The Truth About Becoming A Stand Up Comedian

I went to the comedy store last night for the first time. You did? Yeah. I saw that. Patricia was like, Mike's at the comedy store. I'm like... How was that? It was amazing. I saw Bobby Lee, Jeff Ross, New Jersey guy, Bobby Lee, L.A. guy. I was with my friend, Matt Rosenberg. He was visiting from New Jersey, one of my youngest, oldest friends. Another Matt, huh? Okay, cool. There was actually one time I was talking about him, about like, he's the one who says the phrase, if you smile at the world, the world smiles back, because he always has a smile on his face. And I said that on some episode of some podcast somewhere, and they were like, oh, Matt King really is such a great guy. And I was like, Matt King didn't say that, but I'll give him credit anyway. So he was in town, and we went to Yamashiro, which, incredible place. Great spot. Great views. Because I asked him, what do you want to get for dinner? I think he's going to say, I don't know, Mexican, sushi, whatever, and he said, I want a place with a view. So I'm like, alright, let's go to Yamashiro. We go to Yamashiro. It's great. And then he says, I've never been to Chateau Marmont. I want to see that. I want to see what the hype is all about. I said, I've never been there either. So we go, we park the car, go to Chateau Marmont. No chance this guy's letting us in. I didn't realize it's like a club with a bouncer and a hole. It's pretty exclusive. Yeah, it seems like you've got to be somebody to get in there, and we were wearing baseball hats and hoodies, and there was all these hot people there. So we were like... It's the worst feeling when you can't get in. I usually don't ever care about that. I feel like I'm past that, but I didn't know Chateau Marmont was like that. I thought it was just a hotel. It's a bar. It's open to the public. It's gotten really exclusive over the years. You either have to have a reservation or you're staying there. Have you been there? Yeah, I have. Have you been there? I have. But every time I've been there, it's because I'm with somebody very, very cool who's made it happen. Is it worth trying to go and just see what the vibe is there? Definitely. At some point, living in LA, I feel like everyone should. The way that we felt was like, well, if they don't want us there the way that we're dressed, we probably wouldn't have a good time in there anyway. It's probably a bunch of snooty people who think they're too cool for school. Anyway, so we just start walking down Sunset. We take the walk. He says, let's go to the Comedy Store. I said, I've never been before. He's never been. We looked at the lineup. Jeff Ross, Bobby Lee, some other comedians bought the ticket, 25 bucks. Amazing. Great. Great time. Do you have to pay for two drinks? Yeah, but I just got a couple of seltzer waters for like seven bucks a piece. Yeah. Have you ever done stand-up there? In the big room or the little room or both? You've done stand-up in the big room? Yeah. I've bombed there many times. You bombed it a few times? I've had a good set there. I was kind of worried. It's got to be the worst feeling to bomb in a room that big, where you're just... It's inevitable. Yes, yes. I mean, thank God. That room is huge. The four or five comedians we saw, everyone was pretty ******* good. Jeff Ross was clearly trying some new stuff, but he's such a pro. I would hate, though, if I was on the lineup so excited, and then Dave Chappelle shows up, and then he has to go before me, and then you're like, golly, you have to go after somebody who's just a ******* legend. Yeah. And then you're like, oh. You get bombed. Then you top that. But the other thing is I do, and Matt and I have talked about this, when we go to see comedy shows, I feel like I'm funnier than these people. I feel like if I had some jokes, I can get up there. I could work a room. Remember when... There's nothing... When you do sometimes see stand-up, there is a moment you're like, I could do that. But it's harder than you think. It's harder than you think. The only thing that I will say, my little ego check, at your 50th birthday party, I gave that little speech. You did great. Slash roast, and the guy from Flight of the Conchords said to you, that guy's really funny. Yes, he did. He did. That guy's really funny. Re-stabby. That kind of really put a little ego in my head. I don't have the... Why don't you try it? I just need to sit down and write some jokes, which I've never done. I've helped with the roast. You have chat GPT. I just got... I don't know. Yeah, no, do it. Yeah, you helped with the roast. Go do it. Go do an open mic night. Don't invite any friends. No, no, no. I'll go with you. Yeah. I'll go with you to an open mic. I love open mics. They're so fun. I just had nothing to say. If you put me in front of a stage right now, I don't know what I would say, but if I need to... I don't know how to come up with ideas. How do you start writing a bit? One thing you can do is you can just go up at an open mic and just say, throw out a subject. Someone will go like, tennis. Oh, okay. What's up with tennis these days? And then you develop... That's a great way to develop your point of view. Interesting. I could just do that at home. You have something to say. Yeah. You think you could do it? I've done it. Stand up? Mm-hmm. I did stand up in college at the Coltown comedy. Do you remember any of your jokes? Oh, gosh. What were my jokes? I don't even want to say them. No, no. Come on. This is big. This is new stuff. I don't even want to say them. Oh, isn't it weird how we go to weddings, we're celebrating the bride and the groom, but really at the end of the night, they're just going to go like... So we're just like, we're partying with these people knowing they are going to have sex tonight. It is happening. You're with your grandma. You're with your aunt. Everybody knows they're going to have sex tonight. It was something like that. That's a good bit. There's some more you could pluck out of that. Yeah, a little bit. That's really good. But it was like, I can't remember if it was like 10 minutes or like seven minutes, but I remember I was trying to put five or six different jokes in all of those when I should have just maybe focused on three and let them breathe a little bit. I was covering too much. I liked it. I did it twice. We should go to Kill Tony in Austin and sign up. Hell no. I would never do that in my life. Oh God. They're so mean. Why? I would never want to get picked for Kill Tony because yeah, they're ruthless. Mike would do Kill Tony and would never want to do stand-up ever again. No, I wouldn't give a **** about that. What a great place to start though. You have to be really honed in. You can't do your first show at Kill Tony. You have to really be honed in. You can do a couple of them. You only need a minute. Have you seen Casey Rocket? That guy? Yeah, he's great. That's the kind of guy that... Really? Yeah, my show in Cap Cities, he opened with me. I love... He's one of the... I think one of the funniest people working right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bin Laden trying to calculate. He's so good. Whatever. Yeah.