ANXIOUS/ AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLES #avoidantattachment #fearfulavoidant #covertnarcissist

Hey guys, spiritual whistleblower here. Um, few announcements. I will be doing a relationship workshop in Toronto, Canada, on Wednesday, May fourteenth. The flyer will be coming out shortly. Um, this week. Early next week, but I wanted to announce it formally. So, all my you know I have a lot of love in Toronto. I've done two seminars before. I had a dinner too, and I met some lovely, lovely girls there. So um, you know a lot of time, a lot of people that follow me on TikTok are from Toronto, and I you know. I always want to um. Show love back to them. So, I will be doing a relationship workshop on Wednesday, May fourteenth. Um, location, excuse me, um, location and everything and details will be on the tickets. I will be selling tickets to this event, um. And it's limited seating available. I don't want a big crowd. I find that you know working with smaller groups of women is better. You know than um it kind of. Helps me to filter through who's toxic and who's not, and you know everybody that comes to, you know these types of uh support groups that I hold, everybody's not always a good person. There's usually one or two bad apples, so I have a way of like filtering these types of women out when I keep the groups to a a certain limit. You know, a small group. You know, so uh, shout out to all my. Folks that hold me down, my supporters in Toronto. I love you all. I will see you soon. I'm very excited. I love Toronto. Um. And I can't wait. I'll probably be there, like a whole week, going out, dining, kicking it, having a great time, and I look forward to that. So that's announcement one. Okay, look for the flyer. Announcement two: I will be going live on here, live on TikTok, and live on here. So I I try to avoid YouTube. I get so turned off by the toxicity, but again, I'm gonna keep trying. You know, a lot of people say you could be making so much money. You could be this. I'm not a grifter. You know, I I didn't get in this for the money. However, I do realize how valuable my teachings have been over the last seven years. How many people I've impacted. So, I'm going to try to do the lives again. I. Just like I try to get on Facebook, I try every year to start a new Facebook page, and I end up getting off because I just can't. I'm so repulsed by the fake ---- and the phony ----, and I end up deleting my page super early. Like I can't do this, so. Uh, if y'all care to join me on live here on YouTube. I'm going to go live um this weekend, okay? I don't know Saturday or Sunday, but um I'll make the announcement on the community board. Feel free to drop in. Um, you don't have to donate money. You do. I'm grateful if you don't. Doesn't matter. I still want you to get all the information you can out of my lives, okay? But those are my announcements. And yes, I still do coaching. Before you ask me, you can email me. Um, what I want to talk about this video is attachment styles, and this video is so long overdue. Long, long spiritual whistleblower should have been. Discussed attachment styles. Um, the reason that I don't talk about attachment styles is because I'm irritated by the entire subject. Avoidant attachment styles, uh, anxious attachment styles, it annoys the **** out of me, and I'll explain, you know, in this video, but. People wanted to know what is your opinion on attachment styles, and um, I've never really spoken out about it. I haven't done any videos videos about it because I just think you know. I don't know who invented it, and maybe I need to do my research on you know maybe the doctors decided it was a good idea to come up with some categories of the ways that we attach to people and unattach. I don't know. One thing that sticks to me is D and D. D and D is what ******* works for me. You know, cause I like to keep ---- simple. I like everything, can be simple in life. You know. He wants us to live a life full of clarity and transparency, okay. And when you filter out the bullshit in your life, and you get rid of toxic people, get rid of. Toxic family members. When you clean house. Reevaluate. Remove the people that should not be around you. Keep motherfuckers out your house. Your house is peaceful, you know. When you do the work and filter out the bullshit of your life. I mean, it kind of just works itself out. You you know, you you your body heals, your mind will heal. I don't know. I just I I try to simplify everything in my life. So I don't have these motherfucking issues. Okay, but let let's D and D. My theory is D and D. You have to master the art of detachment, and you have to master the art of discernment. Detachment and discernment is what's going to get you through life and through a lot of bullshit, and it's going to help you set boundaries and protect yourself from bullshit in general. Protect your home, protect your mental health, protect your body, you know. It has saved me so much. Once I learned the art of detachment and the art of discernment, it changed my life. It's a game changer. So, what what are the attachment styles? You guys can help me because I never really got into it. I read up on it, you know, a few times. I've watched a lot of videos, and I just get turned off by the entire subject. I don't know why. It's it's ******* stupid to me. Okay, the first attachment style was a secure attachment. Those are for the people that are secure and healthy relationships. They know how to you know be healthy and and and establish healthy relationships. Okay, boo boo boo boo, beautiful. Ah, what's the second second attachment? Okay, anxious. Anxious, uh, attachment, and I think that's the people with high anxiety, people that are so terrified of being abandoned and scared that they cling, they cling to whoever at the ideal of being, you know, if you feel like somebody is going to drop you or dump you or ghost you, instead of you saying okay, cool, bye bye, be gone, bitch, your anxiety kicks in and you want to cling to this person to prevent them from leaving you or abandoning you. You know, if I'm wrong, you guys, you can correct me in the comment section. That's my understanding of what an anxious attachment style is. The next one is uh, is it dismissive? Dismissive avoided. I believe the dismissives are the ones that don't give a **** about being around anybody. They just write people off. Not scared to be alone. Um. To avoid getting hurt, they're feel they're fearful of commitments, so they're dismissive. You know, I could take it or leave it. Get the **** out my face. You know, scared to commit, and they're scared to commit because they really have severe trust issues, and it's you know based on their history of not trusting people, it's caused them to be quick to dismiss at the first sight of bullshit. Okay, and can you blame them? And finally, I believe what is it? Fearful avoidance. Fearful, I believe they call this disorganized attachment to. Correct me if I'm wrong, guys. I'm just, I'm trying to remember. You know, I I read a lot and I, you know, watch and research a lot. So I'm I'm trying to. You know, remember everything that I I have researched thus far. Fearful avoidant, which I feel is a bunch of bullshit too. The fearful avoid the fearful avoidant is the one they do the push pull, the hot and cold. They want love, but when they get love, they push the person away for fear of you know being abandoned. Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah whatever. To me personally, fearful avoidants are no better than covert narcissists. It's the same ----. Except you know they're trying to say well fearful avoidants are empathetic they don't mean to hurt people when they do what they do, that doesn't I don't give a ****. The bottom line is fearful avoidants are ******* aware that they do what they do and they're aware that their behavior hurts others. It's abusive towards others. So the fearful avoided knows what he or she is. Yet, why are they still out here dealing with people instead of working on themselves? Okay, so I believe those are the attachment styles. If I've missed any, you guys can you know. Let me know in the comment section. But okay, here's my thoughts on this bullshit. Me, you, all of us, everybody—we have our—we have attachment issues based on ah of of how we were raised. It's really about how mom and dad raised you, who abandoned you in childhood, how you were treated. If you did grow up with two parents, you know, still in the household, they could they could be emotionally disconnected. They they could, you know, if you you not hold a conversation with a child. You just basically are president household, and you're there to feed them and clothe them and bathe them and discipline them. But you don't emotionally connect with the child. In a sense, you're still abandoning that child. You know, you're you know that's a form of emotional abuse. You're you're neglecting and abandoning the child, withholding what's the word stonewalling. Stonewalling is it, ah? You know using. You know, you're you're withholding communication as a form of torture. You know, and I've been in that position as a little girl. You know, trying to impress my mom or get her to open up and talk to me or share things that went on in school. Hey, mom, guess what? Guess what happened today in school, mom? Can I? And she like get the **** out of here. I don't want to hear that ----. Very, very like. Was never into hearing about you know, a a a loving, healthy, nurturing mother would be. Hey baby, tell me about your day. What happened in kindergarten today? Tell mommy. Oh, a little boy tried to kiss you. A little boy tried to push you. Oh, you played in the sandbox with your best friend. Oh, isn't that sweet? You'll be excited to just hear about your child's day at the end of the day when they come home and tell you everything. You know, and they're excited. That doesn't happen when your parents are emotionally abusive, disconnected, and narcissistic. They they look at you like I don't I don't care I don't want to hear that go go tell it to your your brother and sister bye, you know. So you're growing up with a type of parent that. They're physically there, but emotionally they're gone. That has got to be the most painful thing for a child to to deal with, you know. So. Our issues. With this abandonment and how we attach and detach from people in our relationships, it's all connected back into childhood and how mom and dad dealt with us. You know how they taught us to respond to disrespect. How they taught us to overlook boundaries. You know if you don't have any boundaries and you constantly let people come in and out your life and take advantage of you, that's because you come from two parents who have taught you not to establish boundaries. If your parents don't teach you how to establish boundaries, it's because they. They don't want you to have boundaries. Mom and dad are abusive, and in order for them to abuse you, they have to have a hundred percent access to you to get to you in order to abuse you. They can't abuse you if you set boundaries with them. To prevent them from from gaining access to hurt you, so in childhood we we are taught by our parents, no boundaries. You are to allow me to come, in and out of your life as a child. And torture you, abuse you, manipulate you, gaslight the **** out of you, stonewall you, verbally abuse you, sexually molest you, you cannot have any boundaries. So again, the the lack you know a lot of us you know are terrible at setting boundaries, and that comes from mom and dad teaching you to not have boundaries because they need to be the they're your first bully, mom and dad are your first bully, they're your first abuser. And in order for a bully or an abuser to get to you, you cannot have any boundaries. Again, everything's rooted back to childhood. So you know these attachment styles. Aha! You know, the secure attachment style is is BS because the majority of people. But even the ones that come from a loving family and enmeshed, you know, you you claim you come from a mesh enmeshed family where family just loves on each other and, you know, everybody's over everybody's house celebrating and supporting each other, which is beautiful. However, there there's a lack of boundaries in that situation too. So, are you really secure if if you come from a loving, supportive family that didn't teach you how to set boundaries? There's so many so many ways you could look at this ----. You know what I mean? But you do know how to create healthy relationships with people. Cause you were raised in a healthy, happy household, but what if your parents didn't teach you how to set boundaries again? Um. So. I find that the secure attachment style is only after is is is is really more about the people that have worked on themselves and therapy, worked through their childhood trauma, worked on you know rebuilding themselves and reparenting themselves, and you know raising their discernment and like I said, mastering the art of detachment from toxic people at the first red flag. When you get to that point in your life where you are are really really doing well because you took everything you learned in therapy and applied it, you took the time to remain single, you stopped dating, you stopped having sex, and you really worked on yourself. You will absolutely get to the place of being a secure attachment style. That's where I am at. I'm I'm very secure with myself. Um, secure with others. I know how to set healthy boundaries. I know I know how to keep healthy people around me. I know how to, you know, weed out unhealthy toxic people without allowing them near me. I can set a boundary and and read them. I can read a room. So people with secure attachments, I feel, have done the work on themselves, and they they continue. It's not, uh, you know, a one and done thing. Once you get to a place of of feeling secure and healthy, you know, you're you're. It's not going to stop there. You're going to continue to work on yourself and grow every day, every day, every day. There's always more that you can learn. That's where I I feel that I'm I'm at, and and that's what I feel a secure attachment style is. Anxious again. Anxious attachment is. You know, fear, fear. You know, anxious people are very loving. And they probably had horrible parents. They that was the child that kept running to mommy for a hug, and mommy was like, "I don't want a hug. Get out of here, mommy. Can you hug me and kiss me, mommy? I bought you a gift for Mother's Day, and your mother's like like me. I gave my mother um a gift, and she like wanted to throw it in the trash. It was for Mother's Day, you know. It's it's that child that so much wants a hug, some love and affection, and your parents are just not loving and affectionate. So the the anxious type will just you know your anxiety goes up as a result of being rejected, and you just keep running back to get that love, and the person pushes you away, and if you feel like they're going to like, if you get any sort of sign that the person's going to up and ghost on you. You will run towards them and beg them to stay. and I feel like anxious people are the beggars and the criers. and Please don't go. Please stay with me. I'll do whatever it takes. You know. They don't really know their value or self worth, so they they anxiously attach or latch on to the person instead of cutting them off. If that makes sense, that's what I get out of it. Now the dismissive avoidant. I feel I was a dismissive at one time because my attitude was like, "Bitch, I could take it, take it or leave it." I'm fearful of committing because I've been dog walked and hurt so many times. So now I'm at a point where. I'm like **** everybody, **** you. I don't. I. I. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. We can sleep together, and and you can get the **** out my house. You know, I think dismissive avoidance have this attitude like take it or leave it. And I think this behavior is is is most of a lot of people today. A lot of narcissists have this attitude. I think all dismissive avoidants are narcissists, but I do feel that all narcissists are dismissive avoidants because they lack emotional connection. They can take or leave you, you know. So and as far as the fearful avoidant, the fearful avoid avoidant is another one. In childhood, they had unloving parents, unemotional parents. Um, you know, they they have this push pull dynamic where come here, I want to be loved, but okay, the person wants to come on love on you and do for you, but now you're pushing them away. You know to protect yourself from being abandoned. That comes from mommy and daddy toying with your emotions in in your childhood. Yeah, your parents are there, and you want to believe that they love you, but. Them not interacting with you or showing you any love is a form of emotional neglect and abandonment. They're physically there, but emotionally disconnected, unresponsive, unloving. You know, so you know you're again. It's it's it's the child begging for mom and dad's affection and attention, and they're being. Cast to the side. You're not important. You know, me being here providing and protecting for you should be enough for you. So for the child to feel safe. They got the bail. I'm going to leave before you leave me. That's the fearful avoidant, and and honestly. I have this issue because I think there's a thin line between the fearful avoidant and the covert narcissist because, that's how narciss I think. Let me just say this to be fair because I I don't I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I think all fearful avoidants aren't narcissists, but I feel that all narcissists are both dismissive and fearful avoidant. They they fall into that attachment style because a narcissist can take you or leave you. A narcissist will you know they they have lack of empathy, lack of emotional connection, and they'll suck their lovers in. But once they feel that their lovers are in too deep, they dump them to protect themselves, and that's just like the ******* fearful avoidant. But I don't like the fact that the fearful avoidant knows what he or she is doing, and you know instead of them stopping their behavior, they just justify it. Well, that's how my mom and dad, you know, that's what they did to me, and I'm trying to get better, but I'm struggling. Don't date if you know this is what you do. That you're very self aware. You know that you're a fearful avoidant. Why the **** are you out here still dating? Get your ass in therapy and don't come out of therapy until you you you know. Get that ---- out your system. I just don't buy like it's a bunch of bullshit to me. Cause why are you a fear? If you know you're a fearful avoidant, and you know you do, you you know that the ---- that you do is hurting somebody. You're no better than the ******* narcissist. I'm just saying. So I I don't know y'all. I have really really mixed feelings about these attachment styles because at at some point we all were a mixture of all of them. I'm not talking about the narcissist. The thing is, this I think that there's two things. Those of us who are not narcissists, you know, we may have been doing things with the intention of not hurting people. However, we attach to people, whatever your attachment style is. But once you become self-aware, you you you're gonna stop that behavior. You're gonna stop dealing with people and work on yourself. Whereas the narcissist doesn't stop the cycle, they just keep doing it, victim to victim to victim to victim, and it's it's just it's a lifelong thing with the narcissist. So you know the thing is this. I think the the thing that irritates me the most is the dismissive and the fearful avoided. I just it just does not sit right with me. Because it's like. Okay, we all got dog walked and bullied and abused by our parents, but why are you using it to justify your behavior? You know you're walking around here calling yourself a fearful avoidant, and you're fully aware that your behaviors. Are are abusive to people when they try to love you. So why are you still don't? Why are you dating? Why are you dealing with people instead of working on yourself to change your behavior? You're you're you're highly narcissistic. I said it. Fearful avoidance are highly narcissistic. So are dismissives, but I think the fearful avoid. I'm just the fearful avoidant triggers me. I'm sorry. I'm just. I just had to say it, but nonetheless, let me wrap this video up, y'all. Let me know what y'all think in the comments section. Did I miss anything? Do you agree with me? Disagree with me? Um, and um, I will let you know I'm going live Saturday or Sunday. Watch the community bulletin board. It will be seven p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Seven is my favorite lucky number. It will always be seven, seven o'clock Eastern Standard Time, either Saturday or Sunday. I look forward to interacting with you guys. I love you, Toronto, Canada. I will see you May Fourteenth. Love you guys.