Beyond the Betrayal Turning Devastation into Raw Personal Power

How many times are you going to let the people closest to you rewrite your reality before you decide to burn the script? We live in a world where high-achieving women are constantly told to play nice, keep the peace, and heal quietly in the dark after being completely blindsided by betrayal. You find yourself isolated, running on absolute empty, on fumes, and trapped in a loop of self-blame, wondering how you let someone dismantle your peace. But quiet healing doesn't work when your soul has been targeted. True restoration requires disruptive action. It demands that you get up, put on your armor, and aggressively fight your own sovereignty. Welcome to Your Next Move, and this is Keeping It Real, and I'm your host, Edna White. Today we're talking about turning absolute devastation to an unshakable strategy to personal power. Joining me is Marie Capers. Yes! Author, copy editor, and professional grammar hammer, which I love. I love it, love it, love it. I found you on LinkedIn. I was like, I gotta find out what this is. She has a fierce, no-nonsense philosophy on what it takes to reclaim your life when it has been completely broken. Welcome, Marie, to the show. Thank you so much. Appreciate you having me. I'm so excited to have grammar hammer on the scene today, because I was looking for a hammer. I was like, oh, she's going to bring it all. Tell me how grammar hammer came about. I'd really love to hear that. In my job as a copy editor, it really, really unfortunately is my job to correct people's grammar. Right. And I was on like a, I don't know, a contract job, I think, a couple of years ago, and it would, you know, the copy would go from one section to the next, and the next, and to the writers, and the writers would send it to me, and they'd say, okay, time to drop the hammer. And then somehow from there, I just became the grammar hammer. Sometimes I'm mama hammer, because I'm always older than everybody else. I'll take it. Yeah, absolutely. Well, you are forever branded, because that's so great. I love hearing brands like that. It's so great. That was like, oh, wow, she's probably got a hammer on her shirt. You know, she's got a hammer in the background. She, you know, probably going crazy with the hammer, you know? It's mostly a hypothetical hammer, but it does hurt. It does hurt. I can remember that. It sticks right to me. So, Marie, let's talk about women now in the blame game, you know. When a woman experiences massive, like, devastation, like, breach of trust by someone close to her, the default response, I know for me, is probably go crazy, but I won't. But how do, I know that I started blaming myself, that I missed the signs. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. Yeah. I missed the signs. Let's talk, can you talk about that to the women and even men if they want to listen? But can you talk on that piece? Yes. I have a chapter in my book about something like this that went down with my ex-husband. He had catfished me and stalked me while we were still married. And he was doing this under a fake name, under a fake social media identity. I had no idea. And he was doing this, to try to catch me doing something. He just sat across from the dinner table for me every night, knowing that he was baiting me, catfishing me. And this went on for months and months, possibly years, it went on. And then I finally left him for other reasons. I can't imagine what a bad person he must have been. And he continued to do it. I moved many states away and he continued to do it. So every day, even after I had left him and filed for divorce, I was talking to him every day, unbeknownst to me, just pretending to be a friend. And he'd say, gosh, your husband seems so great. Why don't you like him anymore? Puffing himself up. Oh my gosh. That is just so- He was trying to get me to go back to him. Right. So he was being a friend to encourage you to go back to him. That is just so disgusting. That's really rotten. That's rotten. It's bananas. Who could have- Anyway, when I finally found out, I found out- How did you find out? How did you find out? I found out because he shared an office with this woman back in Michigan and she came in to the office one day and I guess he had two screens up. He had his regular profile, Facebook profile, and then he had this fake one. And she could see what he was doing and that he was talking to me. And she sat him down and she was like, look, Ron, we work together. I'm on your team. But I shouldn't have probably said his name, but he knows what he did. But Marie has left. She is multiple, has put multiple states between you. She doesn't want to talk to you anymore. And you need to stop this and you need to tell her this is you. And if you don't, I will. A woman, by the way, was the one to call him out. So he did. He did tell me. And so I went into just absolute shock, PTSD, couldn't process what had happened. But then immediately I started going, I should have known. How did I not know that? How did I not figure that out? How did I not see his little writing tics, right? Because that's my job. Exactly. We started looking back. Misspelling the same words. Did I not see that? But the answer in his case was no. He had created an entirely different writing style persona. He inhabited this other person and he wasn't writing it better. So I tried to blame myself immediately. And I was like, I knew he was a bad guy. I left him for lots of other reasons. And I knew that. That was enough. But I was blaming myself just for not figuring it out. Like why would somebody want to be my friend and then say, oh, you should go back to that horrible guy. He's great. What is wrong with me that I didn't get that? And eventually I came to understand that the only thing wrong with me is that my brain wasn't crazy enough to think about doing something like that. Right. Exactly. You weren't like that. Yeah. It wouldn't even occur to me to deceive somebody like that. And for what purpose? I do not know. But I mistrusted myself for so long because I blamed myself for not for not getting it. And when in reality and women do, we blame ourselves. Either we blame ourselves for the breakdown or we blame ourselves for not seeing the signs. Right. That's what we do. Yep. You're right. Stop doing that. You're right. Yeah, we do that. I know that you talk about making a bold, you know, it has to be a bold physical move because you talk about just getting out and just physically like moving. What do you suggest or do you believe that it takes that those types of physical pivots in your life to rewire your nervous system? Nervous system, that's a whole other can of worms that I've only recently really been kind of getting into. But I think, I'm not going to say for every single person, you have to get up and do something because that's me, again, telling women what to do. We know ourselves, we know somewhere deep down, we know what we need to do to pull ourselves up out of that hole. And so it isn't always, you know, it might be somebody, maybe you write a book, maybe you start to write poetry, maybe, you know, something that is a quiet, you know, a quiet adventure that you're going to take yourself on. For me, it was roller derby, believe it or not. Yes, I read that about you. I was like, all right, I haven't seen roller derby in the 80s, right? It's going strong. It's going strong. But yeah, after that thing happened with, you know, with my ex-husband, and I just sat there, like, I literally just sat staring. I didn't tell anyone what had happened. I was so embarrassed. I could barely eat. I could all I just laid on my couch with the clicker and I would, you know, get up to feed the dogs or whatever. But I mean, really weeks, weeks on the couch and months and where I was just withering away, because I just couldn't understand what had happened. And one day I had just had enough of it. I think I like looked down at my shirt, and there was like food all over. Like, you're a mess. You realize you've been looking good. I know. Yeah, like, this is this. Come on. It's time now. And I asked myself, laying there on the couch. What is the most ridiculous example of like, you know, female empowerment or badassery that a woman can possibly grasp? And the answer was roller derby. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna do it. And I had never roller skated before. I was 44 years old. It's not easy to learn to roller skate when you're 44 years old. But I did it because I needed to remind myself that I was strong and that I was resilient, not only physically strong, but, you know, emotionally strong. And I learned something that was really physically hard for me. And it hurt. I fell over and over and over again. But there was not one second when I thought, oh, I'm gonna quit this because I'm not good at it. I just kept going because it was so important to me to claim that power back. All my power had been taken from me or given away, if you want to look at it. And I was going to do whatever I had to do to take it back. And that's what it was for me. So I know that when I started to to kind of like come out of it, I was 55. Okay, I got into the, you know, getting healthy and everything in my 40s, in my 40s. But I was like, it took me a while because I had trauma on top of trauma. So finally, I was like, oh, I gotta do something. So after I peeled off the shame like you, I was like, okay, I gotta do something. And two failed marriages. I was like, yeah, I gotta do something, gotta do something. And I go and I sign up to ride a horse, you know? See, never rode a horse before. I looked at them. I looked at them, but I never rode one. And I signed up for that and signed up for canoeing. I said the only way that I'm going to find, you know, gain back my creativity, because that's what usually happens. You know, we lose the fun out of our lives because of some betrayal. It really is. Betrayal takes you, you know, why didn't I see it? That kind of thing, like, you know, and you get kind of like sucked in that vacuum. And I had to get out of it. And so starting I took lessons, the first, you know, horseback riding lessons. And I didn't know that, that you had to clean the horse. So I thought I was getting on top of this clean horse, you know, no, no, you got to clean. I was like, what? I was like, wait, I have to clean his hooves? And I was like, oh, you know, and I'm like, and hadn't, you know, so I had nothing on my hands. They didn't give you anything that you have to know, you have to really feel the horse. Oh, wow. But I loved riding the horse, the cleaning, that wasn't for me. But, you know, it was it was a beginning for me to get out and start doing something. And I was sore every day like you sore every day. I was like, Oh, this is not fun. But I'm going back tomorrow. It's so much fun. You know, I think I went back, right? You went back. I went back every every time every time. And yeah, and and doing something brave, like it's really brave to go on a horse, right? It's brave for an old lady to but doing the brave thing. Yeah, being terrified and doing it anyway. Even if you don't even if you go ahead, you know, and I didn't really like that horse. I'm not gonna keep doing you did something incredibly brave. But the chances are, you know, are more likely that you're gonna be like, Oh, yeah, I love this. Yeah, just what I needed, you know? And, but it was what I needed. It was what I needed. Yeah, yeah. And that and that sense of like, overcoming a fear. Yes. Coming this thing that was holding you down. Yes. To rise up away from that self esteem, self esteem takes a lot of self esteem to do things like that. Yes. And I did fix a lot of self esteem, because you're busting your butt. And you're and you're putting yourself out there. Yes, vulnerable, you'd be terribly embarrassed or rushed to the hospital. Anyway, right? Yes. You know, bottom heart, you know, sore. And I'm like, yeah, getting back up there tomorrow. You know? Yeah, I know. No, I know. I know those saddle sores. So yeah, audience, it takes, you know, I didn't even think about that. But bravery to just try something different. You know, start to that's a great pivot is to try something different. I love that. But you said that, Maria, I love that. I love that. Try something different. Get out of your comfort zone. Get out of those pajamas in front of the couch. Right? Exactly. Take a shower. Fundamental things. Take a shower. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And go outside. The best thing, no matter what weather it is, just take a breath of fresh air. You know, it's just so important to just get out, no matter what the weather is. Stand in the rain, let the rain hit your face. Connect with nature. That's another great thing. And they say to go outside barefoot. I mean, put your feet in the grass. And it literally, it physically, energetically grounds you into the earth and your place in it. Because it's all, you know, it's all frequencies and stuff. And when you stand outside barefoot, you're kind of reminding your body and your soul that you're part of this, part of the world again, because you can really start to feel like you aren't when you're deep in it. So, yeah. Yeah. When you're deep into it. Yeah. So, I want to hear a little bit about what you do. Take us through what you do for a woman who comes to you, you know, maybe has been betrayed and how you can navigate them, you know, back to making one step forward. Well, first things, I would grab my pitchfork and my women army and just go after them. Because women, we need to get mad for each other. And we do. Yeah. I love that. I love that. We need to get mad for each other. We don't do that enough. We don't know. We don't. We are each other's, like I said, cheerleading squad. Yes. Cheerleaders, whatever. Like, yeah. Compatriots. Yeah. That's right. You know, when a woman comes to you or me and you say, oh, my God, I've had my heart broken and this guy did this. It's happened to us, too. So, we know that pain. And so, empathy connects you with people on such a different level when you're like, you know. And so, part of our, I believe, part of our duty as women is just to like, yes. And you're like, you know, you've got really just pump each other up to the degree that you can. And then, you know, all I can do, I have three nieces and I'm very, very close with them somewhere between not just an auntie, but like a best friend kind of way. And over the years, you know, they're in their 20s, late 20s and mid 30s now. And over the years, they've had their share of heartbreak and stuff like that. And so, it's so hard when you're feeling heartbroken. It's so hard to hear or to absorb when somebody says, that person is not worthy of you. That behavior is not worthy of you. Because you feel, oh, but I lost something. And it's so hard to understand that you lost something that was bad. And now for something new. But one thing I always try to kind of talk to them and to friends or whoever's going through it myself, is the ways that we women make ourselves small to fit into other people's lives, other people's pictures, or I'm going to be quiet. I'm not going to say anything about that right now. It's not really worth it. And all of a sudden, after, after doing that, for however long, you're getting smaller and smaller and smaller, right? And you lose and you feel smaller, you feel it like, think, oh, I mean, I recently got out of a relationship where this person, you know, this man had kids, so he couldn't see me then and this one had work never tell anybody at work about me because he, he hadn't even told him about his divorce that happened. Like, and so I was like, okay, okay, okay, let's just, I'll just be. And finally, I was like, where have I gone? Like, I'm not disappear. You lose your identity. Yeah. I disappeared for a man. No way. And I know better. So when men and so many, especially younger women, they don't know better. You know, that because of those, the echoes of, you know, the 50s and the sitcoms and the all of those. Yeah, that's ringing generation to generation. Out there, those messages are still out there. They are in our DNA. At this point, we say, you know, just behave. Don't, don't make a ruckus. Don't rock the boat. I'm here to say F that. I don't know if I can say the actual words. I love what you're saying. And I, and I'm thinking with even with some of my clients, as they cry, I love it. I didn't want to stop you from saying, but just to say, damn him, punch this pillow, sister, punch this pillow. We don't get mad enough and get that out of us because that's what keeps us in the spiral. You just like open something up to me, but go ahead. I'm sorry. I'm glad, you know, because it is, it's so hard to sit and watch somebody that you care about cry and think that it's their fault and think that they lost something precious and, and whereas you can see so clearly. No. Yeah. So just to use a, yeah. Just so used to, Oh my gosh. That's so good. What do you, so you're hearing this, right? This is so good. I mean, you got me excited, you know, just, you know, just saying the fact that we, we, we don't think that we're entitled to be mad, right? To be sad. And that's really good. That is so good that we, we can get mad and we can, we can go rah, rah, rah. Now, what are you going to do now? I know I would always tell my sister that, you know, I have three sisters under me and I would, I'm sorry, for four sisters. And I would always say to them, you know, one of them always like crying about boyfriends. And so I was like, you gotta stop crying. Cause what do they do? They're like, Oh, well, you're crying. Get mad as hell. Get mad as hell and just share that, you know? And then she was like, yeah, what am I crying for? I was like, yeah, grab a pillow, do the air punching, do something, get it out of you. So because all those emotions floating around in you, they, they, they make you confused. They do. And they make you sick after a while. It makes you sick. And we sit there and they're out, you know, if you, if you follow them on social media, if you even know people around them, they're out golfing, playing basketball, going to parties that, you know, like what? Here I am looking dirty as you did. I'm sitting here with stains, food stains down my shirt, eating all the ice cream, not bathing and you're out partying. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and we have the right, what we're saying audiences, we have the right to have emotions. We don't give ourselves permission to be emotional, not just mad about it, you know, getting mad about it. And that's a balance, you know, cause without there's a yin and a yang to everything, you know? Yep. Yep. And society doesn't want us to, to have emotions either. They don't, they don't want us to get mad and, you know, and this goes, I'm sorry, now I'm like man bashing, but even as far as like, you know, when you're a woman, every woman on earth knows this feeling when you're walking down the street and you see the construction site and you just go, because you know, they're going to say something and if they say something loud enough for you to hear it, you know, they're looking at you, assessing you, talking about you or I wouldn't. And it just, that makes me want to scream the fact that I walk down the street and feel clenched because, cause some might see you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And like, and I want to get more mad about that. I want to, I want to yell and scream and say, Hey, no, but, but then we also have to be scared because we have to just be scared of those men because if they just, they're mad that we got mad, right. Guess what we're going to do, you know? Yeah. So when you, if you have a controlled opportunity to just get mad, get mad with your sisters and just have like a scream, scream into the void, go into the forest. I used to get in the car and go in the car, drive on like the highway and just pull over and go. And I feel like a thousand percent better, you know? I mean, that was like all that bad energy just came out like fire out of my body. And then I can now, I can think is like, okay, right. You know? Okay. Now what do I do now? Like, you know, you know, and it's not man bashing when you're displaying, you know, anger at something, you know? Right. It's just that you, when you go overboard and you like, maybe, you know, do something like, like he was doing, you know, you know, what does it call when they follow you and stuff like that? All of that, that's, that's really displaying anger that what he was doing is anger. Like I'm going to get you back kind of thing. That was, that was resentment and, you know, um, revenge all wrapped up in one. Yeah. That was awful. And, and they start the whole equation by belittling you into, you know, a piece of meat or something that they have the right to comment about. Like, yes, my appearance, my outfit. No, sir. Like, no, no, not allowed. Not allowed for you. Yeah. And, and audience, we're not man bashing. We've, we're talking about an experience. And I think that word man bashing came from a man because we were expressing ourselves. Right. Right. So we're allowed to express ourselves, you know, and, and, and feel those emotions. Well, yeah, we are. And that's, but it's all of those little, like, you know, they call them microaggressions, and as they pile up, we get smaller. They're made to diminish us to, you know, keep us, yeah. Keep us in our place. Keep us quiet. Keep walking. Yes. Keep us in their place. Not in ours. Not in ours. Right. Because we're bigger than that. They wouldn't have been here without one of us. Okay. Exactly. They wouldn't be here without us. So just to get that clear. That's right. All the way clear. Yes. All right. So now, Marie, we're at the flash round. And the flash round is, you get time to say each, I'm going to tell you each a question, I'm sorry, eight rapid questions. Okay. Answer. And your first response that hits you, you say it, keep it moving. And this is for the audience. These are questions that may have come from the audience. And you can answer them. Because are you ready? Yes, let's go. So what is the very first boundary a woman must set when her trust is violated? Hold your ground. Oh, no, I was just gonna say, hold your ground. Don't take any excuses. Don't take any apologies. Done. Good. Love it. One word that describes the moment you realize you are no longer a victim. Power. What's the most dangerous piece of advice people give to women who are hurting? Oh, just go no contact, make him miss you. And he'll call you. You did the whole scenario. Fill in the blank. True person authority. Authority begins when you stop asking for permission. What part of your life is the hardest to protect when you're running on empty? Your boundaries. What is the ultimate definition of no nonsense lifestyle? Your terms only. Love it. When negative self talk tries to tell you that you are too much, what is your pivot? They're not enough. Whoa. In one word, what awaits a woman on the other side of her biggest breakthrough? An imaginable opportunity. Well, that's great. Wow. That's just great, Marie. I'm so glad you're here with us today. Audience, you got the juice. You got the juice from Marie today. I love it. And we are so excited. And let me just tell you, this is an ultimate blueprint. She's giving you that she's done with her clients. Now, if you want to reach out to her, look on this video. Information's right there. Reach out to her. All right. Any woman. Hey, listen, if you're a man and you've got you crying a little bit, maybe she can help you too. But any woman that's going through, that's been betrayed. Here she is, Marie, right here. Right here. Okay. So look under the with her help. All right. Make your next move. Yes. And I thank you so much for being here. You're teaching us how to be unshakable. I'm an unshakable leader. And we know that's waiting inside of each and every one of you out there. Do not let this energy slip away. It's time to make your move. So scroll straight down to the description right now, under the video, connect with Marie using the links below. And while you're down there, click the link to book your next move consultation with me. So let's sit, let's stop talking about it. Let's do, let's be about it. Okay. Like, subscribe and share this with a loved one that you know that needs this. This is Edna White. I am your host and this is Keeping It Real. And my esteemed guest, Marie, we are saying goodbye for now. Bye-bye.