The Very Ugly Truth About Dating In Korea as a Foreigner!

They said hi. If you don't mind, my friend Gunwoo wants to sleep with you, therefore. My friend is really cute and handsome. What did he say? What are you, a pimp now? She responds like, what the... And then I just see the top where she says, good for your friend, I don't care. Then he sends a picture of the friend. My friend, would you like to be introduced? What's up, idols? It's CC Lesson 3. Welcome back to my channel. So for today's video, this is another email submission, but it's not quite a story time. There's a foreigner who emailed me, and she detailed a very long history of what happened to her while she was living in Korea. She's not there anymore. She says she just had to get out. She says she really wanted to warn you guys about certain things to be aware about when you want to date in South Korea, especially when you're a foreigner and people try to take advantage of you. In her email, she talked about hostess bars, getting tricked into going to a love motel, catching a guy who's trying to cheat on his girlfriend with her. And the reason I say it's not quite a story time format, because there's not a lot of details like with any sort of backstory that I could sit here and tell you guys about in the format of a story. So instead, I decided to read exactly what she wrote to me in her email because there's so much useful information that you guys need to know. Oh, and if you guys stick around to the end, I have some screenshots to show you that she also included in the email, where one dude sounds like he's trying to be a pimp or something. Screenshots from when someone tried to get her to work at a hostess bar, which are illegal. And the other one, I'm going to have to translate myself, and maybe y'all can help me with that. Also, it's worth noting, English is not her first language. So if this sounds a little bit unnatural, take that into account. Drive up the engagement, leave a comment, leave a like and subscribe and let's hop right into it. So during the time I was living in South Korea, I came across lots of apparently foreign models that actually had it pretty rough and didn't get the jobs they had wished for. Lots of them ended up in hostess bars because their apparent goal was, of course, making money. However, hostess bars are kind of illegal. So it's a really shady business. The bars are in locations that are kind of hidden and mostly long-term clients go to these bars. A big percentage of the clients are old Korean men that are self-proclaimed chaebols, like a CEO, rich person, or older businessmen. I also heard certain K-pop managers go to these bars. Lots of older Korean men actually engage with hostess bars. In these bars, they usually select a certain girl or girls that they drink alcohol with together. I'm pretty sure activities that go further than just drinking alcohol or wear touching can be agreed on, but are not conducted inside these establishments. Most of the time, the managers of these bars are actually the ones making the most money. It's said they have connections to the Korean mafia. The girls mostly try to get money from old men while they're drunk enough. However, it's often a very degrading job and these girls are mostly in debt and can't really escape the work. If the police does come by, everyone has to go into hiding. I also heard that some of them had to stay in a hidden bar for hours because of police investigations. I was asked several times to work for these certain bars. And the next paragraph starts with foreigners are easy, with easy being in quotations. So some basic information up front. Many Korean men, especially those that are going into clubs slash bars, are not to be taken seriously or trusted. Even besides that, many Korean men do not consider foreign women as a serious partner. Either they are just curious about foreigners or they think foreign women are open-minded, which actually means open-minded towards sexual activities. I didn't know that and didn't associate this term with any kind of sexual activity. So I had to learn the hard way. Many Korean men that are using certain dating apps are also red flags. In Asian societies, it's rather normal to date face-to-face through blind date. Dating app users are usually the crazy men that are just after certain sexual flings for fun or because of vulnerability. Many foreigners, however, use these dating apps. They should be aware that it could be dangerous to meet anyone. First point is that even if you meet in a normal location, the date could turn dangerous. Second is that most men photoshop themselves into looking better. You never know what you'll get. Many men also use secondary KakaoTalk accounts that have a fake name or not any name at all. They will use emojis or completely random Hangul as a name. They also won't use many pictures or any pictures at all. Most of them hide their actual Korean girlfriend and won't share their real Kakao account with you. Furthermore, most men will actually ghost you even if you thought you were getting along. Ghosting is very common in Korean society. It's also because of the pace of life itself is really fast. Women should be aware of stalking or hidden cameras in Korea that can also be installed inside public restrooms or Airbnb. If you're in Korea for a long time, not engaging into or not seeing the dating culture there is almost impossible. You're under the most impression that especially younger people date all the time. Lots of activities or setups are meant for couples. It puts a certain amount of pressure onto you, especially if you're feeling lonely, homesick, or vulnerable. So this next paragraph was put the cinema date. This is one of the most horrible dating experiences I've had. Usually when I was actually meeting someone, I was often texting for a long time and even then I try to find some other people to come with me on a first meeting. If no one had time, I'd ask for a public place to meet up, which did not save me most of the time since I didn't know all the cultural notes and things that could happen in Korea. I had been talking to this guy for quite a while and he asked to meet up several times. After a while, I agreed, even though I was reluctant to do so at first. We agreed to go to a cinema and watch a movie. Upon meeting him, it was weird because he never took his face mask off. I didn't think much of it because it was right when COVID measures were still active. After the movie, he wanted to go somewhere else. I didn't know what he had planned, but he actually took me to a hotel right in the area that I didn't know. I actually wanted to leave, but he assured me that it's fine. I didn't want to be mean since he had already paid for it, but I also didn't know where I was and how to get back home. He had bought some soju and wanted to play board games, which was also weird. Then he took off his mask for the first time and I really felt like he had mask phished me the entire time. I don't want to be mean, but I couldn't understand how someone's lower face could look so horribly disproportionate. Anyway, he actually convinced me to have some soju, but I have forgotten how long I have been drinking and I actually could not take soju very well. I was pretty drunk right after. Yes, I'm a very weak drinker and the situation was also very dangerous. Then suddenly he shifted and really said, are we going to have sex or not? But like in a really angry voice. I remember that I was just laughing and said no. He actually got super angry and just left me alone in that hotel room without saying anything further. However, I was feeling quite drunk at that point and I didn't know where I was. I even had to puke to try and feel a bit better. I really felt horrible and blamed myself quite a lot. I still feel so stupid writing this down and vulnerable as well. I really didn't want to stay in that room. After a while, I tried to call a cacao taxi and I tried to talk my broken Korean to the driver. I actually managed to leave and get back home. I cried myself to sleep, lol. But that wasn't even the most horrible experience that I should have. So I certainly did have several weird meetings from online apps. A few of them included men that never really looked like their picture or were way older than they pretended to be. Many of them were really cheap as well, invited me to a location, even expected me to pay for everything, even though I had never agreed on eating somewhere in the first place. Most of the time, they tried sneakily to make me drunk or getting me into a love hotel. After a while, I realized that the hotel was a common thing, which I did not know in the first place. So I knew what to avoid, but it did not really save me from the complete disaster. One pretty funny date was with a dude that looked nothing like his pictures. I was disgusted upon meeting him and was already wondering how to make him leave. I would not have to think much though. While I offered meeting in a public place, he suddenly did not seem to actually wanting to eat inside a restaurant, but trying to get me into a love motel. I told him that we can eat, but I would not go to a shady hotel. He then asked me to wait at the restaurant while he gets some cigarettes first. I then realized he would never return. I somewhat felt ---- because he had pulled the same thing I wanted to pull but way earlier. So somewhat, I was the loser here. So one thing you should know is I was staying at a student dormitory during my time in Korea, but it was not within the core city of Seoul and it had very strict and weird rules. For example, it already closed by 12 at night and I wasn't able to get back in. However, I had a part-time job at a restaurant that was very far away. Most of the time, I was able to make it back in time, but not always. This was one of the facts that led to my unavoidable downfall to be honest. I remember one guy I had been talking to. It was also pretty much at the beginning of my time in Korea. We had been talking for maybe a few weeks. Once, I had a problem getting back home and my dorm was about to close. We were talking at the time and he offered to get me a taxi for me. However, he did not get a taxi. He actually drove all the way to where I was. I had never seen him before and was already joking inside my head at how ugly he's gonna look. I didn't know how to get a cacao taxi at the time and that was my best chance to try and making it back to my dorm. When I saw him, he was actually really tall and good looking, so I was quite shocked about that. I told him the situation I'm in and we tried to make it back. I also tried calling my roommate at the time. She didn't pick up. It was evident that I would not be making it back probably. So of course, he sneakily tried to convince me to stay at his place. It was weird because most Koreans live with their families. I felt it was obvious what he was trying to do, but it was also my only chance at not being homeless that night and I actually for once really liked the way the guy looked. I tried talking myself into the fact that my roommate might answer the phone and let me into the dorm, which did not happen of course. So at first, I actually went to his place because it wasn't far from my dorm. It seemed that his family was on vacation or wherever and he did really try to use this exact time. Such a sneaky bitch, that guy. Of course, he really tried having sex, but I said no. So at least he didn't try anymore and actually just let me sleep. However, the next day he took me back home and then he was never heard from again. He completely ghosted me since his apparent goal was unfulfilled. I also saw that he actually had a Korean girlfriend all the time. I really don't want to admit this, but there was tons of foreign girls that really fed into the fantasy that foreign girls are easy. I met a girl from France there and I should have known that she was horrible and completely man crazy. She sometimes went after random Korean guys and she was fangirling over whomever she found attractive. It was so embarrassing at times. Once she talked me into going to a club in Gangnam, she always wanted to go to Gangnam because that's where real Koreans go. She also always tried talking me into drinking while she knew that I wasn't taking alcohol that well. I'm pretty sure she had made tons of horrible experiences with Korean men, but that didn't stop her from hitting on them, sliding from one horrible experience to the other. Usually when I went out, I had to stay at someone else's place, so that night I actually wanted to stay at her room. However, after we both got quite drunk, I totally lost her and wandered around alone. During COVID, everyone actually had to leave the bars and clubs by 10pm. However, everyone would then be out on the streets. Lots of men tried picking up girls there. Being in a drunk state, apparently, some dude from Gangnam offered me a taxi ride that of course went to his place and not mine. He let me take a shower and that actually made my head clear after I had puked in the public toilet. I realized that I had to try contacting my friend and get out of this place as soon as possible. He tried to convince me to sleep with him and when I refused, he tried telling him that his friend left me alone after drinking and I had to find her. He got so angry I couldn't believe it. I was totally convinced that he would get violent and hurt me. I managed to get away, but I really was traumatized after that experience. I wandered around outside and some other drunk man hit on me. It really all started to take a toll on me. In the end, I was able to contact my friend, but I was really mad at her. I also didn't sleep well that night. I constantly had to think about what happened to me and what else could have happened to me. From that point on, I tried being really careful and didn't trust a single person. During my time in Korea, I also dated an apparent trainee. However, I didn't know that he was a trainee at that time. He had just told me that he was studying music or something. During COVID, they did not have strict training regimen and his company wasn't big, I suppose. So he really did want to use his free time to meet some random foreigners. We actually met quite often and he spoke English really well and was friendly. I often met with him another couple that I met during my time in Korea and we all together did lots of things. I think he kind of used us to also get to do some nice activities and my friends often paid for him. He then pulled some weird moves like holding my hand, which in my opinion went too far for someone who wasn't planning on being in a relationship. I confronted him with that, but he was really distant and probably just wanted to play the friend card. So he then more and more ghosted me and probably tried meeting some more foreigners. Towards the end, soon leaving Korea, I had a whole date with a guy that had a Korean girlfriend all along. I actually discovered that myself because I found his Instagram account. I tagged along with him, but I took lots of pictures during the whole day. During the end, he tried to pull the love hotel thing on me and I refused and he brought the date to an end. I then searched for his girlfriend's Instagram account and told her all that happened and sent her pictures of her then boyfriend. She broke up with him after that and I had never been more satisfied than on that day. Most horrible were, of course, these traumatic experiences. But the guys that I actually found attractive and would have seen myself liking that then completely ghosted me when they saw I didn't want to sleep with them, those took for my self-esteem the most. I just feel like they saw me as a foreigner and as a trophy, but never as a human being. And me being naive, actually engaging with some of them was what made me feel even worse. These are really personal stories and I wanted to write them down to get some closure for myself, but also to warn others or try to understand how these dynamics work in South Korea. While the country is very popular towards destination, I don't want others to have the wrong pictures about South Korea and to always be careful. I also want to note that not everyone is this way and that good experiences do exist. Yeah, guys, as you can see, that was kind of hard to try and put in any sort of story time format because there was a lot of information, little facts that she wanted you guys to know, and also just a brief description of what happened to her with several different guys. She also included some screenshots. I'm going to show you that now. Remember how we started the story where she warned you guys about hostess bars? Well, this is a screenshot from someone who tried to get her to work at a hostess bar. How are you doing? Did you find a good job? Call me when you have time. I opened a large board cafe in Gangnam and I think I can pay up to 30,000 won per hour. This place is more comfortable and safer than candy bars. I don't know what a candy bar is because it doesn't sell alcohol. It's just a place to serve. You don't have to worry about immigration at all. That's suspicious. And then this other one. They said, hi, if you don't mind, my friend Gangwoo wants to sleep with you. Therefore, my friend is really cute and handsome. What did he say? What are you, a pimp now? She responds like, what the? And then I just see the top where she says, good for your friend. I don't care. Then he sends a picture of the friend. My friend, would you like to be introduced? Then this one. So he says, where are you? It's like, I'm at work. She goes, you're busy. I think she said, you're busy. And then he responds saying, what are you doing? She said, I'm at home. And then he responds, let's have sex. I just want to thank you. I'm not going to say your name, but for taking the time to type all this out, even though you also said it was pretty traumatic to relive and you felt kind of dumb reliving it and writing it down and putting this out here. I think this is going to be good for people because a lot of foreigners do go to Korea with these rose colored lenses and they expect to be whiffed away by some beautiful chaebol and fall in love with somebody. Not to say it's not impossible to find love in South Korea as a foreigner because I know plenty of people who do. We've heard some people on my channel who do, but it's also a bit of a challenge. So take everything with a grain of salt. Don't be too trusting or naive. Please binge some of the other videos on my channel. The playlist is about to pop up in a few seconds. Thanks for watching. If you did, remember to like, comment, share and subscribe and I will see you guys next time. Annyeong!