I Don’t Find My Girl Attractive Anymore, Dating Girls With A Wild Past? Answering Your Questions

Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, I'm Courtney Ryan and today we're going to be doing an entry form advice column type video here. So if you don't follow me on Instagram, I posted an entry form on my story where you guys can submit situations, questions, general advice that you'd like to get from me where I answer it in videos like this. So that's what we're going to be doing today. I have a couple juicy situations and questions we're going to talk about and address in today's video. So let's get started. Okay, so submission number one here is from Charlie. Charlie says I don't find my girl attractive anymore. I don't know how to approach this. I don't want to leave her or break her heart, but she never took care of her body and she gained like 60 pounds and it obviously affects how I feel about her body. Am I an a-hole? I don't know. Okay, so this one is tough and I actually don't think that you're alone in feeling this way. I think this is a very common thing that happens when people get into relationships or when people get married, things like that where they kind of feel like they've secured the bag or locked it down in a way and then no longer feel that kind of urgency to, you know, make themselves look good or put in as much effort or try as hard. I mean you see this happen with a bunch of things, not just, you know, in the way that people take care of their body. So from just what you wrote, I don't know if you're married, maybe she had kids and she gained weight because of that. Like there are so many factors to consider here, but just from what you wrote it doesn't sound like that's the case. It sounds like you guys are maybe just dating. Which in that case makes it a little bit easier. So going off of that, just to put it frankly, again like I mentioned how a lot of people get complacent in relationships. If you want to have a successful, healthy relationship, you absolutely cannot get complacent. A relationship requires work and effort 24-7 regardless of how long you've been together, what you look like, all of that good stuff. So please keep in mind if you're someone who's getting into a relationship, you have to continue to put effort into yourself, into that other person, into the relationship in order for it to be healthy and successful. Part of putting effort in includes taking care of yourself, right? And I do want to say looks are absolutely not everything and if you got into this situation or this relationship solely based off of looks, I would say in that case you have made a mistake here. Because there should be a lot of other things to consider rather than just what a person looks like when you get into a relationship with them. Are your values, morals, ideas about life and goals aligned? Those are far more important than anything on the outside and to be honest with you, beauty fades. When you get older that's kind of just how the aging process goes. Of course you can still stay in shape and look amazing but our bodies change. They look different with different stages of life and things like that. So you should never solely be with someone just because of the way that they look because that's going to change and you're always going to feel disappointed because that's all you like about them. So you want to make sure you enjoy and love other parts of this person too. Do you love who she is? Do you love her personality? Do you like what's on the inside? Because again, that stuff is what is important for a long-term sustainable relationship much more than what she's looking like on the outside, right? So keeping everything I just talked about in mind before I say what I'm about to say, I do think it is disrespectful as a partner to let yourself completely go and expect the other person to just be okay with that. I mean again, beauty fades, our bodies change but to completely neglect yourself, gain a hundred pounds, let yourself go, like I just think that's really disrespectful. I would be upset if my partner did that. So again, looks are not everything. There are more things involved but physical attraction is very important and it's a huge part of a relationship. So if you don't have that and it's completely gone, like it makes things a little bit difficult and that's understandable. So now how do we approach this topic without completely destroying things, breaking anyone's heart, leaving them in the dust, like how do we approach this in a positive respectful way? This would be the best advice I can give you. Could you find a way to work on this together? Could you go to the gym together, make the conscious decision to you know work out together, eat healthy together and really make these lifestyle changes that you know both of you can participate in? Because it's very hypocritical if you are also 100 pounds overweight or you're fat sitting there upset that your girlfriend is fat. Like you can't, you know, you got to lead by example here and I don't think it's fair if you're someone who eats like crap and doesn't take care of himself and is also letting himself go thinking that that's okay but it bothers you when your girlfriend is doing it. Like if you're holding her to that standard, you need to be holding yourself to that standard as well. So that's something really important to keep in mind but again the best way to do this is just by leading by example. And again support her here, make the changes together. The last thing you want to say is you're fat and I'm not attracted to you anymore or you've gained weight and I'm not attracted to you anymore. Please do not say that unless you want to start World War III, okay? Women respond the best to positive reinforcement. So again doing things together, supporting her, encouraging her instead of putting her down or making her feel bad. So again don't be a jerk about it. You're clearly feeling bad about the fact that you feel this way. I can tell that from So just you know kind of have that reflect in the way that you interact with her. So lead by example and really set the tone for your health here. If you express that this is incredibly important to you and she still does not take it seriously or does nothing to change, then maybe think about the fact that maybe you know you guys aren't right for each other. Again you should want to be with someone who has values that align with yours and if your health is incredibly important to you and it's not to her, then that will become a problem later So please keep that in mind and again don't be a jerk about it. It doesn't sound like you are that way. I can tell from what you wrote that you're feeling kind of bad about the way that you feel. But I do think it is disrespectful to completely let yourself go as a partner and again expect your partner not to feel any different about you or they should just accept you for the way that you are. I know that sounds great in theory but health is important and if it's really important to you, the person you're with should kind of feel the same way. All right my second entry here is from Sean. He says, what is your opinion on dating a girl with a wild sexual past? Some people say the past shouldn't matter because it's the past, however your past is what makes you the person you are today. Also do girls care about guys' sexual past at all? Thanks. Okay so the first little question, what is your opinion on dating a girl with a wild sexual past? Now there has been research and studies done showing that you know people that had a more promiscuous past were you know more likely to kind of express those behaviors in the future. Your past behavior does sometimes you know predict your future behavior so that definitely is a thing. However I don't think it is 100% of the time accurate because I have heard stories of friends of friends of mine that were a virgin when they got married and then got married and completely went off the deep end. I mean sleeps with a different guy every week, cheats on her husband. It's a mess and she was a virgin when she got married and felt like she was missing out and things like that and I know I just know of this one story but it happens way more than you would think and I'm not saying that to scare you but I just am saying that so that you understand just because a girl is a virgin or has barely slept with anybody when she gets with you doesn't mean she won't cheat on you as much as a girl who had slept with a and comes down to her character and her integrity and how much she values herself you and your relationship. So again finding someone whose values ideas about life and success align with yours is incredibly important for many reasons including this one. And if you don't want to date someone that's had a wild sexual past or whatever it is you certainly do not have to. It's your preference. It is up to you and that is your choice to make. It's a preference just like anything else out there. You could compare it to a woman wanting to date someone who makes you know more money than a guy that doesn't. A guy might want to date a girl that slept with less people versus a girl that has. I mean it really is just preference. Okay I'm going to your second question. Some people say the past shouldn't matter because it's the past however the past is what makes you the person you are today. While I do think your past and your experiences all shape you into the person you are that doesn't mean that people can't grow and evolve and change for the better. I think a lot of people you know maybe do things that they regret and then they never do it again. So there's the term once a cheater always a cheater. And again while sometimes that is 100% the case and a guy will just keep cheating forever there are guys out there who do it once and never do it again. So I don't think it's necessarily always fair to base everything off of someone's past you know if they you know are choosing to change or don't want to do those kind of things anymore. So keep that in mind and again just because a girl hasn't slept with people or is a virgin doesn't mean she's not going to you know want to be promiscuous in the future or ends up cheating on you like that girl I know. So all right submission number three is from Mark. It says the girl I've been dating for three months now said we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend in her eyes yet. I respect that. She says she needs more time to get to know me and trust me. The thing is I feel as though I'm the only one putting in effort for this relationship to work. I plan all of the dates. I give a lot of affection but rarely get any back. Okay I hope things will improve as time goes on but I'm really not sure this is the case. Help. So basically she wants you to act like her boyfriend but doesn't want to give you the title of her boyfriend. She wants you to do everything a boyfriend does without the label. Absolutely not especially because you said you rarely get anything back which means half the things you're doing or maybe all of it is not being reciprocated which is a huge issue. If your time effort and energy is not being reciprocated you have to know when it's time to walk away and just everything you wrote in this leads me to believe you know exactly what you need to do but you're kind of dragging your feet because she's dragging you along. She's giving you this little glimmer of hope that maybe you'll turn into her boyfriend but you're already doing everything a boyfriend does without getting anything in return. So do you see how that's unfair? And I would honestly say that three to four months is kind of the mark when you either know if you're going to continue something with someone and get a little bit more serious or when things end and I know that's not always the case but just generally I think that's often enough time for you to get to know someone and trust someone to know if you want them to be your boyfriend or not. So if she's still this hesitant I don't know that would make me a little bit concerned if I were you. And just to be brutally honest with you here what it sounds like to me is that she wants the benefit of having you around but still wants to keep her options open. So keep that in mind again it's your choice your decision to make but trust your gut and know when it's time to walk away because it sounds like it's getting pretty close. And it also sounds to me like she might have some commitment issues like she's afraid to commit to one person wants to keep her options open. The fact that she says she wants to get to know you and trust you more like did you do something for her not to trust you because if you didn't then that doesn't really make any sense. And again after three months if you've been hanging out consecutively and like doing all these things for her planning dates you know being affectionate and stuff she should feel like she knows you at this point and if she doesn't I don't really know how far this is going to go. All right the last one we're going to talk about today is from Martel he says hey Courtney hope the holidays are treating you well what are your tips for talking about life accomplishments without sounding like that guy who thinks he's all that. I ask because I put a lot of work into becoming the kind of person I'd like to date and most of that has come in the form of experiences and achievements that I'm frankly quite proud of. I'm relatively fit well-dressed confident but I feel my most attractive traits are not immediately apparent when meeting new people. I understand that as a baby face 5'10 dude I'll never be a traditional hot guy material but is there a good way to play my strengths on the first few dates and interactions. Thanks for reading if you have any girlfriends interested in a 26 year old guy who can fight off a bear serenade them on guitar and has a solid 401k hit me up. Okay I can tell just from reading this that you're very funny charismatic nice sense of humor you really sound awesome and I think all of that is going to speak for itself you have a good sense of humor a nice attitude and again I think that's going to make you stand out and it sounds like you have a lot going for you and you would be a great partner you kind of have your life figured out and you're ready to you know make that next step and feel confident inviting someone into the life you're confident that you've built for yourself your accomplishments and your achievements will simply just speak for themselves those aren't things that you need to go out of your way to bring up or to prove or to act a certain way to impress a girl because you feel like you're not the traditional hot guy really what you want to do is just be you and again all of these things will speak for themselves just in this little paragraph you've written me I see all of that right there so I don't think you need to overcompensate by you know proving yourself or trying to sway the direction of the conversation a certain way to bring things up or I don't even really know how you would do that without coming across as that guy or someone who's braggy and things like that so you want to avoid that and your experiences and achievements will kind of come up naturally in a conversation with someone so you know say you're asking about places you've traveled to or what you did for school or what you do for your job things like that like all of those will naturally come up in a conversation and you won't have to like go out of your way to prove anything and when you ask me this question it kind of reminds me of the circumstances when guys who say they're alpha or guys who say I'm so high value typically are not because if you have to say you are something or prove to people that you are something you're not those things things like that will simply just speak for themselves again and you won't have to go out of your way to like prove it to anyone or show anyone you know that you are those things because again they'll just show for themselves so kind of keep that mentality in mind when you're going into conversations and dates and things like that is just be you be the authentic version of yourself be the best version of yourself put a good foot forward you say you dress well that's amazing um that's great for making a good first impression but again it doesn't sound like you even need my help it sounds like you have everything going on and just don't want to come across as braggy so in that case don't brag just let things come up naturally and be the most authentic you that you can be all right guys that is all i have for today's video if you liked it or found it helpful be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when i release new content if you haven't already be sure to follow me on instagram at courtney christine ryan i love connecting with all of you guys on there as well and that's how you can participate in future videos like this one so be sure to follow me there if you haven't already as always thank you all so much for watching and i will see you all next time