She Turned Trauma Into Children’s Books… But It Started With Pain, Loss, and Toxic Love

Some people write stories for entertainment and some people write because it's the only way they survived what they've been through. What if your pain didn't just shape you but became the very thing that helped someone else heal? I'm your host Edna White and this is Keeping It Real On Purpose. Today I'm sitting down with an author who turned some of her life's hardest moments into purpose driven storytelling. After surviving a near fatal car accident, navigating life itself, she went to write. She survived a toxic relationship that led to divorce and experienced heartbreaking loss of her twins. She found herself searching for a meaning in it all. Motherhood became that turning point. In her 30s after the birth of her daughter, everything shifted. What once felt like pain and confusion became creativity and connection. Today she co-creates children's books like Pirate Chickens and Under Attack and Adventures of Snug using storytelling as a way to heal, reflect, and build something meaningful with her daughter. Her journey is a reminder that even in the hardest experiences it can be transformed. If you allow them to shape you in a different way. Welcome to the show, Ms. Ashley Donegan. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Oh, you're welcome. So I want to thank you for being here today. And like I said before, I didn't realize these were yours. My grandkids saw them and they just started reading to me. So these are the two books. Thank you so much. They were very enjoyable. My granddaughter, both granddaughters, one's nine and a half and the other's 10. So they got a chance to see it. Yes, yes. And they always like to have one up on grandma. So, you know, they were ahead of the game and I was a little bit late, but thank you. I hear I heard all about snugs and you kind of giving them a inspiration to kind of create. So my granddaughters, my granddaughter, one of my granddaughters, she always, everything I do, she does. So we just did our first art exhibit together at one of the museums, the art museums down here. So we just did our first art exhibit together. We're planning on another submitting artwork to another one. So you've inspired her even more because now she saw that your daughter did something and she figures, oh, we could do pictures together like this. That's awesome. What type of art is in your exhibit? So it's, I, mine is more of, I use parts of my body to draw. So when I get inclination, maybe it's my elbow and I'll use my elbow to kind of create oil paints, oil paint. Yeah. It's just, I guess it's just whatever comes out of my mind. I don't know what that is, but I just, I just started doing that. So, and she actually takes items from, you know, that she finds and she creates something out of it. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So if you go on a beach, she'll find something and she'll create artwork out of it. Yeah. So she does that. Oh, I love that. Yeah. So we got two different things going on, but the, I think the last, the one that we did down here was motion. So I did my hands motion in air and she did a soda can that she found on the beach, cut it up in pieces and made it small, like fragments to pour in and the sand was the soda. So she did that. Oh, that's awesome. I love how creative that is. Yeah. Thank you. And so you inspired her even more to give her more incentives. So thank you for that. You and your daughter, your daughter. Thank you. Well, I'm glad, I'm glad to hear that. Thank you for that feedback. I love it. Yeah, you're welcome. So let's get into the questions because I want to get into the authorship angle that you are in. After surviving the accident, did you feel like you were given a second chance or did you, did it take time before you saw it that way? Oh, that took a long time. That took a lot of healing. I went through a pretty bad depression and a lot of physical healing as well as like mental and emotional. Cause I was hit by a drunk driver head on and I had to go to court and like, you know all a whole long process. And it took a while, it took a very long while. And then as well as my, as you mentioned, my relationship was a bit tumultuous that I was in and divorce all that, you know, compounded everything. And it's just a long journey. And I wasn't in a place at the time to even start healing or even be aware of how to do that at that point in my life. So it took a long time. Wow. That's just so good that you, you brought that out that you didn't even really, you weren't even able to even talk about that part of the healing you were trying to heal. And then you still weren't really healing because you had to go to court and you were like taking time out for that. So it was like, yeah, you didn't get much of anything. No. Yeah. It was a real, and I was so young, I was a lot younger, you know, and more naive. And so, yeah, it was a very long process for me anyway. But I mean, I'm at a place now where I can look back and say how grateful I am, because things could have been a lot worse. Things could have been a lot, lot worse. I mean, you hear people get in car accidents all the time and they can't walk afterwards or they, you know, they just are in a wheelchair the rest of their life or whatever. So, I mean, I'm, I wasn't back then right away. I wasn't in that place. I was like, why did this happen to me? Why me? I'm a good person, you know, I don't understand. And it took a lot of soul searching and kind of digging to get to the place where I'm at now, where I'm, I'm grateful that it wasn't worse and how much I've learned from the experience. Right. So, were you able, like, when you was able to look back or were you even more, like, you could see a lot more lessons learned than you would have, like, right at, you know, right during that time? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Because right away when it happened, like I said, I was like, why me? Why did I have to be in that exact spot at that moment? Like, why did God put me there? I'm a good person. I don't deserve this, you know, and I couldn't get out of that. I mean, it wasn't really, I don't know if you want to call it a victim mentality, but I don't, I think it's kind of normal for anybody trying to survive because you didn't know what was going on. Of course. Yeah. So, but it took, but now I, yes, there's definitely been a lot of lessons I've learned along the way. I had to grow up pretty, pretty quick because I was 21 at the time and, you know, had the, I was working and I had just bought my first house at 21 years old, which is kind of, I look back and think that's crazy. But so I had to like go to work and pay for my house and I couldn't lay around and just feel sorry for myself. So I definitely became a stronger person afterwards. Absolutely. Yeah. You have gone through so much like most of us. And as I, you know, read about your, your, what you've been through, it read to me like chapters in a book. And I thought that was amazing. Like, you know, the way you, you wrote it out, it was like, Oh, I see that chapter. I see that chapter, see that chapter. I want to go back to your experience in that toxic relationship because so many of my audience, listeners and watchers, they want to know about, or learn from that, those experiences and what you got out of that. And let's be real. When you're in love, it's, you probably don't see that stuff. I know I didn't, you know, until it was probably compounded, you know, when it's something like that, is it, does it slowly break you? And can you just share your story, that chapter of your life with the audience? Sure. About my toxic relationship. Yes. Yes. So it was, um, a high school kind of, um, we started in high school and there were some issues kind of right off the bat where he had a lot of trauma and I don't want to speak too much like of his story. Um, cause it's not mine to tell, but, um, he had a pretty horrific thing happen where he was in a car accident and, um, that affected him quite a bit. And then we stayed together through that. And then I got in my car accident and then we got married about a year later. So basically two traumatized people together, which is a recipe for disaster. Um, but we loved each other a lot. You know, it was like a lot of young high school love, but it turned bad pretty, pretty quick. Um, because the trauma reared its ugly head and we both hadn't really healed fully from that. And this is just my viewpoint from it, but, um, so he, in my opinion, wouldn't do any healing. And I wanted very much to have a family and have kids. And so things got really bad, um, as far as that. And it was, it was very toxic, very dysfunctional, but like I said, we love each other a lot. Um, but it just wasn't working for me. And I like, I wanted a family and it wasn't a safe, healthy environment for kids. And so I had to make the difficult choice. Then we, we got divorced. What was, um, one of the lessons that you really got out of, you know, you know, um, something about seeing a healthy relationship. What was one of the lessons that you got out of that relationship? Yeah. Um, if you, if one person isn't willing to do the, do the work, I mean, one person can be willing and the other person isn't willing, that's not gonna work and you're gonna outgrow each other. And so that's kind of how I felt like it, it was for us. And, um, I, I wanted, we wanted different things and, um, it was hard to get out of for sure because it was so dysfunctional and toxic, but I just, I couldn't, I felt trapped and I couldn't stay in that anymore. So, um, I guess I just had to, you just have to make a difficult choice and stick with it and hope, you know, know that you're worth more than that. And that's beautiful. Thank you for that. Thank you for sharing that. We really appreciate that. Now let's go to the next chapter of your life, losing your twins. How did that shape your identity? Especially when it was, you always saw yourself as a mother. Yeah, that was probably the lowest point of my life because I'd already been through those very difficult things, um, gotten divorced. Like I said, I always wanted to be a mom and it didn't work out in my first marriage. And, um, then I unexpectedly got pregnant and, um, I was very happy, but also it wasn't how I wanted it to look because I wasn't married and I wasn't with the person, you know, to start a life with. And so that was devastating. And then when I found out that I had a miscarriage, I mean, it just totally destroyed me. And it was one, it was the hardest, one of the hardest things I've ever been through. And so after, and everything had compounded to that point. And it just, I went probably to rock bottom after that, I would say. Wow. So how did it shift your identity? You know, once you, you kind of went through that, the loss and the period of depression, you kind of started climbing out of that. How did it shift your identity then? How did it shift my identity? Um, I had to, I had to once again, find out like how strong of a person I am. I couldn't just sit and like wallow in that and, um, know that miscarriages happen to people and it's devastating, but you have to move on with your life. And, you know, I knew I wanted a family and I know I wanted children and I, I just, you have to be strong and, and move on. I mean, or find a way to move on and find hope and everything like that. Awesome. Oh, that's great. That's great. Well, that's great. Okay. So your daughter became your turning, turning point. We're now at your new, your daughter, right? So one on the back of this book here, your daughter became your turning point. What did she awaken in you that you couldn't access before? Well, um, so between the miscarriage and my daughter, I did a lot of modalities and counseling and like anything you could think of to try to get myself out of these low points. And so through that, um, I did a lot of like inner child healing and things. And, um, one, one suggestion to me was to find what you were, what you loved doing as a child that brought you pure fun and joy just for doing it, not something that you have to do or work or anything, but just something for your pure enjoyment. And so for me, looking back, trying to heal those things was like writing, drawing art, storytelling, um, things like that. And so then when my daughter was born, that really was a very, it helped me heal my inner child through her and seeing her creativity. And, um, she is so creative. It just like baffles me, but also she, um, is a very good artist and, uh, way better than I, I am, but, um, so she awakened that in me. And then I just came together and thought we should write stories. We should, we should do this together as a fun mother daughter thing. So that's great. Well, um, I know this book here, um, are you living on a farm? I do. Okay. You know, too much stuff about this. It's gotta be a farm. It's gotta be a farm. Yes. Okay. All right. So, you know, um, I know that children do wake those things up in you. They keep you, they revive you and they kind of change and form, um, your parts of your identity as the role of, as being in a month, a mother. So that's, um, how does she like writing and, um, drawing most of all? Yeah. So, I mean, when she was little, we would just come up with all these, she's 11 now, but, um, so we started this process. Well, I actually wrote adventures of snugs when she was two years old. And then, um, I got inspired to write it based off of her and her love of her security blanket. And I just like put it in a drawer and kind of forgot about it. But then years later, I thought when I was, um, doing some more work on myself, I thought, oh, I already wrote a book. Like I should tweak that one and then do it together with her. And so then I added her in probably when she was seven or eight, I think when we started pirate chickens. And, um, she would just talk and talk and talk and just come up with all kinds of scenarios and stories. And I was like, we should really write, you know, write these down. These cute little ideas. And so, um, I did and I still have a list of like, I think 25 or 28 more that we want to do. Um, cause she's so creative, but she would just like talk and talk and talk. And, um, but now at 11, she's kind of like, okay, mom, you know, uh, she's getting a little like tween attitude. So she's kind of not wanting to do it as much. And she gets a little embarrassed. Like she's embarrassed at the age that she's at now. Um, uh, she doesn't want attention on her about it. And she doesn't, uh, even though I think she should be proud, but, um, yeah, like she doesn't like her classmates to really know about snugs that she, you know, had her security blanket and everything. So, but I think she's still out of that after, after a while I have, I used to, my kids used to be like that, but then when they get new, they're teenagers maybe 18 and 19. And then we're like with families all around. Did you tell them about that? This or that? I'm like, you know, but you don't want me to tell in the middle, but they, they love those stories. You know, storytelling, um, is, is, is incredible. And so, you know, this, this is a great time, you know, she'll remember this. That's really beautiful. And it lives on. So that's a writing, right? Is it lives on forever? Like forever. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I hope it does for her. It will, I will forget this pirate chickens under attack, you know? Yeah. So now we're going to, you're going to move over to, um, you know, all of this, how, how you kind of process all of this and creating these stories, you know, now that you create these children's books, how, how do you go from processing that pain to creating stories now? How do you process that? Well, like I'm trying to not, I mean, the stories and stuff are geared for children. So it's not like I'm writing a story about pain or trauma, but I try to take the feelings that I've had and process the creativity into a different form, I guess. And so, and that is to turn it into something positive, um, because I have a lot of creativity and my daughter does too. And so the love that we have together, I, I, I want to put that, I want to put that out instead of the pain and the negativity. I want to put out, you know, the love we have for each other and our animals and nature and hopefully inspire other people, or, you know, just even if one kid reads the book and they like it, like, I'm happy about that. That makes me feel good. Um, so I guess, does that, does that make sense? Yes. Yes. Perfect. Yeah. And audience, that's where a lot of people are still stuck is what, you know, we're not processing it, but, um, Ashley has processed all the joy in here, processing that pain into the joy of helping a child have that adventure, you know, and I know as a child, who's lost because of my childhood trauma, I lost my imagination and getting one of these books. I now could feel like, Hey, I know a pirate, a chicken pirate now, and spark my interest, you know, spark my, my imagination again. And for everyone listening, this is a moment where I don't want you just to hear the story, but really just sit in it and hear what Ashley has said. Um, so that you can really feel that processing that pain into the joy of writing. So, um, sit with that for, you know, reflect on it and just shift into what happens, you know, with that. Thank you, Ashley. I really appreciate that. Now, um, this is, this is the moment where I talk about breaking the pattern and we bring that in with your book. And so we bring three points in meaning, um, we bring pattern and then we bring direction. So you're going to help us with that, Ashley. All right. So here we go. Your pain, this just didn't happen to you. It's shaped how you see love loss and your own worth, but it also holds the blueprint. How did, what was your blueprint when you look back on everything? What was my blueprint for, for, for your chapters in your life as, as it went through it, what was your blueprint? Like one word that you would pull out for, you know, maybe three or four words that you could pull out that kind of, kind of mapped you and to your point now. Oh, like what brought me Oh, definitely pain, um, love and support, um, from my family. Um, luckily I have a great, a great family and, uh, people around me. Um, so I would say, um, pain, love and support. I would say seeking out, um, healing and knowledge and learning ways to heal, to heal myself or to you know, self reflect and do better. Okay. Oh, awesome. So that's that meaning now pattern. How did it help you, um, to grow? How did it help you grow? Oh gosh. Well, pain and discomfort pushes you towards growth. And I think, like you said, some people don't, don't seek that out or, you know, they're uncomfortable. So they just kind of stay where they're at or they're more comfortable where they're at. And so for me, I luckily rose to some challenges, I guess. And I had to overcome and, um, with the love and support and the guidance and everything, I'm fortunate enough to be able to do that. Okay. Awesome. So you said earlier, why did this happen to me? You asked this when you were younger, what could you tell the audience, how to change that narrative or change that question to get more meaning out of life? Now, as I look back, it didn't, it happened to me as a, I mean, we all have challenges and things we have to overcome in life. So this just happened to be, you know, a couple of mine and I'm no different than anybody. Some are just worse than others with their challenges, but you have to take that and say, okay, now what am I going to do? And, um, great question. Yeah. So, um, it didn't happen to me. I would say it happened. I mean, it's kind of strong to say it happened for me to have the chance to learn and grow and do better. Right. That's awesome. Well, that's so good. So where can they find this book and what are you up to this coming next month so that we can look out for you? Yeah. So they are on Amazon or, um, the paperback versions are on Amazon. The ones you have, or I have the hardcover that's available through my, my website, um, one mama's heart.com. Um, and coming up next, we're actually working on our third book. It's almost done. Um, I'm waiting to hear back from the editor, but so that's, that's coming up as our third book. Awesome. This is great. Did you share also it's on Amazon so we can look up adventures of snug and pirate chickens under attack. We can look that up. We can look them. I want to tell you, this would be a such a library's lookout. This would be such a great book for libraries to read. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Wink, wink libraries. Thank you so much. It was so great to talk with you and share the chickens and the beautiful work your daughter is, is, um, um, embarking with you and make sure you tell her that I said, keep going. Don't lose momentum. Don't care what the kids are doing. Cause I did a book with my grandkids and they were taking it to school and showing everybody and they still do. So really that's awesome. Oh my gosh. Yes. I mean, and it was real pictures of them, you know, like we have pictures of them and in different situations. And it was like, um, yeah, I wrote, I was in that book. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So don't give up. Don't it's I'm telling you, you're going to be doing some amazing things. Um, and I met a lot of young people who are authors really, I mean, they go full force. Really? Well, I hope it does well for her in the future and she recognizes how special it is for us. So just give her my best. Thank you so much. You're welcome. So if this conversation resonated with you guys, don't keep it to yourself. Share this episode with someone who needs to tell their story and hear this story. Cause it isn't over. And if you're ready to stop sitting in your pain and building from it, considering being part of this month's you project because your experience didn't break you. It made you a better person. This is Edna White and my esteemed guest saying goodbye for now. Bye. Thank you.