We've separated... what's next?

hello everyone yes I'm sure you are shocked I believe that Adam and I are still in Shack as well um we have unfortunately separated and it's not because of him and I at all we're probably gonna get emotional throughout this um too hard it is it's really hard you know we we have been on this incredible adventure together for 12 years and it has been my my honor and my privilege to have had you as as a partner and as as somebody that took me on this journey with them and has loved me so much um you're my you're my everything and I'm you know it's unfortunate that our life circumstances have taken us to a different place you know this is one of those terrible life lessons that you know sometimes love isn't enough and you know as incredible as this journey is we've just come to a point where we each want different things out of life moving forward and unfortunately there wasn't a compromise that we could find that would that would make it work so we wanted to take the time to come on and tell you that you know this journey has been so wonderful with you and thank you so much for coming along on these 137 videos across you know Central and South America it you really didn't make this journey so special and it was even better for us because you were there for with us every week yeah okay I think I pulled it together a little bit but yeah as we were starting out like Adam and I have separated um home in Michigan and it's not because of him and I everything you saw on screen was real we love each other so much but like Adam said it's situational I think a lot of you know that my sister passed away two years ago and you know since then I've really changed it's really changed my perspectives and what I deem important in my life and family is just you know so important to me and as I was going you know on this journey the last two years with you guys and with Adam and I feel so blessed and grateful to do that but every time I came home it just got harder and harder to come back and to be traveling and to be away from them and you know the last 13 years since College I've been gone so you know I would visit but I've never really been back and it's just time you know my dad he's 72 no one's getting younger my nephews they're 11 and 14 and they're like at that age where you want to be here you want to watch them grow up play baseball go to their football games and just be involved and you know Adam and I have talked about this a lot and I just don't want to resent myself I would never resent him because he wasn't making me do this you know this was my choice but I just don't want to look back and resent myself for not being here when you know my heart was telling me to and Adam always he told me you know you gotta follow your heart you gotta follow that happiness and of course you know he made me happy but there was this other side too that and it just had this bigger pull like I just need to be here and I need to be home and since I've been home I've really felt at peace like I miss Adam to death obviously um but I think this is where I need to be and it's just unfortunate that he can't be here with me but you know like I understand when we got together you know he he told me he didn't want kids he always wanted to live this extraordinary life and and that's what he's doing so you know and I and I honor that and I respect that and there's you know there there aren't hard feelings like I am employed right now you know I've been I'm just like a puddle and you know but like Heidi said my my priority has always been for her to be happy and and if that's with me that's wonderful and if it's if it's at home with their family then that's what it has to be and it's words fail to even come close to the the pain and the the sorrow and the you know the lonely that I feel knowing that she's not here on the journey with me anymore and you know I would like to continue the journey at some point you know down the road when I can get myself together when I can pick up these pieces because I am shattered absolutely shattered and I'd like to keep on traveling around the world with you and taking you on these adventures and so you know the future of our channel the future of my channel the future of what's happening is we're hoping or I'm hoping that I can pull it together enough that we can continue this together and I really hope that you will all be there and when I come back and we can continue this incredible Adventure yeah and if you're not I also understand that it's and I hope you guys will be there for him like I know I'm Gonna Be There Be Your Biggest cheerleader like yeah it means so much so much foreign but yeah this is just real life it's you know it's what Something's Happened like Adam said like it's the hardest lesson like learning that love isn't always enough because you always think that it is like love conquers all you know but sometimes like it's just yeah situational like I want to be here and you know he doesn't and that's okay he knows what he needs for him to be happy I wouldn't want him to be here and you know watch his soul kind of you know sink and just not have him be his happy self and I know it's gonna take time for him to get back to that without me because for 12 years we've been we've been each other's like everything you know but I know you're gonna get there Adam and I'm gonna be here helping you along the way so yeah and that means it means so much to me yeah angel I just yeah this is the hardest thing that I've ever have ever gone through and this is the most pain I've ever felt and it's you know this has been such an incredible journey with you you know we've had we've had enough Adventures for 10 lifetimes and and I'm so grateful for that thank you taught me how to live you taught me that there is this other side to life and I'm gonna continue living like that even though I am going to be living more of a normal life I'm excited for that too that routine kind of settling in but I'm always gonna carry those lessons with me that you've taught me along the way like seeking out happiness and joy and seeing the good and just everything you've taught me compassion so much love and I'm really coming away from this with that in mind I'm coming away from this I know when I look back at our relationship I'm just gonna be filled with so much love and joy and those memories and experiences and those will never go away and you're always going to be a huge part of my life always and you and you taught me so much about myself and about being better and about wanting more and about loving and loving myself and loving other people and the compassion that you have is so beautiful your heart is is so wonderful and you have been the light of my life for the last 12 years and it's going to be so hard to move forward without you it's going to be so hard I am so grateful for those memories and I wouldn't trade them for anything but you know right now it just hurts so bad knowing that you have to walk through that door again and I and I understand why and I like I said it's the most important thing is for you to be happy always been my goal it's always been the thing that was the most important to me because when you were happy I was happy and I just I appreciate all of your support like I don't know many people who would be so supportive and you know something as devastating as this and I think it's really beautiful that we can treat each other this way with such respect and I think that's you know it just shows how wonderful of a relationship that we had and how we respected one another and yeah I'm just really grateful that we can move forward together with that and knowing that we're gonna be there for one another yeah yeah and thank you to all of you again for being here with us throughout this almost 80 000 of you have joined this journey and it's been a highlight of my life and I know of atoms as well and yeah I just thank you so so much from the bottom of our hearts and I wish I could be there creating more it was yeah it was great but I just know in my heart this is where I need to be now and I just really hope you all understand that and I know for some of you it's probably gonna be hard to understand how you can let go of love like that but you know in the end this is our lives and we just had I just had to do what I knew was right from me so I hope you just respect that and yeah with Adam when he comes back please be there for him cheering him on and yeah thanks for everything yeah and I know I say it in every video that it would have been nowhere near as much fun without you but you know you're the reason why we created these experiences we've always traveled together but you know sharing them with you really made them that much more special and and it may appreciate our experiences more and each other more you know your your messages and your notes and you know they're they're the things that that keep us going every week your support and knowing that you're there in our community it it just it changed the whole game for us and you know that that's when I didn't know this was my dream until we started doing it it's because of you that it has become a dream and I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to pick up the pieces and try and get it back but I'm gonna come back and I am going to continue the journey so I really do hope that you're there with me if you know that Heidi's going to be there behind me and that is so important you know we we appreciate you from from the deepest parts of what we are in Heidi you are the most wonderful person I've ever known you're the most sweet and passionate and loving person with the most beautiful laugh and you made me into such a better person that I didn't even know I needed to be but I thank you so much for all those lessons and all those kisses and all all that love and cuddles and adventures together you have truly been The Greatest Adventure I could have ever hoped for and I will always be grateful for that from the moment you walk into my life until now and I feel the exact same way so yeah I love you I love you too all right bye everyone hi guys I'll see you later