Stop Managing Trauma: Breaking the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

You said you healed So why are you still reacting like you are in survival mode? Why do you still overthink? decision Shut down in conversations or tolerate things you said you'd never accept again That's not healing. That's a pattern I'm your host edna white and this is keeping it real where we stop performing Healing and we start interrupting with actually running your life Today's conversation Is going to challenge you because we normalize Saying i'm healed While still producing the same behavior the same results in the same cycles And in my world we break it down differently Today's guest is none other and I I can say her name a little right. It's so easy brook being dm Okay No, I always do that say see I thought I had a handle and I didn't ask you Today is going to break it all down for she works with women who survive narcissistic abuse High controlled environments and complex trauma But let me be clear. This is not about staying in that soft comfortable place because she's going to tell us all about it I am really excited to have her on because she is our first Narcissistic Is that am I saying? Right? You are and i'm so excited for you to be here. Welcome to the show Thank you so much edna for having me here. I'm excited to have this conversation. Um, and really just help people to see Um, you know there is I will tell you this. I feel like everybody has somebody in their life That has toxic patterns, you know kind of you know, we kind of just kind of put up with Yeah Yeah, we do. Yeah, and i'm saying i'm thinking about your name now. Deanne Well, that's a nice name though I know a friend that had her first name was deanna Yeah So let's get right to it, you know people say they've done the work they've gotten the therapy they read the books Their behaviors are not saying that Let's talk about that What's the real what are the people confusing or understanding about this type of trauma that they actually are not healing? um you know, I think that for a lot of people and this is also this part of my story is like thinking that like I could find some quick fix And that I could do all of the things and then all of a sudden I would just be done. I'd be healed I'd be like there would be no more pain. There'd be no more discomfort. Like I was just i've got it done, right? Yeah, and of course We're humans, right? We're like how can we get? Comfortable real fast, right? Right. We want we want to get comfortable It's why we fall into the traps that we do our coping mechanisms, right? Whatever that looks like for you. Everybody has a coping mechanism. It could be a positive coping mechanism A lot of people choose negative ones, right? drugs the alcohol Uh, you know the shopaholics in the world like all of those things Um, don't forget food. Oh, yeah food food one, right food is a huge one Yeah, because what does food give us instant comfort? It's the cheapest easiest way for us to get it Right, yeah, we can go and grab a candy bar and we can feel way better about our emotions real fast real fast Real fast, right? But what's happening is that we're not actually really dealing with what is going on inside of our bodies Okay and so I think that's the biggest piece and this is what I tell this is how I work with women now particularly because This was part of my challenge. I was doing all of the uh, I'll call traditional talk therapy the traditional like way of like working with the mind And that's where I started, you know, I went uh, I became a clinical hypnotherapist I started just thinking that you know what I can get out of my pains through my mind No, no, no There's another big component here and that's through your body the mind and the body are connected and recognizing we often avoid um and disconnect from our bodies because We live mostly up here and for someone that survived trauma Has survived abuse which honestly the most of us have trauma. Okay. I don't think there's anybody on this planet that doesn't have some trauma um and Recognizing that like if you've survived abuse we live inside of our heads We're constantly thinking overthinking ruminating we live And we do not pay attention to the signals of our body Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes and and so the most important piece I tell people is that We have to deal with what's going on in the body because the body is a beautiful part of our human intelligence It's constantly cycling to us and sending us messages. We're just not paying attention We're just not taking the time to listen And that's when people get chronically ill when autoimmune disorders show up This is when we have back pain neck pain shoulder pain, right? Like this is the body is like, you know what? I was trying to tell you Listen so now you have cancer Right or you have or you have something else or you have a heart attack or you have this right because the body was Screaming at you for your attention, but you were not paying attention You didn't care you kept drinking the alcohol you kept doing the bad diet you kept The high stress job like whatever it is that you are continuing the pattern that you're in. Yeah Right, you kept the abusive relationship whatever it is, right you kept doing it and thinking you had to hold on and The body is the the only way and the best way To understand what do I need next when you start to listen to that and start to heal the body um, you just start to recognize oh My body is trying to tell me something here and I have to sit here and be present and it's a daily practice It's a consistent practice. I do it myself with even all the work i've done on myself Um, but I teach women how to somatically express emotion Through their body and start to actually get really in tune with the body because that's when we get in tune with our intuition Yeah, and we can really start to pay attention Who's good for me who's not good for me you start to learn discernment and that is key in women that have been abused I think that piece that you just said is we avoid sometimes because Well, we had this friend for a long time Or we you know, we know his the mother and the father and or we're in these groups Like it's sororities fraternities all the and we stay in these groups and you feel Like you're weird because i've been in a group like I feel the weirdest one. I'm the weirdest one what's going on? But because i'm so used to it. I stayed in it, right? Yes Yeah, because you just don't know anything different Um, you just don't really pay attention. You know, I had a recently, you know I always like to talk about because it's not just romantic relationships, right? um We can be in toxic cycles, you know and family can use us right and it doesn't always look like physical abuse verbal abuse this is when someone creates a cycle of one-sided relationship Right and then they're like they want you to show up for them, but then they can't show up for you, right? Yeah, that's that toxic pattern of like, you know staying in whatever relationship that looks like And they're draining their energy vampires and they're going to just take all they can get and they're not going to give back to you and so it's like But we hold on to people because we're afraid of loss Right, right exactly. We don't want to deal with that part of it and um And when you're in these groups you your body I mean i'm telling you my body was telling me I don't belong here Like I it was speaking to me like I would go in like One of the groups I was in was it was a church group and I would literally my I would start twitching It's like it's serious. It was like why is this just happening here because it was so toxic, but I was so used to it and your body Operates sometimes in auto autopilot. It just goes it just okay get in the car go to church get in the car go to church and you don't think about it and then you look up and like I used to look up and I said, how did I get here? I don't remember how I was like What I was doing it was so methodical. It was crazy Right. Yeah, it had become Your habit it was your habit Right, it became my habit and I couldn't even tell you What I saw on the way going to church. I just know I got there And I was like interesting Yeah, you know you being in a hypnotic, you know brain wave And the conscious just takes over and gets you to your destination because you don't have enough time Right, you don't have to pay attention and that's really just Right there to show you how we get stuck in our patterns. Absolutely. We have a habit Right and that habit says go and do this at this time And so you go and do it unconsciously because it's just become your habit You know so we can have like I said negative or positive habits, but it's also being you know, what what's serving you? What's what's wrong with you? And what's yeah, you know when you said the group in particular like you could feel that you know I was I was raised in a cult. I was in that cult for 36 years of my life You know broke out of that cult and recognized it was a cult right and You don't realize the toxicity that was really happening. So the um All the love bombing that was going on within that community And it feels like Whoa, you get outside of it and you start to see things more clearly Right, you start to see what was actually really going on and then now, you know how it affected you It's the same thing in any toxic or abusive environment. You cannot see clearly while you are in it right It is it is, you know, the gaslighting manipulation It's over and over it's over and over yeah Over and over the toxic the high and the low the high That it creates in your body, you know all of these things it is impossible for you to see clearly And it's why you need someone to help guide you out of it You I always tell women I pop the bubble for you. I pop the thing. That's good. I like that. Yeah Right, you're in a bubble right now. I pop that fantasy. I show you Actually what is happening? in real time So that now your brain can learn to identify it when it does happen, yeah, that's good I I want to thank you for have it putting a definition in habit because Definition of a habit is is a repeated action done automatically Automatically you have no Thing in it like you really don't because I I'm me telling you this and we're talking about this. I didn't realize At into that moment that that was what a habit was Now so I I literally was I look up and i'm like, oh i'm here. Yeah, like I was a genie like Thank you so much for bringing that to light for me and for the audience That this it's a habit when you're on automatic pilot, even if you hate your job No, we were talking about the cult, but if you hate your job, I had clients that hate their job But they get up every morning and they go And they're like they don't even realize what they did for the day. I said i'll ask them. What did you have for breakfast? they wouldn't even know like I don't even know. What did you wear? They don't even know like they It's like oh, I wore a red dress. I went they don't even know And it's like because you're on autopilot, you know, you're missing pieces of your life Because you're on autopilot You made me realize that. Yes. Yeah. Oh, well, i'm glad that you have that epiphany awesome. I love that That's really great info Audience, did you get it in it? Got it. I got it Yeah, now you gotta just identify. What are your habits, right? Exactly Which ones are serving you and which ones are not? um Yes, you know and it's it's weird, you know when you're in personal development and you've been doing it for a while You start to get so aware of your own Your own bullshit. I hope I can pass on here. Okay Okay, good i'm like you get so aware of your own Doing it in my real time and i'll be like, oh I know better But then you don't it's like a therapist too, you know better but you just Bad behavior, you know, and then now would you say a pattern because I always talk about patterns too And I I know I talk about it's it's unconscious, but it's also a sequence of thought like emotions and behaviors at the same time you know They're all at the same time But this you what because my one of one of my friends last night we did a live on She Was talking about habits and I kept saying him but I said they're different They're different and you just oh my goodness. I am so excited about this. I am so excited. So habit It's repeated. I'm gonna keep saying this the whole time And it's done automatically. I love it Yes Great. I love that. Okay, so I gotta get past that now, right? That so our audience what i'm hearing from my esteemed guest here is that This is all about process mentally, but your body is still reacting the same And that's a disconnection Because you know better But you still don't do better. Okay, that's what i'm hearing. I hope you're hearing the same thing Okay, so So now we're going to get to the survival patterns because you talk about them too, right I want to talk about those um Can you give me like three? ways survival The survival mode still shows up in your clients even when someone says they've healed Yeah so Um, I will say even for me Survival mode will still show up It's inevitable It is literally your default like your brain is one main job is to keep you safe and alive So if you're not paying attention, you're gonna go back into survival mode um, and I want to speak to also the fact that when you're in survival mode, we're often just We put our head down and we do the thing So, you know, we could be struggling in life We could be really highly stressed but we're when you said you didn't even know what they don't even know what they wore that day It's that survival mode. You're not even able to recall like events like you often like don't have like, uh, You know a very good memory Most of your life is being lived through survival survival mode. You're going just from one Um thing that you do to the next that you always have done and it's just you're basically re-firing that neural pathway And so you're not present in your daily life And I know just people are like, what does that even mean? Well, you're not really here You're not there You and that's where you often find the people that say, you know, I'm here but i'm like just going through the motions I'm just going to you know what I know I need to do and get done Like I recently had a client say to me she goes well I know i'm supposed to be social. So I just I do the social thing because I know that I need to do it because it's healthy But she goes i'm not really there. I'm I don't feel connected. She goes right She literally says I feel empty. I'm just going through the motions That is somewhat it's a key person that you can tell I am in survival Right, so you're either going to feel empty um Kind of like a void nothingness kind of just like kind of like an ultimate like hopelessness depression kind of like that's your lowest This is a nervous by the way. This is called dorsal vagal shutdown or collapse Or you're going to feel like you are um, you know the opposite where it's like you're kind of just like Okay, i'm doing this thing, but you're also maybe you're high energy and you've got to be busy busy busy busy busy busy busy You're like you fill in your calendar you're going, you know, and you think like you're just And you got like all your life together But no, you're just burning all the energy that you have until you finally at one point you collapse Your nervous system. I says I cannot hold down anymore And then you go back down into dorsal vagal you go into the the shutdown the collapse of your nervous system Because your nervous system can't run on that energy forever. No You can't And I think that's the faking it till you make it thing that we've all learned Fake it till you make it and then you you know I I I have done that when I was younger because you know when you survive and i'm you know, I suffered Thousands of people so my place to go was in my head right overthinking or just living there, you know You could you do that throughout your life and i'm telling you i'm gonna go back to this You just opened up an aha moment for me Because I was just saying this the other day. Why am I missing pieces of my life? and you just Opened that up for me. It's the you know, constantly being ahead. It's it's Dissociating disconnecting and you're going through the motions because you have to survive and that's so important that I mean audience that is like Super Super important. So thank you for that. Uh-huh. I mean Yeah Uh, you know, I think that there's something to be said too is like when you're in survival mode You also live in a like what I call a fear consciousness Yeah, where everything is urgent? Everything is an emergency Everything is like oh my gosh, like what's gonna happen next and everything Wrong and like you're constantly in this just like hyper vigilant state. Yeah, absolutely Because you're nervous. You're nervous just never has enough time to go back to baseline, right? So you're always here and so one thing can happen You're all of a sudden you're just like you're irritable. You're angry You can't handle even the smallest inconvenience, but the dishwasher is not working and you're like flipping out Like that's just showing you how Dysregulated your body has become And that's a signal to say. Hey, I need some support here like Like I need some some. Um rest I need Like can you come back to this present moment? Can you take a freaking breath? Right like Um, and that's just the body kind of speaking to you and we just don't realize it because one we're not taught these things in schools We're not taught these things by the generations before us. They didn't even have a clue that even existed, right? So we are evolving as human beings and we're starting to see what no longer works We're actually starting to break old patterns old generational patterns Trauma and we're starting to crack it from that, you know what used to be Is no longer because we can't sustain ourselves Forward we cannot sustain the generations that are going to you know, go forward with this because we can't live like this So we're all we're all learning in real time For sure we're all learning right and we are wow boy, are we learning, you know, like we're seeing all the the political scenes And you know the social scenes about you know Being able to see all of these things like kind of being exposed but also seeing okay, where is harm? Where is abuse? Where is like, you know religious systems harmed people? Um people kind of waking up to this reality People waking up to the fact that they've even been in abuse because we're starting to see and expose What is actual harm? What is actual? Now we have the language to articulate it before it was just kind of normal. Oh women are going to get depressed Women are going to get abused like oh you can forgive you can forgive them, you know a million times because the bible says Right, exactly And then they put their lunk together forgive and forget that's highly impossible Highly impossible and it's not supposed to be because you you have to learn the lesson from it you forget you're gonna Experience that same thing over and over and over again, but it's highly it's highly improbable that you're gonna forget and and that would always confuse me one of those things it's like Like, you know, why would I give this guy or this woman or anybody Some a perpetrator that did something to me. Why give him a break? Why would I give him a break? Yeah, they don't care, you know, they don't care That has been like infiltrated to us right like that messaging was a big in religion and it was like give and forget Give and forget. Yeah 7970 like what? I'm all like how they were talking about people that like beat people up and like Right It's just again something that was taken way too far to an extreme. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, and you know, you know was all Connected to control us because for sure All of us are controlled by that, you know, it's it was Right if we're abusing each other and we're in survival mode we are easier to control Exactly. Exactly. You can't see clearly. We're just surviving. We just got our head down All of us are gonna just follow suit gonna follow soon We became zombies we become robots And I know you heard this in this um We're led as sheep To the slaughter you ever heard that? Yeah And I heard that i'm telling you when I heard that Immediately, I saw all of us just going up to like the altar and it freaked me out And I remember when I was getting ready to leave that was one of my visions and I was like, oh That scared me like I just came out of nowhere This is and I I saw the line of us just walking up letting somebody touch us on the head Do anything talk to us any kind of way tell us things about ourselves and I was like wow and You know my intuition I I would say to you I I always had intuition. I think we all have what we call or some call clairs, you know We all have that and we and it's both to us with intuition. Let's make it plain with intuition, you know, and so We never we used it at one point when was young and then somebody told us you're not supposed to do that Yep, you know even just thinking for yourself. You're not supposed to do that. Yes. We have a leader for it They would tell you that they would honestly tell you you're not supposed to do that The leader tells you what to do. The leader tells you who to marry the leader tip It doesn't even matter whatever it is. The lady even tells you you can't wear certain things you're going to a public school You can't even wear Gym shorts You know, but you look really crazy Someone you know and and it creates that separatism, you know, it just created that for us and I know for you you probably the same thing you had to Unlearn, right? You had to unlearn some things, right? You had to yeah, I had to basically unlearn my whole life From 19 From 19 all the way ahead in my 40s. I was like I had to sit down and learn everything, you know You don't know how to be an adult you don't have no idea and that's narcissistic, you know to me, you know for to have to be a leader of someone, you know, you have to have a certain brand of I want to say hatred for people because You see their pain But yet you're still cutting them. You're still cutting them. So it that's almost to me I think I would say that would be narcissistic behavior. Maybe you're the specialist but it's just don't care like everything's about me Everything always revolved about how they looked, you know that if you do this, this is gonna make me look bad So you gotta look you gotta be like this, you know, everything revolved around them. So to me that was very narcissistic, but You know, you're spot on no and then you're spot on The you know high control religion is based off of a narcissistic model Right. There's hierarchy. There's superiority Um, there is the leaders and then you especially for in my religion. It was women had to look up to the man Right. Absolutely She didn't get a voice She didn't have any, you know value other than the fact that she was meant to be a wife take care of the children Preach the word That's it Yeah, and walk five steps behind the husband come to church when you don't feel well, you know all this Nonsense utter nonsense. It was really nonsense I remember when I because I I modeled when I was younger and I loved it. Of course you see I love Every you see my door. I got different earrings everywhere. I loved earrings So I was like, I don't understand why I can't wear earrings. So I put one one back It was this big Deal what is this? I'm like Going on about my business, you know And the next thing I know we we had to have emergency meeting and I was the emergency Yeah That's them controlling how you look because They want that control they desire that and they will get it. However, they want Um, and it's you know It's it's sad, you know that a lot of people still exist in those systems. Yeah the same time. I always tell you know I used to be angry about it, you know, because I lost family to it. I got shunned leaving but it was like Okay, I see the harm that's going on, but I also see the spell they're under because I was once under that spell too Absolutely They're casting spells every day every day over those people over over yeah Yeah, I mean like i'm like you want to call talk about witchcraft a lot Talk about what what did they call witchcraft was oh astrology Yeah, I would say to them well didn't the three wise men find jesus by a star exactly Right, so how does how does astrology not work, you know, how did you didn't happen you didn't come in this world with a clock You know You know they had no time by the stars and then the beautiful thing about it is Astrology is in us. Our nervous system is nothing but the stars All through our body not our nervous system. So I just love how This world shows us what's going on with us we got all the way off girl, we I know we got to talk about We did we did I mean because I mean it's it's important to talk about like we were talking about that narcissistic dynamic Right and just seeing how it shows up in all kinds of systems Right. It's showing up in all kinds of systems. It's like, um, you know Even when I left that cult I also saw how they conditioned us To really have a like to think that we were superior to other people. Yeah, right, right Because we had the truth Yes, it's like it's kind of like wow But that's what makes people Want to be a part of the society, right? Oh, i'm special. Yeah So this is the beautiful thing. I don't know if you've ever studied tony robbins like, uh work before but I mean He talks about the seven human needs And yeah, the seven human needs. Well, one of them is significance. So are We are wired to get significance. However, we can find it Yeah, so we will do this not even knowing that we are doing this And so sometimes we can find like we can do it in our every day, right? Like maybe we're gossiping about betty joe. Yeah, joe did x y and z and we feel better than her By judging her, right? We're getting our significance that way And then if we like so we're just seeing how it can play out with just small little things, but we will do that Unconsciously Yeah, so What better ploy? Then this is actually this all came full circle a narcissist whether that's in a relationship a family member a friend a boss Or a religious leader. What are they gonna do? They're gonna make you feel special. Yeah It worked What it was in 29 years it worked Oh my gosh, i'm special then I better obey and it was You know, it was amazing how that was because you were talking about you work with women Coming out of narcissistic abuse and high control environments I Work with the same type, but I religious I i'm going back to kind of get those people There and then feeling those those those pains, you know preacher's kid syndrome. Oh gosh, that's a whole nother another area, you know, but just being in that traumatized women were you know, I mean we were made to Dress less than them and in my religion where I was not my religion, but where I was in the cultish We would we were told to dress down we didn't dress everything was plain and chaste for us But then were glamorous and and you know glamorous and big, you know But we were supposed to be chaste Okay whatever that meant um, and we couldn't Look modest. They use the word modest. So ugly meant modest to them because everything they told you to wear was ugly. Um From your point of view, what does that? Actually do to women's identities because I mean we know what it did, but I want you to tell the audience You know tell the audience. Well, it's self-erasure. They lose their identity. They don't have an identity Right. They do not have they don't have an identity Um, and you know because what happens in those type of environments is one minute you're chosen and special But the next minute when you've you know Disobeyed or when you've pissed off that abuser or when you're in that moment Yeah, you're discarded. You're abandoned. You're yes. Yeah, or you could be destroyed by god, right? Like whatever that whatever God is going to hit you that is going to get you that is going to get You're so one minute you're chosen and special and then the next minute you were like completely discarded and you're like wait What the hell like your your whole identity is like you have that's that's what we call the trauma bond, right? This is the intermittent reinforcement one minute. I love bombs. You're treated like a freaking queen You're like giving all the guests. You're like, oh You are everything's gone, yeah They withdraw their love That's a trauma bond One minute you have a god that says I love you and the next minute. Oh you disobeyed and now god Exactly exactly exactly like it is, you know, that was the god that I grew up knowing That was the relationship that I was in that father that I had one minute. I had his love the next I didn't It's over You know, so it's like when you have those dynamics it's like Don't have an identity other than the fact, you know that you're like I have to be who I need to be in order to be loved and accepted and I have to suppress who I really am Yeah, because I can't be her. It's not safe Right, exactly That's good. So now we have left, you know, let's say we've left the situation but What happens with us is we're? Second guessing right? And I know somebody out in the audience was second guessing ourselves because when we're adulting like so when we were in that bubble We didn't experience relationships But those were controlled We didn't experience Socialization because that was controlled We didn't experience money jobs anything like that that because all those things were controlled So now we're really in the world now once we leave in this world We have no idea how to speak to anybody. We have no clue right? No clue so we're still asking questions like I know maybe it came maybe it came to you but I Am I really too much because that's what they oh, you're just too much You know, you're a black sheep by the family You're out in the left field somewhere They said that to me all the time when I would ask questions that they had no answers for You know spiritual questions that they had no answers for or you know, or I was wrong and then the biggest one was should I just shrink and be quiet and I Noticed when I was like got out of it. I would be around people I'm not worthy to be around them because I don't have a bachelor's degree I don't have this or not and I was making all these things so I'd shrink and i'd be just there and I can't even tell you again. You opened my eyes to this I was just going through the motions being with people because I needed to socialize Until I woke up and said hey, this is not socialization. I'm not getting no connection with these people You know, I want connections because we like you said earlier about tony robbins We all need that that that validation somewhere. We need it. We need that. We need connection Yeah, we need the connections we're here for we got two hands and two feet two ears, okay audience we connection that's connecting So here's here's a question. I need I want you to answer for me. How does Or how did we? outs outsource our identity and start owning our decisions I know we how did we stop? I'm, sorry. How did we stop outsourcing? How would you? Yeah, I think that's a beautiful question. Um because For me it was learning how to become a sovereign woman And when I say sovereign Not like, you know, don't think of it in a religious form Being being sovereign actually what that definition actually means when you look it up Is being a self-led individual That Makes her own decisions Yes Decides by her own emotion She outsources. No Nothing She doesn't need anybody. She doesn't need anybody's acceptance. Yeah, she just needs her own She makes moves she makes decisions and she decides things in her life Solely based on her own intuition her own sovereignty Knowing that she can trust herself because she knows how to lead herself That's great. That's really good. And that's you. I mean, that's really honestly learning how to one create boundaries people To stop listening to all the noise Um to know that no one gets to make any decisions about your life That's just you Look, that's a few that is so real. That is yeah, that's no fluff. No pretending that is No, no surplus Surface level answers. I love it Guys, if you're listening right now and recognizing yourself This is the moment to take charge Sovereign because awareness is not enough without the action, you know, I know I went through it. I know probably booked it too It's just another uh pattern because we see women that I got all the answers, but i'm not doing nothing with it You know You heard the story. Um, so audience just don't talk about it do it Look, how can we find you? You're gonna come back because this was not enough Oh, well, thank you. I appreciate that. You know, actually I what I want to just really quickly speak to is any woman that's on here um What i'm when we're talking about patterns, right? Um, I really have identified with all of the women i've ever worked with That when they get stuck in relationships that don't serve them The little girl the inner child in them is actually is actually leading their life Not the sovereign woman So it's pretty wild when we kind of look at that love pattern that love template Um, I actually created a quiz so for you to understand how you actually receive and earn love Or how you think you need to get love And when you identify that you start to see your pattern and how that shows up for you Um, so i'm going to give you that quiz so you can put it here in the show notes because it's pretty it's it's wild It's really interesting, but they can find me Um on that quiz and they can also find me at brookdn.com Um my website, um, and then i'm on all their socials so they can Dive in my world not not find somebody these days So if you're ready if you're ready to stop reacting and start making clear aligned powerful decisions Go down under this video ask you like and subscribe and share it and find brooks quiz and then Book them on your next moves our strategy. Let's do it Everything is under the video. We'll see you next time on keeping it real on purpose. Bye for now