Why "Nice Girls" Get Ghosted!

A lot of bad things start to happen in our dating life, in our love life, in our relationships, when we believe that the feelings of the other person are our responsibility. A lot of women will, for example, try to make their guy happy all the time, under the, well, if he's happy, I am happy motto. Some will try to give a man that doesn't have enough feelings for them, more feelings, so he can finally really see how great and awesome they truly are. Yeah, that's a really bad idea, in fact, because all that energy is not only lost, meaning you could have just as well spent it watching a cactus grow, plus it actually scares people away and it makes your love life worse, which is probably very counterintuitive. So let's talk about that in this video. I'll first go over the problems that this will create, and then we will see what to do instead. I'm an author. My name is Geert. I also use the much more pronounceable pen name Brian Knox. I write books about relationships for women. I write books about emotional intelligence, managing our emotions, and more topics. And thinking that a man's feelings are your responsibility truly is one of the worst things you can do in your love life. Now, the key word is responsibility. So feeling responsible for his feelings, as if it's your job. And you can, of course, do many things that make him happy, and he will hopefully do a ton of things that make your smile look like a toothpaste commercial. But his happiness, or his feelings in general, truly are not your responsibility. Now, this also means that his love for you is not your responsibility. So don't try to change it. All of these things are his responsibility and his alone. So let's find out why that is so crucial, especially in a romantic relationship. Now, first, this has a huge impact on attraction. Did you ever wonder why a certain man picked a certain woman to be in a relationship with, while you thought, huh, well, that's all really cool for them, but I would have treated him much better. I would have made him happier. And she, yeah, she cannot be trusted. Or some other bad thing about her. Why do a lot of men don't fall for nice girls? Let me turn that around. Did you ever wonder why a lot of women are attracted to players, or to men, they give off a player vibe? Well, there are, in fact, many reasons for this, and a lot of them are linked to him being a challenge. Sometimes it's the fact that these women believe they can convert him into a great guy because they believe they can see the good in him. But one of the biggest reasons, the major reason, is that he truly owns himself. Meaning he is unapologetically going to be whoever he is, and he doesn't change his actions to protect the feelings of the women he dates. And theoretically, it doesn't make any sense that any sane woman would ever find that attractive, but real life proves otherwise. The so-called nice guys who care a lot about your feelings are not that attractive to a lot of women. They always end up in the friend zone. And it's the same with men, but let me stick to women for a moment. How long would you remain attracted to a guy who, if you go to a restaurant with him for a first date, says, okay, so what table would you like to sit at? This one? Okay, cool. And you're not too cold, right? Or too hot? Pun intended, because you are really hot. I mean, I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to say that because it can be rude to some women. I know, obviously know, that you are way more than just your look. So I really didn't mean it in a rude way. I apologize. I hope that I didn't hurt your feelings or anything, because you are probably very smart too. Okay, maybe I should just stop talking now, but I just want to make sure that you're having fun. So you're having fun, right? Yeah? Okay, great. But you're sure, right? Because if you would rather go to another restaurant or sit somewhere else or go home, and not my home, I mean, I'm not trying to get you to my house. And I mean, even if I would, it would only be to show you my goldfish or my cactus, because I'm not like that. I promise. I'm not like those men who only think about one thing. I mean, I probably am, but I at least put in the effort to hide it. Okay, I should really stop talking now, but just let me know what makes you happy and I'll take care of it, because I want you to be happy, because that makes me happy. Okay, super sweet. And this guy will go on and on like this the entire night, because he feels responsible for your feelings. But the question is, would you like to see his goldfish after that? And I exaggerate to prove my point here, but this type of caring about your feelings will start to feel about as comfortable as getting a wet kiss on the lips from a smelly camel that has never heard of dental hygiene. Would you, in all honesty, remain or even ever be attracted to a man like this? Now, some women, when they date, but even in their relationship, they go into what I call reactive mode. So they start to react to his feelings or the lack thereof, meaning that if he's not showing a lot of feelings for them, then they start to feel really insecure. They may start to work harder for it. They may try to talk about some of their achievements or try to be sexier or do other things to raise his interest level. But that's a really bad idea. And be careful, because this is a mistake that's very easy to make when you have feelings for him. Oh, he's not really texting me. He never takes the initiative. Maybe I should text him something funny. Maybe I should watch some of those videos about five sexy texts you can send to a man so he falls head over heels in love with you overnight. Yeah, those videos exist. Maybe it's OK. Well, I've tried to suggest going on a third date, but for some reason he keeps deflecting. He doesn't want to go on that date. So what could I do to make him go out on another date with me to make him more interested in me? And then they get to work. Two big problems with this. First, these actions will obviously scare him away even more because he really doesn't want to be on that pedestal. Second, and this is the most important reason, why would you ever put an effort in a guy who has met you, has been out on a date with you, perhaps is in a relationship with you and then still didn't see your greatness? Is that really the guy you should fight for? No, not really. But a lot of women think so. And that's because of the many mind games that we suffer from as a human when we fall in love. It's really tough to cut the wrong people loose, stupid neurotransmitters and hormones of love. Now, how attracted he is to you and how much he loves you is not your responsibility. So you should never work hard for that. Because if you do, if you work hard for that, if that attracts him while you being you clearly is not enough for him to see what a great catch you are, well then prepare for the toughest job you will ever have had for the full duration of that relationship. No days off. Full-time chore. You're not looking for a one-night stand. You're probably looking for a relationship wherein he has a lot of feelings for you, but both on the good and also on the bad days, right? So that's the mindset you should have from the very beginning. Second, aside from the attraction, if you ever believe that it is your job, so your responsibility to make the man you are with happy, then he may get lazier and lazier in that relationship. And why wouldn't he? You're the one doing all the work. So two things can then happen. First, the great guys will probably eventually leave because it really will not feel right to them. Second, some bad men may absolutely love it and may behave more and more like a child. And then the relationship will start to feel like a trap to you because the harder you try, the worse it actually gets. The less love you get from him and the more he starts to sound like a four-year-old. Loud cries for whatever he wants included. But if instead you would say, okay, well I am just going to be myself and I hope that that's enough for him to be happy, for him to be attracted to me, for him to love me, and I will be good to him, of course I will. But if something I do makes him unhappy or makes him fall out of love with me, but it's just me being me, meaning I will probably do that again because it's just who I am, then it's really up to him to decide whether he wants to continue seeing me or not. Because I would rather lose him than myself. Now this is obviously never an excuse to be a bad version of ourselves in a relationship. We have to work on the bad sides of our personality. We have to grow. There's always a lot of growing going on in any relationship. But I hope you get the point. The more you let him deal with his own feelings, the easier it will be to truly be yourself in that relationship. To not feel insecure and to let go of the bad men and to really love the good ones who will love you for you. It's a win-win. And the man will also feel more secure in the relationship because he's not together with a pleaser. Nobody loves pleasers. Nobody loves people who overcompensate. And there you go. I hope you found a lot of value in this video because this can sometimes be counterintuitive. And as always, if you want more, you can find me on brianknox.com. If you want to read or listen to any of my books, they are on Amazon. You can type my pen name, Brian Knox, in the search bar. I appreciate you for watching until the very end. I love it when you do that and I hope to see you in another video.