Thế nào là cha mẹ tốt – Tập 01 | Khóa học dành cho cha mẹ | ETV Life

Ladies and gentlemen, when you watch this program, I have to ask you one thing, whether you are a boy or a girl, in the current society, has anyone ever guided you how to become a wife, a husband? Has anyone ever guided you to be a father, a mother? I'm sure the answer is no. We dream of getting married and then becoming parents. Until then, do you realize that there are a lot of problems in society today? Do you feel that? If you feel that way, have you ever wondered if anyone can show me how a woman can understand her husband, or how a husband can understand his wife? Or who can come and tell me how to become a good father, a good mother? Today we bring you a variety of programs. Ms. Tran is a very well-known expert in North America and Taiwan. She has a master's degree and a master's degree. She has a lot of educational experience. Can you tell me how to become a good parent? Is this your long-term wish? That's right. I'm very happy today. Why? So how many years have you been doing work related to children's education and psychological work? If you count from the time I started, I was impressed when people came to ask me how to deal with children's problems. It's been about 50 years since I was 5 years old. 50 years of experience. And you always want to open an educational program for parents like that. Please tell us what happened that made you always want to open a scientific guide on how to become a good parent? She cried very loudly. I observed that the adults around her were beginning to lose patience. So I ran over and looked at the child. Suddenly, the child stopped crying. Oh, you haven't said anything yet. I haven't said anything yet. You just looked at the child crying like this, and suddenly it stopped crying. Why? At that time, I thought that there was some kind of energy in my body that I had accumulated since I was a child. I've been saying that for 50 years, since I was 5 years old. The taste of parents. When I was a kid, my classmates or neighbors, when there was a problem, they would come to me. In my impression, I think I played a big role. Because I have an advantage in my family. My status is very high. Oh, the head of the family. I am the head of the family. So everyone has to listen to you. That's right. There are often such opportunities. At that time, I thought that I would have more opportunities than others soon. My father added to make ginger tea for me. In the village, my father was like a teacher. That is, when people don't know how to write letters, don't know how to create a relationship with others, or are oppressed, what should they do? Such things, they often come to our house to teach my father. Such identities, in the past, were called old school. So my father also gave me a principle all my life. The principle of being human and dealing with work. That is, when you own something that others do not have, you have to think about how to help them. So with this child, after taking care of the child, what problems did you see with the child? Because at that time, I saw my mother. This mother just stood up, didn't show any emotion at all. You see, the child cried so much that the mother was just a little bit close to the child. She didn't care about the child a little bit. If it were me, I could hold the child up and pat him. She didn't do anything at all. This is in European American culture. When children cry, parents usually don't hold the child up like Chinese people usually do. I think this is a difference in culture. So from your expert point of view, you were still young at that time. Now looking back, where do you see the problem coming from? Don't say I'm looking at that problem now. At that time, I started researching on this issue. I read a lot of research from experts on different fields. In fact, although parents in Europe and America do not immediately hold their children up, they will have a response to it. For example, a response by voice. Maybe they won't raise their hands to hold the child up, but they will use voice to communicate. But this mother didn't have any response. She just looked at the child and cried like that. That's right. So my guess is that she really didn't know what to do. That's right. She didn't know. She didn't know that such behavior would cause any harm to the child and bring other people to suffer. At that time, I saw a lot of people couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran over there. This is an example of not knowing how to deal with a situation when a child suddenly cries. Are there any other examples of such problems? At that time, I also thought that some people who were educated, had power, had status in society would definitely know. Later, I found that it wasn't like that. Oh, Ms. Chen, even if we are more educated, we don't have a single school for our parents. Our adults, who are studying physics, chemistry, such high degrees, it's true that they don't have to be highly educated to know how to be parents. That's why I asked you at the beginning of the program, do you really think you can be a parent? In fact, there are also many books about this aspect, which is 100 skills, which is 70 secrets, for example. But I have read all those books because I have accumulated a lot of experience. I found a very important point. When your idea of ​​being a parent doesn't change, even if you try to remember 100 skills, when it happens, you don't use 100 skills. It's completely an act that you've been taught since you were a child. So according to the current psychology, what is the basic principle? Which basic point is correct? So that we can use the invariable to respond to the transverse. That's right. This is an extremely interesting thing. There are some methods for us to find it. There are also some methods that help us not stop changing our minds. For example, people find themselves in situations where problems occur. That is, when difficulties arise, people have a chance to think. Is it my way of thinking that can't respond to situations like this before? I'll give you an example. I was once invited by a large school to give a guidance to parents. After the guidance, a mother came to me and asked me if I could help their child. What kind of family is that? What's wrong with their child? This family has a very good economy. The level of education of the parents is also very high. And the job is also admired by many people. You need English classes. Yes. How old was the child? The child was in the fourth grade of elementary school at that time. Boy? Boy. What's wrong with the baby? It was in school that the teacher felt that his teaching was very dedicated. But the behavior of this child is still not as expected. The child is not sick at all, and the strategy is not a problem, is it? At that time, no one told me this. It was said that the school did not report anything, and the parents were not aware of this. So I said, I will try my best to help you. She asked me, how did it start? Because I think, why don't they take him to the hospital? The hospital is a very easy thing to check. Because this problem is very common in Taiwan hospitals. Why don't you go? Do you know why? Because a lot of famous people don't want to show up at the hospital. Especially when the child has a problem. Yes. If this child is photobombed, it's not easy to handle. Especially if this child is reported, the child will have more trouble during his growth. Do you think so? I can understand these concerns of parents. And the second concern is to take the child to the hospital, there must be a case. The hospital will record it, and those records can follow the child for a lifetime. Some parents don't want such records. So there are some obstacles. What should we do if there are such obstacles? So then I told my parents, we have to eat anyway, right? So I made an appointment at a restaurant. In fact, for children, it's like a friend of the parents invites the family to have a meal. That's right. For an expert like you, what I care more about is the state of the parents. And the natural expression of the child. Because, you know, if we take the child to the hospital, many children will be worried because in the hospital, most children will think about taking medicine or taking very bitter medicines. That's right. It will put pressure on the child. And then it won't be normal reactions. It's not a normal reaction. So sometimes the doctor's visit will be a little different. If the expert is very serious, the child will be very worried. Normally, the child can do it, but under that pressure, the child can't do it. So Ms. Tran's room has been moved to the restaurant. What happened next? At that time, I had a child who was just starting to know how to walk. I asked my husband to take care of the child while I was going to work. At that time, the mother was waiting for me to sit down and said, What did she say? She said, Ms. Tran, I feel your sacrifice is very big. Sacrifice is very big? Yes. Why did she feel your sacrifice was very big? Because she feels your education is so high, your conditions are so good. Why did you choose to be a mother all the time? Ah, when I had a child, I thought about being a mother all the time. In Western society or in the United States, this view is still valid. But society today is getting more and more unpopular. And in Asian countries, people with as high education as you have so many doctorates and doctorates. Not to mention her. I also feel very sorry. Yes, she feels extremely difficult to understand this. Why does she feel difficult to understand because of her system of values? That's right. She thinks that a mother does not need to have any education all the time. It's like a woman can't find a job. How can you give up such a high and good job to become a midwife? That's right. She feels that in a year, a child just needs to find a caretaker. Hearing this question, how do you react? Then I know her problem. The root of her problem. This is the root of the problem. When parents' system of values in educating their children is wrong, when she feels that taking care of her children is a great sacrifice, what feelings will she have when taking care of her children? Just finish the job. I have my job. On the one hand, I take care of my children. I can't fully follow it. Then you will be frustrated. Frustrated. You will hope that your child can quickly follow your footsteps. And you have to go to work. You have meetings and many things. So you will become a very impatient mother. When you feel frustrated, you can't see the process of developing step by step that the child should have. So this usually happens. That's when the problem is very big. Then you realize that you can't control yourself anymore. This child is already in grade 3. So through this, she has seen that her mother has her problem. So what's the problem with her child? First of all, her eyes have a problem. What's wrong with her eyes? Her eyes are out of focus. Oh. It's so obvious. She just puts on a pair of glasses and that's it. She doesn't even know if a little girl like that when she wears glasses to school can be laughed at or not. So she shouldn't put on glasses? She doesn't even care about this. When a child in our class is laughed at, she usually doesn't have friends. Do you think the child can study well? First, it's the problem with her eyes. Second, what's the problem? Second, it's the problem with her walking. She has a problem with keeping balance when walking. Really? When a child loses balance, it will affect her writing. So this is what the expert just saw. This child is over 10 years old. She is about 10 or 11 years old in grade 3. But her parents don't know what's wrong with her. What exactly happened?