Your Beard SUCKS! - Comedian BT Kingsley - Chocolate Sundaes Stand Up Comedy

Everybody in here with a mask. You know, I don't know if y'all think we sick, but we think y'all sick Just so we clear With your little mask on y'all trying to make us feel bad. We think it's y'all patient zero I just want y'all to know they were like, what is the problem? We just we don't you know what I mean? Y'all sick of y'all good I'm, sorry when I first impressions, that's some other ----. **** all that nigga Y'all might as well get comfortable because i'm finna talk to y'all. So Everybody looking like what the hell is going on? I'm not gonna roast. Nobody. I just sometimes tell people what they look like to me so I want to talk So are y'all y'all feeling? Okay How you feel about them? With their little mask on and she's like, I don't really know Because we all rode together and then they get out the car You gotta tell us we doing mass girls. We supposed to match Where y'all from ladies too late mass ladies don't pull it down you gonna catch it ---- You might well take it off now Say, oh, yeah, I gotta be saying all from sacramento. That ain't a good enough answer You didn't even attempt it with the mask on don't mind sick people. It's the secret sick motherfuckers. I don't like it's this nigga Hey, man, how you feeling? I'm good I'm sorry, i'm sorry You sure i'm sure The nigga you sound sick ain't nobody Sacramento where from man Don't you pull that goddamn ass down? You ain't learn ----. I just told put the take them all ---- You were insubordinate. You just hit me tell her ass not to take it out You just want to show me your little pretty face little grown-ass pretty face where you from sexy Huh I love your voice. Oh your voice sound like you make the best greens She said I do Dude, that's what you're talking about the grown women. That's the ones grown woman won't let you leave that house Uh-uh, you don't just come over here for no pussy Take a plate Take that plate with you boy, you don't don't niggas don't leave my house hungry You're gonna leave here nuts empty and your belly full. Okay, take that goddamn plate. It's a taco plate in there There's some ham hocks and greens in there. Go on take it All right. Damn. All right philadelphia and you guys all together The the three of y'all why y'all ---- on the other people around you? We don't know them motherfuckers They're on the asshole. I'm just looking at y'all. Everybody relax. Don't try not to look at me, bro. I can see you Cool-ass jacking you young though. How are you, bro? I can see it. You got 23 year old energy. Y'all ain't used to seeing people in real life Just hold your phone up and watch me through your phone so you can be comfortable They ain't never seen nobody in real life this ************ see me the hell going on 23 man, we gonna **** up your hell. Yeah, this your dad Dad, don't save them during the show. You gotta fix them after let me ruin them first You ain't dash yet You heard me nigga. Step it up You 23 nigga you five years behind That's why your beard ain't grew all the way in you see your father beard. He eat your mama ass. What? What what his daddy eat ass? What's up? Early with You look at me like nigga. What are you doing? You can't judge me kendrick lamar You look like canine nigga goddamn. You look like that nigga. How often do you get that? Shit nigga, you are nigga a rappity rapper, bro You think the bank gonna let you disrespect park nigga? That's your face, bro That was the scariest part of that goddamn song That whole battle was going on. He said that ----. I said that nigga better not go to the bank You think the bank gonna let you disrespect park nigga if you listen closely you can hear kendrick biting his lip You think the bank nigga nigga? Hello white people Welcome happy white people We will have something for you before the night is over with Not you. We know you've been with us for a long time Travis kelsey brother, who know? I can tell by your fade and your beard. You don't really **** with the whites like that This nigga was marching with us This your first white girl He don't even know what to do with her he say what we what we having for dinner stroganoff stroganoff All right, ---- you you got some hot sauce in there tabasco damn We ain't got no crystals Where you from, bro? Oh, oh philly in here. All right. All right. Hey relax you with me You're trying to get my pussy away. That's me Don't do that skip your eyes away from my older black women ain't mine nigga It's my goddamn house it's connected to another house because philly ain't got no yards like that, but You know, is it did they play the rams or something today? Why everybody from philadelphia here tonight philly in the house make some noise Oh, it's just y'all four That was just a weird coincidence I want you to know sir. You big as hell then they can't see ---- behind you. You don't have to scooch down He's been doing like this the whole show bro. You got to You got a long torso and a short legs Goddamn you how tall are you? All right. I'm gonna stop ******* with you, man Come here and get to this weird ass fight with me I'll put my dukes up ready to fight you do me like this. I'm gonna be mad as hell If a nigga do you like this in the fight, you gotta scratch him Scratch the ---- out of you They got to a fight with the nigga not too long ago. I keep my nails along just for this nigga shink He got mad nigga why you keep scratching you fight like a bitch I say first of all nigga I'll fight like wolverine. That's the first thing The first thing you're gonna do is respect me He should have knew I was crazy if I say shink before the fight nigga That's not my nails. That's my mouth. I said shink If I rear if I rear you ---- It could go down Happy white people where you guys from Y'all live here You said you've been here a long time you said it like i'm not supposed to be asking you like what hood you from Don't worry about it It's burbank on mine, homie It's encino in here, baby You was finna bang on me steven spielberg Ma'am, I like your sweater. You hear me? That is the whitest sweater i've ever seen in my life. I love that ---- You you look at it. You see it That's a cozy white cookie making that is a good sweater, it's beautiful I bet it is She said it's older than you White people flex on you. You don't even know it and it's older than you What you think about that bucko? How you ******* feel about that bucko? I don't know if niggas will ever be able to get away with bucko Black people y'all want to take bucko? Let's take bucko. Let's just make that ---- hot We'll make it mean some other y'all you can't say nothing kendrick lamar you be flipping ---- all the time whatever Hey, man Tell me how to get my health together You healthy dr. Sebi son, you know I know, you know all the herbs and ---- nigga. Tell me about the ---- right now You look healthy as ----, sir Stop eating them doritos They look healthy as ---- man, where you from you better not say philadelphia either Huh? Oh ----, look at your accent He got the full y'all heard it. He tried to keep it low because he with his lady He know he get to talking like that too loud. All these women come rushing. You say you from where? Trinidad Stop screaming. He ain't even trying to **** with y'all You gotta go over to the islands and get fucked like you normally do on your little girl's trip All the men just got mad It was like wait when y'all be going to girl's trip y'all be getting fucked Hey when they be coming over there they be come no, no, I never tell brother Brother come on. I never tell I cool running through your beach I cool running through your beach I go cool running through your ice skis in your beach Take your bitch Your bitch gone two pina coladas ice skis in your bitch I shower in your beach Come on man, don't give up the team man. Are you from Trinidad too? You sir man I should have went first What I hear on your voice? Why you say brooklyn like that? How old are you? Ah, there it is 23 ashamed of you. He's like man. You're making us look bad I'll say either he young or bicurious It's the voice it's not his voice he 18 he ain't no ass yet As soon as you get asked it all of a sudden your voice go trinidad ice skis in your bitch 18 you ain't ass yet. Is this your mama with you? Oh perfect time to ask You ain't ass yet, bro Why don't you grow the **** up? I got some older women here from philadelphia. They trying to have a good trip You gotta get them cotton balls out of there, but then you get on in there