Hai nguyên tắc căn bản để trở thành cha mẹ tốt – Tập 02 | Khóa học dành cho cha mẹ | ETV Life

How to become a good parent? In the previous episode, Mrs. Tran told us that the lack of understanding of parents will really cause great harm to their children. And in the second story, it's about a mother with a very high education, a very good family economy, a third-grade son. She knows her son has a problem, but she doesn't know what to do. That problem can no longer be hidden. Just looking for her help, she found out that first of all, the mother's point of view is wrong from the inside. No, it's not. She thinks this is the most basic problem because she can't keep up with the pace of the children. There's one thing she did wrong. Oh? It's hiding. So when I met this girl, her body language told me she was hiding a lot of things, including her fear. When a child hides his fear, does he bring back the things he saw at school and tell you? What do you do to help him? The parents are very smart, highly educated, have a very high social status, and all hope that their child will be successful. They hope that wherever their child goes, they will be praised and liked by everyone. Once there's a problem, the parents are very disappointed. If they can't deal with the problem in a proper way, the parents may act on their own, deceive themselves. Maybe your child is not capable enough. You just need to grow up. I've heard that a lot. I've even heard it for many years. But... You don't dare to face your child's problems directly. But we have to know that in the end, there will be a lot of situations that parents regret in a hurry. Actually, they know in their hearts, but they don't want to face the real problem. They don't want to face it. One thing is that they don't want to give up. They don't want to give up. Usually, parents used to have outstanding academic achievements in prestigious schools. Then they worked in very famous companies. They really don't want to give up. They put themselves in the shoes of the British family. So I often say that each field has its own expertise. Why do you have to struggle to solve something that is not your expertise? You just need to admit that problem, and let others take the responsibility. I understand because I am an expert in this field. So it's best if you don't hide anymore. Children with problems quickly go to see an expert. This is the first advice. Now, let's continue to look at this child. She discovers that the child has a problem and is hiding. Her eyes have a problem. Her legs are not balanced. That's right. After that, I saw the inside of this child as a crisis, as a fear. She saw it directly. Do you know that the child's face does not show emotion? What about the child's speech? For example, when I ask what the child's name is, for some very confident children, they will directly tell you what their name is. That's right. Because they have been in elementary school, they have also been in third grade. But when you ask that child this question, they avoid it. They avoid it. They don't answer. That's right. First of all, they avoid it. Why? Because they have been used to this situation for a long time. That is, when their name appears, it is partly not a good thing. So the child is not willing to tell you what their name is. They are not very happy when you call their name. Because in their memory, when the teacher calls their name, there is almost nothing good or beautiful. Parents may know that this child has had a problem for a long time. If it's a third person, suppose I'm her friend, and I ask her what her name is, but she doesn't answer. I'm afraid that I will also think that this child is not educated. What kind of education does an adult not answer? I'm afraid I will guess like that. At that time, when this reaction occurs, the parent will definitely be like what you just thought. Why can't I do that? Answer quickly. But she doesn't say it. Ah. That's right. She can't say it. The expert just saw that there was a reason behind it. The fact that there was a problem behind it is not that she was not educated. Ah, I'm sorry, Ms. Tran. I was wrong too. And one thing is that I just told you about parents, especially mothers, because mothers still spend more time for their children, especially when the child is still young. She thinks that a woman spends all her time for her family is the kind of person who has no education. I'm afraid she doesn't think so. In this society, just say a woman is a family member, these four words will feel low. So children often feel something in the language or in the behavior of a mother who thinks that she has sacrificed a lot for her child. Parents see children as a burden. That's right. You have sacrificed a lot for raising your child. Oh, this attitude. I told her, I have a lot of friends around me, especially a girl with a doctor's degree. Then she gave birth to three children. She said, three children in the U.S. can't be saved, so she can only take care of the children at home. So her mood was very uncomfortable, she couldn't blame her. So at that time I told this mother, Actually, I have a lot of opportunities to help companies interview some staff. I've observed a lot of people. Now I'm honest with you. If I want to hire someone today, I hope she used to be a mother all the time. Now she's grown up, and she's looking for a job. I'll prioritize people like that. Why? Difficult to handle. First, she must be very difficult to handle. She knows that a mother can't rest for 24 hours. Especially when the child is young. That's right. When it's in labor, when it needs milk, you can't just sit there and do nothing. No way. Mothers who used to have children can understand this. Having another child is like having an extra honor that you can't be proud of because you can't say that's what you don't know how to do. Especially when you know very clearly that breastfeeding is the best choice for a child. No one likes to run at midnight. A father can sleep until 1 a.m. So as a mother, in terms of psychological conditions, she has been trained to be patient and tolerant for a long time. Second, observe the small details. If you want to be a really good family woman, a mother all the time, you have to observe very carefully. Ms. Tran, even if she is a family woman, she still doesn't understand and doesn't know how to take care of her children. Luckily, she can spend a lot of time with her children. She won't have negative feelings. At least she can do this. That's why I told her I'm not worried at all. I think my job, my luxury, is temporarily in the closet. I'm not worried at all. Why? Because I've been in this job for 3 years. When I interview, I can honestly tell others that in these 3 years, I've learned things. I've learned about the law, about medicine. I've become a person who knows how to take good care of others. How to avoid dangers, avoid accidents, how to deal with troubles, how to adjust the relationship with others. These are the jobs that women have to do because they are a mother all the time. So many standards. Ms. Tran is the mother of 3 children. The eldest is about to graduate from university, right? The youngest is 12 years old, right? The eldest is 13 years old. 13 years old. She's still a mother, but she's not worried about her job. For so many years, more than 2,000 lectures, more than 10 years of experience, how many people have invited her to be an expert? Ms. Tran, everyone is very interested in the end of the story. What did this child do in the end? Has the situation of this child changed? Yes, because the mother later told me, thank you, I found my button. This mother is very smart. Yes, she's very smart. She told me that I know how to deal with children. Yes. What happened to the child later? Because she gave the child the rights in this society. That is, she started to invite special teachers. The child has a not-so-hasty learning process. When the child's mind is stable again, when this child finds out that in the heart of his mother, he is a treasure, not a burden. When this child becomes confident, his learning will gradually catch up and can really go beyond the board. Ah! Yes, I think this is a very good ending. Ms. Tran has seen a lot of stories like that. That's why we have to invite such an expert to open a school for parents. Where do we start to educate children too much? How do I find the fundamental path? It's not that one hand goes east, one hand goes west, there is no system. There are two principles, one big, one small. Enough and easy to remember. To be a good parent, you need two principles. What are the two principles? One big, one small. That's right, you need one big, one small. Big is? Big is the eyes have to open big. The eyes have to open big? That's right, we raise small children, we have to think, children will become a part of the society in the future. Not just a small child in your hand. That's right, this is called big, the heart has to be big, the eyes have to be far, the mouth has to be wide. The second thing is to be small, is to observe the small details. No matter how tall the building is, it has to start from the bottom. So we actually have a set of scientific standards. This set of standards can help parents observe children in a detailed way. Do you want to learn? Of course I want to learn. Science for parents. In this first lesson, we know big and small. Big starts with small. In the first lesson, we have to learn to observe some small details. But where does it start? Since you brought the children from the hospital home, in fact, if after giving birth, you are in the hospital for 4 days, there are often some nurses who will help you, teach you some little things. I found some parents who have been wasted for 4 days. Wasted? Yes, wasted for 4 days. They think some hospital work can help them. The hospital can take care of their children. They take advantage of that time to rest. That's not wrong. You can rest physically, but you have to take advantage of that opportunity. You can take advantage of that time to rest in bed, but you can ask them to guide us. There is a video you can watch. I want to say here is the basic attitude if you want to be a good parent. Take a little time to learn big things, one big, one small. Ms. Tran, after giving birth, the uterus may still be weak and tired. At that time, if you have the conditions, you can take the time to study. But when you go home, the days are still long. That's right. We can say it's after leaving the hospital. So what standards do we have to study? I think before studying, it's best to read this once and try it. What is it? This is what we say to parents from the moment the baby is born to the moment the baby is one month old. They should have these standards. Who came up with these standards? These standards came about because we in Europe and America have done a lot of research for a long time. It took us 10 years to come up with these standards. Child Development Expert Dr. Nhi Khoa discussed these standards together. Actually, these standards are very popular. They are also used in Taiwan. Okay, so let's take a look. You can search on the Internet whether the standards in Europe, America, or Taiwan are normal for children. First of all, we need to know an exact standard. We need to know the basic concepts, definitions, and what good students know. So let's take a look. In the first month, what weight does the boy need to reach? What weight does the girl need to reach? Then, when the baby is one month old, the baby should be lying on his head. The baby should be able to leave the bed for 3 seconds. Do you know why? Do you know why the baby should leave the bed for 3 seconds? The force is here. It's not just that. So what is it? Because now many parents believe that this face can be smaller. For a girl, it can be more beautiful. No, now it's all small faces. So how do they let the baby sleep? Let him lie on his head, then push a little here, push a little here. Americans are like that. We are not like that in Mainland China. I remember when we were in Mainland China, the adults in the house often tied the kids very tightly. When they sleep, they roll their heads around the kids. Don't let the head be twisted. But really, now it's all lying on the head. Which is right? Actually, lying on the head doesn't mean it's good or bad. The first thing to think about is whether it's safe or not. That is, when the neck is not enough, the head can't be pulled up. When lying on the head, if there is a bump on the head, he can't breathe. That's what happened to my friend. The child was suffocated. So that's the reason why in this standard, this is the first movement we have to check. OK. Hold it out of bed, you can hold it for three seconds. If you can't hold it for three seconds, you can't let the baby lie on the head. That's right. Basically, the neck is still not enough. Don't pull it up. Wait until the neck of the child is firmer. You can make his face wrinkled. The first thing is to keep the baby safe. With this standard, not all children can do that. You have to look at the baby's head and count in three seconds until it is very tired and falls down. If you can do that, your child can lie down like a baby but if you can't, your child can't lie down. That's the first standard. If you don't know this standard, I have some friends who really had a tragedy like that. She put the baby to lie down there. It's the same in the US. Then she went to cook. When she came back, she found out that the baby had a problem. She called 911, but it was too late. It was really a tragedy like that. Let's do it again. If the baby has to lie down in the morning, the baby has to lie close to the head and stay in bed for more than three seconds.