Day 20👗 Become Elegant in 30 Days!

All right, everybody. Come on in. All right, everybody. Welcome back. We are up to day 20 of the Elegance Boot Camp. For anybody new here, hi, I'm Maggie. You know me as Maggie, the Substitute Teacher. I have a cooking channel on all platforms. I'm all about food and femininity. I really love helping feminine women attract and keep the masculine man of their dreams. Lucy and I have founded the Finishing School for the Modern Woman. So if you're a woman of any age who's interested in etiquette and elegance and femininity, we have so many resources for you, private group coaching, as well as I do one-on-ones. And then we also love to give back to the community. So we are teaching you all what we have learned. Lucy, would you like to introduce yourself? Hi, I'm Lucy, also known as Lucasley20. I have a channel that mostly focuses on teaching Spanish, basic Spanish for the most part. And then I sprinkle from time to time some topics about femininity, elegance. Today, I think I've shared a post from a psychologist talking about why some women cannot get into a full-on relationship. I recommend you listen to it. I'll send it to you, Maggie. It's really good what he shares. So, and yes, we're on day 20 of this 30 and 30. Absolutely. So if you are just joining us, come on in. Everything is available for you all to get caught up on Facebook, YouTube, Twitch, Twitter, Instagram, Lucy's YouTube. And we also have a Spotify playlist. You can look us up, Finishing School for the Modern Woman or this Elegance Bootcamp. All right. So I'm going to bring you guys up to speed quickly. We are, I guess, two-thirds of the way done in a 30-day month. We're up to day 20. All right. Thank you all so much for being here. We see some students in the chat, as well as some new people. All right. So y'all know we have been struggling streaming, so you already know what it is. But we are going to bring you up to speed for anybody who is just joining us. We are covering the Ultimate Elegance Guide from Woman of Elegance. And so just a quick recap for you. We started from the outside in. Ladies, make sure you have your signature style. Make sure your closet is organized and ready. Make sure your shoes and accessories support your look. Make sure your makeup and hairstyle is neat and easy to recreate. Make sure you always look neat and smell nice. Stay on top of that grooming. This is where I struggle. Ladies, work on that posture. Make sure when you sit or stand, you exude feminine confidence. Then we started talking about that conversation etiquette. Ladies, make sure you listen more than you speak. Make sure you think before you talk. Don't just blurt it out like I used to. Make sure when you do speak, you are articulate so people can understand you. But don't share everything, ladies. Everything isn't for public consumption. Be discreet. All right. Then watch any of those nervous ticks and clicks, anything in your body language that may show that you're a little bit anxious. Also, be well-read and be versatile so you can mingle in any company. We just wrapped up the dining etiquette section. I love this. Make sure you know your table manners, ladies. Make sure you're using those utensils correctly when you dine. Know how to read a menu when you're in a restaurant. Also, know the protocol when you eat with others. It's never about the food. Then we spent two glorious days talking about afternoon tea. Even though it's a British tradition, we can have a lot of fun with it here. All right. We are up to section number four. We're talking about relationships. I think relationships are a priority. That's what we prioritize here. We like to talk about long-term relationships and marriage. If that's what you're interested in, welcome to our community. So yesterday, we talked about choosing wisely, ladies. All right. Make sure you hit your wagon to something you can be proud of. Today, day 20, we are going to talk about not losing ourselves, make sure that you have that character, that personality. What makes you uniquely you is important. Okay. So the book that we are reviewing is linked in the description. I'm going to pull it up so you all can see, and then we'll get right into it. Woman of Elegance is another YouTube channel. Viviana Bena has given us permission to teach from her book. So exciting. So it's 30 things to do. If you add them on every day, you'll be well on your way to your elegance journey. Also, if you want your own copy, it's a digital download. You can get it at 20% off with the code elegance20. However, for our students, current and future, Brandon L. Jett has made the book complimentary. So it is available for you. All right, ladies. I'm so excited. Now, let me see if I can pull up our book, show it to you all quickly, and then we will go to day 20. So exciting. So exciting. All right. So this is the beautiful Viviana Bena. You all please check her out and support her on YouTube and Instagram and Facebook. So this is the book, The Ultimate Elegance Guide. So you can see here, we have gone through all of these different sections. She gives some really good tips on what to do with some pictures. So you can kind of understand if elegance and refining is important to you. All right. So now we are up to don't lose yourself. So before I begin, Lucy, would you like to share anything? Looking forward to this one. It sounds really interesting. Okay. So let's see. Vivian says, landing a man is not the ultimate achievement for a woman. Keep pursuing your dreams. You have not arrived. Set standards and limits and maintain them. So I do want to talk a little bit about this, ladies. Now, here in the Finishing School for the Modern Woman and all of the content that we do, it's really about personal development. And I have said from the beginning, whether or not it's for relationship goals, a lot of us have relationship goals, or it could be so that you carry yourself well if you're meeting investors or maybe a job interview or maybe meeting the in-laws or anything. We want to make sure that our ladies are prepared for every environment. Now, I'll raise my hand to say I do prioritize relationships. I'll be 48 next week. And as we age, I don't want to buy a dog and die alone. So I've shared with you all my story, and my guy actually really appreciates all the work that we're doing. But even if it's just for you, I would say, like Vivian said, you've never arrived. We can always get better. What would you say, Lucy? I agree. And I think that even if you're not looking for a love interest relationship, it's all about relationship building and maintaining good relationships, whether it's with your neighbor, whether it's with your coworker, whether it's with your family. It's all about just being courteous and being just kind with each other. Absolutely. So ladies, if you have taken any of the courses that Lucy and I talk about, the ultimate elegance is really about two things, about simplicity and consideration for other people. In a nutshell, when you boil it all down, you never want to do anything that's going to make people stop and focus on you. You really want people to lean in and get to know you because there's a mystery about you. There's something, everything is not on display and they want to get to know you. That's true elegance. It comes from the inside out. But I do agree with what she says in part. So landing a man, and I love having a man, is not the ultimate achievement. So yes, ladies, when you are in relationship or when you are being vetted or when you are dating, you do want to make sure that you have passions or hobbies or something that interests you outside of your relationship. Why? You want to bring something to the relationship. Now look, I'll be the first one to tell you, the men don't care about our six-figure salaries and big plaques on the wall and degrees. I have all of that. Men fall in love with who we are to them and what we do for them consistently over time. So as time is going on, you want to show that you are growing in some area. I'll tell you all a little story. When I started taking these etiquette classes, I didn't tell my man, but I've shared with you all multiple times. He said he was being groomed for a VP position. And I was like, ooh, if y'all know me, I have a silly side, a very silly side. And that's not always appropriate. So I started taking classes, just kind of quietly doing some self-study because I wanted to refine because I knew he would be in those circles. And we went out and he was like, babe, there's something different about you. My posture was better. My communication was better. My mannerisms were better. And he appreciated it. And so have something. Ladies, whether it's gardening or cooking or studying or learning a language or studying wine, whatever it is, find something that brings a little bit of character. You don't want to just be sitting at the door like a puppy dog waiting for him to do everything. Now, what I do is very fluid. And I make sure if he says, hey, I'm coming over to watch football, I can adjust for that. But have something. What would you say to that, Lucy? I agree. And it's also it's a reminder for those women that always have that focus of, I got to get a man, I got to get a man. No, the man is going to come once you are completely emotionally well balanced and you are ready to take on that additional person that you can work with. So I think that sometimes focusing on that one goal about having a man keeps you from working on yourself, working on maintaining your personal identity, your learning about healthy boundaries, focusing on your personal growth. So as you have that maybe thought about finding that significant other, you on your own are supposed to be working on developing as a woman. I love that. And I just want to shout out, thank you, Lindbergh, for the $5 cash app. I appreciate that. You all are so generous to us. You come and you support us. You engage in the chat when you go above and beyond. We really appreciate it, especially since we are the older women teaching the young. I love the support that we have from the men. So thank you. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Let's see what else Vivian has to say, because I have some extra thoughts about that too, ladies. So she says, set goals for yourself, communicate them across to him and go ahead and pursue them. Now, I really like this. Now, look, I am a firm believer. I have said it a hundred times, ladies, we are not equal. We are equally valued, but men and women are very different. And in traditional relationships, I believe that the man leads and the woman supports. That's what I believe. I do acknowledge there are lots of different types of relationships, but what we teach is that traditional. So I don't involve myself in anything. And if I have, you know, I get in trouble for it, but I try not to put too much on my plate so that my relationship suffers. So that's what I mean, but absolutely I have goals. There's activities that I do by myself because I know he's not interested in it, but I love it. Right. So he'll ask me, how was it or whatever else I'm interested in. So ladies, you absolutely want to have something that you're passionate about and be able to talk about it because there'll be like a light in your eyes. So there'll be like an excitement that kind of brings them joy. Women really are amused to men. I know sometimes, you know, I mean, he also calls us agents of chaos. However, like the late great Kevin Samuel said, sometimes that inspiration just about being around women and the way that we see things and the beauty that we find in things, or, you know, how we sometimes get emotional is something simple. They don't think that way. And so when they talk to us and we can share that with them, it's almost like, wow, that is really nice. I've driven past that garden all this time and I've never really appreciated it. Right. So there are things that you can bring to yourself and also to a relationship. So I always love to give you all tangible tips when you're talking about your goals or maybe you're dating or meeting someone and he asks, you know, you can say something like, you know, I've always seen myself as a wife and mother, and I would love to do that one day, but right now I'm really, you know, enjoying volunteering this time of year with the homeless. I don't know. I'm making it up, but there's something that there are ways to walk and chew gum at the same time and say, I would absolutely love to marry again. But until then, I keep myself busy volunteering at the kids' school. So you ladies get the point. And you never know when you go out there and actually are in your community, you never know who you'll bump into and then strike up a conversation and the rest could be history. What would you say, Lucy? I agree. And that goes back to when the man is vetting you, he listens to what it is that you're spending your time on, what kind of personal development you're doing. Are you going to do any volunteer services for your church? Are you going to do something that will develop you as a person? Or are you getting invites to go on a yacht with some random person, random thing that, you know, he's watching and he's listening. How is she spending that time on what she says she's developing herself? Is she learning how to garden? Is she a culinary person? She's going to take, you know, cooking classes and so forth. So just make sure that when you're sharing your goals, they are goals that will have him think this could be useful once I make her my wife. Is she going to be a good mother? Is she going to be a good housekeeping person for the home? So just spend time on things that develop you as a woman. And that could possibly be something that a man, when he listens to that, he will say, that's the woman I want to marry. Oh, such a good point, Lucy. I love that. Ladies, you have to realize that men think much further ahead than we do. We live in the moment. We explore the day. We think about, you know, day-to-day things. Men are very, they're planners. Their brains are just wired differently. So when a man talks to you and all you know is pop culture and housewives shows and the TikTok dances and all that, and that's fine. But if that's all that you can have a conversation about, he's thinking, hmm, well, my future daughter is going to be, you know, twerking on TikTok and knowing these, you know, housewives and whatnot. Is there anything else that you can add value with? So just keep that in mind, ladies. They're thinking about right now, but also in the future. So just wanted to give that, that little tip. All right. Especially the masculine men that we want. What else does Vivian say? She says, you shouldn't lose yourself to conform or please anyone. Ooh, we're going to get into that. Compromise, but don't lose yourself. Neither should you relinquish control of your life to anybody. Now this one gets kind of deep. All right, ladies. Now, hopefully we know the difference between submission, which is, what did Kevin Samuel say? Happy cooperation and control. This is not control. If you choose wisely, the man that you have or the man that you want should want you to enjoy life. He should want you to do things that bring you joy. He may not want to do it. He may not understand why at all I like thrifting or going to the dollar store and going through the clearance rack, but you know what? It makes me happy. So I do agree. And I'll share, you know, a little story with you ladies. I've shared that I got married at 25, married my college boyfriend. And I do, I got caught up in that modern woman, men and women are equal. I was headstrong. You couldn't tell me anything. And so unfortunately, the marriage ended in divorce, but I was so ashamed of that because I felt like I was letting everybody down. I did such a good job of making it look perfect for a long time. It was like, we're fine. We're fine. Everything's fine. No, everything's fine. And I was miserable inside. This is not that. You definitely don't want to stifle who you are. So you want to choose wisely and make sure that you can be yourself. I still can be my silly self. You all know, I just can't be my silly self everywhere all the time because it's not appropriate. So, you know, hopefully we use our common sense here and you get that gut feeling when you know, okay, yeah, I was a little extra or this is not normal. And ladies, this is not about suffering in silence at all. We want you to enjoy your relationships and just be the best version of yourself. What would you say, Lucy? Very well said. A good man, a masculine, you know, traditional man will want you to have your individual time to do what you like doing. Because again, they don't like the same things we like. We, you know, Maggie and I can go to a tea service. My husband is going to look at me and say, you know what? Have at it, have fun, enjoy and go. Let me do my, let me work with my tractor back here. Let me do the yard back here. So, but then that also comes with the trust that you build with being your individual self. So, you got to find the balance between togetherness and individuality. And I think that individuality comes when you both trust each other, when your husband trusts that you're going to go visit Maggie without any issues whatsoever, or yes, or with my sisters, going somewhere with my sisters, because, you know, those are people that he trusts and he trusts me that I'm going to be okay in my individual self. I absolutely love that. And I want to come to the chat and hear you all's thoughts on this. And hopefully you hear our heart. But yes, ladies, this is not about losing your identity. And I think, like I said, if you choose wisely, the man that you have is going to want the best for you. He will actually sacrifice so that you can be happy. I'll give you all another quick story and then we'll come to the chat. You all know I'm a little bit of a foodie. So, whenever we go somewhere, I want to try the special. I want to, what do you recommend? Is there anything new to the area? He wants pancakes. And I'm like, but they have this. Do they have pancakes? I'm like, yes, they have pancakes, but we could have this. We could have avocado toast. We could do this. He's just like, I want pancakes. I'm like, man. But you know what? He lets me do all of that fun stuff. And I allow him to be happy in his consistent ways as well. Let's see what you guys are saying in the chat. The clue channel says my wife to be. Oh, congratulations. We love, love here. My wife to be, and I do a lot together, but she doesn't want to be around when I'm with the boys. Thank you for saying that ladies. Yes. Oh my goodness. No, allow the men to have their time. I don't know. Lucy and I have very traditional upbringings and I remember, you know, parties, holidays or whatever. And we would eat and then the men would go and, you know, talk loud and watch sports or whatever. And, you know, me, I'm that little kid, like what's going over there at my mom's like Maggie in the kitchen, you know? And I'm like, oh shucks, you know, but I learned men and women are different and they want to have their space. And ladies, I don't really see the attraction now to be like in the middle of a bunch of man stuff. I'm a boy mom too. I want to run for the Hills. You know, that's why I like my lady things, the teas and whatnot. But, but yes, allow them to have their full expression because trust me, when we're doing our girl thing and we're going over and over with our stories, we want them to leave us be. What would you say to that, Lucy? I agree with clue and you as well. And it's also again, going back to is part of consideration to the men. Every time you walk in, when there's many men, remember they're going to have to maybe change the way that they address themselves because there's a lady in the environment. And why would you want to change the environment that they were having fun and you're going to be like a wet blanket into whatever they were talking about. And it's like, come on, let them be them. And you spend time with, with the women. I mean, we have different ways of communication. I know that every time we get together, we're going to be getting together on Saturday because of course we couldn't get a date for Thursday or Friday. So Saturday is going to be our Thanksgiving. And when us women, when we get together, he sounds like tackling hands with all the, you know, the laughing and the, and the talking, whereas the men they're on there, they're looking at cars or looking at other things divided and it's good. It's, it's having them separate. It is a good thing. I agree with you. I have a little bit of story time and then we'll come through the chat and see what you all are saying. So boy, mom, they are 14 and 16 now, but when they were young, you know, I take them to the barbershop, their dad and I co-parent really well, am a complete divorce. So, and they actually live with dad now that they're older, but when they would work with me, I would take them to the barbershop and ladies, I would walk in and the laughter, whatever they were doing, the Kung Fu fighting, the wrestling match or whatever. It was like doom, doom, doom. And then they would be like, Hey, Hey, Hey, cut that off. Cut that off. Now, Lucy brings up a really good point. There was a part of me that was like, Oh, the queen has arrived. They have made the environment comfortable for me. How selfish, how selfish of me to think anybody has to conform to me. What I realized, I do appreciate that because they're showing respect that a lady has entered in and ladies, if men talk to you like, Hey bro, or any of that other stuff, you might not be showing up as elegantly as you want to. We can help you with that. But what I realized is the men are already in multiple environments having to like conform. So what I started doing when the boys were old enough, I would just text the barber, pull up, let the boys go out, cash app him the payment, go run a quick errand and then come out and they come back, you know, high and tight or shadow fade or who knows y'all know what it is. Because I didn't want to disturb their environment. So likewise, we don't want to lose ourselves. I would offer ladies, we should allow our men to have their full expression as well. Mona is agreeing in the chat. Everybody's coming through. Hello, everyone. Thank you all for liking the live stream. Professor S says, yes, men are masculine. Women should be feminine. That's nature's balance. That's how it should be. I love that. Thank you all so much for being here. We've got new people in the house. Hello, Lee Munch. Thank you so much for being here. And I saw Akita G in the chat. Thank you so much for being here. But yes, that's what Vivian had to say. Did you want to add anything else, Lucy? I had something to say, but I didn't write it down. Okay, guys, I'm old. I was thinking I had a really, really good thought. And it's like squirrel, it's gone. So if it comes back, I'll mention it. It will absolutely come back. So we'll take a little break here. And I'll just let you all know what else we have available while Lucy's memory is jogging. Look, we have shared with you all, we are two older women, I will be 48 next week. So I'm 47. Lucy has shared that she is 57. And we do believe in aging gracefully. Ladies, we're all going to get older, okay? We all remember our younger selves. We just want to make sure that you enjoy the process and that you've chosen wisely, and that you age gracefully because you can always get better. What does Killis say? It's the best time when he goes, oh, and does his own thing, excuse me, because it gives me a chance to do my own thing. We're always together. So it's nice to have me time sometimes. This is back when I dated. Well, I was, thank you, Killis. I was gonna say, oh, we have news. We have news. But yes, so ladies, Lucy and I, we do the Elegance Bootcamp. This is every night for you, usually between 8 or 9pm Eastern. We also have the Finishing School for the Modern Woman, which is our privately taught online, what is it? A Saturday school. It comes with workbooks. We ship these directly to you. It's eight weeks. We cover everything from confidence to dining to international etiquette. It's taught Saturdays, 3pm Eastern and 12 noon Pacific. Registration is open. You can go to the link in the description. If you or anyone you know could use a little of refining or men, you want to gift your lady, we start up again in January, January 6th, and we'll go for eight weeks. We also have guest speakers and so much good stuff. We are also planning our graduation dinner. So we have a very generous sponsor who will be providing plaques for all the students. You get a digital certificate, but we are going to have a dinner here in Atlanta for anyone who has completed the program. We just wrapped up our fall session and we're going to have our winter session and that we would love to celebrate with you all in person. So feel free to register. Delphia says, I agree on the men having their own space. Is that right? Y'all, I'm telling you, like when I'm around a lot of men, I'm just kind of like, I feel like out of place. Like anything could pop off because in my opinion, now y'all know I'm soft. Okay. I'm like memory foam. They're violent for no reason. Like just loud and hard and it's a lot. Did it come back to you yet? Yes. Yes. Yes. So I was thinking that, you know, when we're in my family environment, when all the women are together and the men start incorporating us, it's just because they want to be there with us. And that is such a nice feeling because they want to come in after we've done all the cackling and all the craziness, they gave us that time to do it. And then one by one, the husbands start coming in to get into maybe the general conversation, maybe to maybe give us a little nod to let us know that it's time to go. But it's good to have to allow them in our groups because they want to be there for a little bit, not for long term. I can guarantee you that they cannot take woman talk for any, for a long term. And ladies, do not torture your men with this. You all know I do consults or if you don't know, I do one-on-one consults. If you want a complimentary session, you can find all of the details at teachable moments with maggie.com. Ladies, for the love of all things, holy, do not subject your men to a bunch of cackling hens. Like Lucy says, I'll tell you all, there's actually somebody that I know who was dating somebody she was actually quite interested in and took him home to some type of barbecue or something like that. But unfortunately from her, she came from a family of just women. I don't know if the men ran for the hills, but it was the aunties and the cousins and the grandmas and the nieces and everybody was just hen pecking him. Are you going to marry her? All that stuff. So they did the barbecue and then when they came back, he was like, yeah, this is not going to work out for me. Unfortunate, but ladies, men do a lot to tolerate us and our ways. So just be mindful of that. And this could be a great area where you can do some things on your own. I'm not going to advise for the girls trips because those can go left unless it's the caliber of women that are going to keep things on the up and up. But yeah, really take time, those spa days, afternoon teas, anything like that, that you can do. That's kind of the stuff that I like, but yeah, let them have their time. Let boys be boys, believe me. Thank you all so much. Anything else, Lucy? I think it's important to remember that the more autonomy and trust in our individual things that we can do, the more healthy our relationship will be because then there's not going to be that resentment about, oh, he never lets me do this. Oh, he never did. Then they start, then you start saying, oh, he's trying to control my time. But then again, it comes with that respect and that trust for each other. So I think that once you establish that trust in the relationship, you trust that he's going to do his thing. You trust that you're going to do your thing. I think that that will allow the relationship to go longer term than one relationship that starts with all that broken trust and broken respect. And it's just a disaster. Oh my goodness. We have MGTOW by Logic says, I'll pay for an etiquette class for her. Thank you. And then I continue to read and it says, that's some nice free time. Okay. Well, that wasn't originally a selling point. However, yes, gentlemen, if you need a Saturday afternoon to yourself, send your ladies to us. We will gladly, we will gladly take them and bring them back refined for you. But I mean, all jokes aside, you know, we, we absolutely love it, but the link is in the description and enrollment is open. I think Mona just dropped it down. We will begin in January. But one of the things that I love about this space is that, you know, being in your forties or in your fifties, sixties, seventies, we've all seen like really regal and elegant older women. And I plan to age gracefully and continue to keep the things that make me uniquely Maggie. You all know, I'll always be doing a recipe somewhere. I'll always be talking about femininity stuff. I love a spa day. I love travel. Part of why I'm in those travel groups is because I'm trying to go everywhere with me because I'm always doing stuff. That is the quote. You're always doing stuff. Yes, I am. Do you need me for anything? No, you just always doing stuff. That is correct. So absolutely. Ladies find something that brings you joy. And I agree with Lucy. It will make your relationship better. Nick tells us my best advice is to try to get what you want while ensuring your partner gets what they want. This is good advice for all relationships, personal and professional. I agree. It has to be mutually beneficial. Of course we sacrifice. Of course we compromise, but any relationship you're always taking, taking, taking, and someone is always giving, giving, giving. It's not sustainable. And I agree whether it's a work relationship or a family relationship or a love relationship. You want to make sure that the other person has their needs met, including yourself. What would you say to that, Lucy? This topic reminds me also about the statistics about some of the couples that were enclosed because of COVID. Some of them could not live with each other being so close together because they weren't able to find the individual size of an apartment. My husband and I, I love reading. So he leaves me alone reading my own little thing in a corner somewhere while he's doing his numbers in his computer. And I think that a lot of those folks were not able to find their individuality in such closed spaces and those relationships broke. Oh my gosh, look at you guys coming through. Kim Kay says, thank you ladies for the 30 days of elegance. They have been so helpful. I appreciate all of you. Honestly, y'all, this is just what we like. We didn't think any, but we, we didn't know how much this was going to land. I just, I feel so strongly about bringing solutions to the community because both sides are talking about what's wrong with the other side. And so this is the hill I want to die on. And I appreciate when you all are here and you support, but when you go above and beyond like that at Kim Kay for the $49.99. Thank you. Thank you. Absolutely. Yes. Isaiah likes what you said. Oh, you guys say we do good work. I'm going to update Kim Kay in the ticker in just a moment. Kayla says my relatives were trying to marry me off back in the day. They'd bring men for family gatherings. So embarrassing and awkward. I guess it was nice of them, but I felt very uncomfortable and felt forced. I understand. Yeah. And ladies, I mean, again, why I say choose wisely because you don't want people around you to feel like they need to, you know, insert themselves. I mean, honestly, they just shouldn't, this is the decision you should make, you know, with counsel, but you know, you have to make sure that this is your forever and ever, but we all know what it feels like to be in an environment that you really don't want to be because you're kind of doing it because somebody asked you. So another tip ladies that I do because I'm always doing stuff as I've been told when we travel together, I'm that typical woman that I'm like, Ooh, here's the itinerary starting at eight in the morning. We're going to go here. We're going to go do this. We're going to see this. We're going to go to this show. And he's looking at me like, um, no, I'm like, what do you mean? We're only going to be on this Island, on this crew, on this content or whatever it was. And he's like, I'm not trying to do all that. I was shocked. So here's what I do now, ladies. I still do all of the planning for me. I have a list of all the things I want to do. I prioritize that list in order of importance to me. And then I humbly ask, may I have one item on this list? And I know it could be a yes or it could be a no. And if he says, okay, we'll go try this restaurant or okay, we'll go do this, watch this show. And I know the rest of it, I'm going to do on my own and I'm okay with that. And sometimes it's even more fun because I'm like, Ooh, I can really like get in here and spend as much time as I want to on the clearance rack, whatever your thing is, ladies, but don't put other people in a situation that you wouldn't feel comfortable. Like if you were forced to participate, what would you say to that, Lucy? I agree with that. Can you hear me or do I need to get, okay. So speaking of doing things, going together somewhere, what I do with my husband, because my husband, his family doesn't live here. My, my entire family is here in California. And for like all these long day, it's like hours of gatherings. What we do is we drive different cars. He comes in, we come together. And then once he's had enough, then he can leave to take care of the, of the dogs. And you know what? It has worked for 16. Well, no, maybe he started doing that two years in for, you know, for 14 years and it works fine. And my family understands I get it. You know, sometimes family gathers are too much, especially for, you know, for those men that can only take that stuff for you for too long. So I think it's, it's, it's, it's that compromise that you in, in problem solving that you come together on how things are going to work. I love that. I've never thought about that. Oh my goodness, ladies. How many times have we held our men hostage at these family gatherings, the big African family, the big Latino family, like whatever it is. And they're just like, please make it stop. That is an excellent tip. So they can show their face. They can enjoy the meal, but y'all let's be honest. I even know this about myself. Sometimes you can only take people in small doses, including Maggie. Like maybe it's just too much. I understand. I get it. I get it. It hurts, but I get it. What do y'all say it in the chat here? Yes. Y'all love what Lucy says. I love Lucy too. Thank you for the support. I'm glad you all appreciate it. MGTOW says, yeah, the beer bug quarantine, beer bug quarantines revealed my ex-wife's contempt for me. Oh no. Thank God it's over. And I have my current partner. Okay. I'm sorry that happened, but yeah, ladies, a lot of, some relationships, I feel like ours got closer during the pandemic, but yeah, sometimes not even, that's a tough one, but I understand. Eek. Killa says, finally got a chance to go over the San Diego meetup fully earlier this year. Wow. She says, what great coverage, Maggie. Oh, thank you. I hope you will do the same for the cruise. You're on water. So no stealing people's Ubers. Oh my gosh. Y'all, I totally forgot about that. Okay. So let's see. Do I still have this here? Yeah. So you all next week, Monday, we are sailing away. Me and 2000 of my closest friends. Now you all know it'll be me, lead attorney, AV, some other scholars from the community. We are sailing away. We are going from Orlando to the Bahamas. My birthday is next week, the 28th, no 29th Wednesday. So we're doing a Maggie meetup plus cruise and all of that. So anyway, yes, I've already got the internet package and I will be sharing with you all when I'm allowed to. Thank you so much for that. Yeah. And killer says, Oh no, Maggie itinerary on vacation is the worst. I know y'all I come here and I humbly share the mistakes that I've made. I know, but I just, I'm always doing stuff. How do you vacation Lucy? I usually, because I'm so relaxed, I just allow, if we go in a group, I'll just, you know, they're going to do their thing. And I just say, if I need time for myself, let me have time for myself. I'm going to let you know, we're going to Miami in February. So we're going to see the disaster. Okay. Not the disaster, but the fun that we're going to have because it's all my sisters with the husbands. So, and there's, it's going to be five days on nonstop, uh, going to different restaurants. So I'm already the introvert. I'm already thinking this is going to be, this is more Maggie's thing. Me, I asked them, I need some time to decompress because that's going to be too much for me. So we'll see. So yeah, I mean, I, I have fun as much fun as I can, maybe sitting down, relaxing in a little corner, let people have their own thing. And I just watch and, you know, and just relax. Okay. So you all already know Lucy and I have a lot in common, but, uh, one of us is the extrovert and one of us is the introvert, but yeah, I know that's why I have to do a lot on my own. Like, because you know, everybody doesn't, everybody doesn't want all of this all the time, but I understand. And this is why I continue to promote this space so that I can adjust and that I understand. Shucks. Y'all shutting down the fun. MGTOW says older women should be mentors to young women, not competing with them for Chad. 100%. I mean, ladies, we talk a lot about personal development, but I agree. I mean, I really do believe the older women should teach the young. I mean, not too long ago, that's how it was. I still don't think anything we say is really that life like changing. It's just kind of like the way we were raised. If you had a traditional upbringing, but I understand a lot of women don't have that now. So that's why we have this space and you all are all welcome here. Kayla says she's laughing. I guess we all have our important things. I don't want to do anything on vacations. Okay. You and Lucy can relax. I'll come back with a coconut and a souvenir shirt and hair braided and ankle seashells and all that. Just wake up whenever, hang out with the locals, sit with a good view, good food, and a cigar. Okay. I want to do an improper poll. For those of y'all who go on vacation, are you doing team Maggie, where we're going to do everything and have a story to tell? Or are you team Lucy, where you just want to sit back, relax, and just enjoy? Okay. So put Maggie or Lucy in the chat. Either way, there's no wrong answer. I just want to know how badly I'm outnumbered here. Okay. Isaiah has a question. He says, my question is being a husband, a personality trait. I'll take a stab at answering this and then Lucy, you can answer. And I'd love to know what you all think in the chat. I would say no. To me, a personality trait is something that you're born with. For example, I never met a stranger. If y'all go back and look at my elementary school report cards, progress reports, Margaret is my name. Maggie is my childhood nickname. Margaret is very smart. She just talks too much. These are the conferences that my parents have had. Straight A's talks too much. Next year, straight A's talks too much. You see a pattern here. So I was raised to be a wife, but it is a skill that I had to one, be taught, and two, see demonstrated, and then three, display in my own marriage. So I would say likewise, being a husband, you need to see that so you can identify what a husband's role is. And then you need to be told, the older men or uncles or whatnot need to explain to you what a woman expects. I mean, like we're telling the boys now, look, you got to get yourself together because, you know, you're cute now, but cute don't mean nothing. And then you have to actually be intentional about doing it. How would you answer that one, Lucy? Muted. We struggle stream y'all. I don't even know why y'all keep coming back here. I know. It's entertainment. Lover and Shirley, Lucy and the other lady. Whatever. So I would say that this is, I don't know, I think my husband or your guy would probably be able to answer that question better. I'm thinking that you would, you would see the model of who you would want to be as a grown up man, whether that's a husband, whether that's a, you know, a long term bachelor. I mean, I don't know if it's a, it's a personality trait. I think it has to do with what you see as an example of who you want to be when you grow up. I agree. All right, let's round this out. Kim Kay says, thank you all for the happy Thanksgiving. If you celebrate, happy holidays. Lights went up today. Very exciting. A few of my friends are itinerary queens and I hate it because I'm more of a go with the flow while on vacay kind of lady. Isaiah says both. The Compliment King says he's doing Maggie and Lucy. Okay. Alternate days. You can have fun and then you can rest. I get it. Okay. Killis is traveling with Lucy. I already see how this is going. Migtow says he's going to be in the woods alone. He don't want neither of us. All right. So my van is quite empty. Looks like I'll be traveling alone. Kim Kay says team Lucy, but I love you, Maggie. I know. I know. It ain't gonna hurt my feelings. I know. Ain't nobody trying to hang out with me. S. Ed says balance. You get a little bit of Maggie and a little Lucy. Yep. Your bus is full. KK's on Lucy's bus. I know. Even Lisa. Really, Lisa? Team Lucy. But I'm probably actually somewhere in the middle. Okay. That's all right, y'all. I'll go cry in the corner. Nobody wants to party with me. Oh my gosh. Ed says that was me. Oh, talks too much on the progress report. Yes, y'all. Okay. Delphia says team Lucy. I think we're going to go ahead and wrap up this stream. Compliment King says I prefer to be active on vacation and relax at home or at other family members' homes. Okay. I hear you. Isaiah says I'm an introvert and an extrovert, both ends of the spectrum, but both wives. Oh, he's talking about us. An introvert, Lucy, and an extrovert. Yes, we are opposites. We are Maggie and Lucy. Some of you all call us Laverne and Shirley. Zoom to Thailand calls us Salt and Pepper. So whatever brings you here, yes. But we are both wives. And thank you for that compliment. I think that really sums up this day well. As far as ladies, don't lose yourself. I'm always going to be me. Lucy's always going to be her. You can choose what bus to ride on. Mine has plenty of seating. Okay. On that note, I have no friends. So I'm going to go ahead and pout and wrap it up. Any final words, Lucy? Yeah, there's no such thing as Maggie not having any friends. She'll be picking up strays as she's driving her bus to go wherever she's going. I know, I know. Us introverts, we like to have our extrovert friends because they're the ones that are just, if we go somewhere, you know, she will be asking the questions. She's just going to know where to go because she's talking to everyone. But then again, those extrovert friends, we hope that they understand that sometimes our batteries get really depleted and we need that recharging time. And I think that that works very well. Absolutely. We compliment each other well. Marie Marie says she's in the third car behind Lucy's husband. She is out of here. Some of y'all, some of us are looking forward to the holidays and having a house full and just the love, the laughter, the Thanksgiving parades, the football, all of it. And some of you all are like, please make it stop. We understand all of y'all are welcome here. Okay. So you're right. I will never met a stranger. I will leave and come back and be like, you won't believe who I ran into. But hey, like I always say, closed mouths don't get fed. Kim K says, that's so true, Lucy. I'm introvert and all my friends are extroverts. So they helped me get out of my shelf. Exactly. Everybody needs a little Maggie in their life. I keep it, you know, in the wholesome box, but you know, I like to. Lisa says your husband laughs and says you've never met a stranger. Absolutely. All right, ladies. Well, this was a fun one. So this was day 20. We talked about keeping your personality, make sure you don't completely lose yourself in a relationship. I 100% prioritize relationships and I happily submit. But this is really about finding those things that bring you joy, finding those things that give you something to talk about that show that you are, you know, well-rounded and cultured and, you know, true to who you are. So I think we'll go ahead and wrap it up here. Tomorrow is, today's Monday, tomorrow's Tuesday. So are we on for our usual time, Lucy? You're muted. I don't know what's happening. This is so frustrating. Now you're seeing the real me when I get frustrated. The faces and so yeah, I think that we're going to have to talk about Saturday because Saturday, we finally agreed we're going to have our Thanksgiving get together. So we're going to have to kind of switch things around on Saturday, but as far as this week, six o'clock is fine. Okay. And that's six o'clock on the West coast. Y'all know Lucy's in California and I'm in Atlanta. No, it's fine. So we'll take this one day at a time, but yes, you all, if you want to catch these lives, I'm going to go ahead and tell you with the holidays coming and travel coming, we may have to do a little internet magic and, you know, do some stuff in advance, but we'll be with you all. So we will be back here live tomorrow, 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern for day 21. Thank you all for being here, whether your first time or you repeat, invite a friend. I'm glad that you all are enjoying the tips and we love sharing with you. So enjoy your evening and we'll see you all back on the next episode. Adios.