One Of The BIGGEST Reasons Relationships FAIL

You can be yourself. But for her, herself right now is someone that could sabotage even a great relationship. Before we get going with the video, a quick bit of news. We now have a date for the next in-person retreat of mine in Florida. It's going to be October from the 9th to the 15th. We're going to spend six days together working on the biggest challenges of your life. The things that hold you back, the things that make it hard for you to feel confident, the things that get in the way of you dating and finding love. What are the deeper patterns that have been there a long time that you feel are impossible to shift? Those are the things we're going to work on together. You can come and apply by going to mhretreat.com. You'll see all of the information about the program. I really do hope to see you there in October so that we can spend six days together in person. Now on to the video. We have another comment which actually broke my heart reading it. It's from Braz. They said their pattern is that they sabotage the relationship that they're in due to insecurities caused by previous trauma. Again, very common. Very, very common. I find that really heartbreaking because I think it makes me think that when you do that, all you want is to be loved and somehow you end up being the author of your own demise over and over again, which is heartbreaking. I can get philosophical about this because on one hand, when we think like, oh, if it's right, you can't screw it up. The right person is someone it will work out. It's not going to be brittle. You can be yourself. But for her, herself right now is someone that could sabotage even a great relationship. That's the hard part about those things is that we do. Who among us hasn't because of some kind of insecurity or trauma done something in a relationship that the other person absolutely didn't deserve, accused them of something, been controlling, been jealous, made their life difficult, created a massive argument? Who among us hasn't done that? We know that we probably did in some way. We tested the relationship then and maybe we were able to shift in good enough time that the relationship was okay and thrived. Maybe that person even got to know us a bit better through that and the relationship got stronger. But there will be relationships that ultimately fray and fail because of those moments if we have too many of them. But where I get philosophical is I think that the one that we arrive at where our trauma gets in the way of being able to have a successful relationship, in my view, it's still not our person. Our person is someone who comes along at a time in our life where we're working on our stuff. We haven't fixed it all. We're still working on it. They understand the DNA of our particular trauma or healing journey. Or maybe through conversation they come to understand it. They have enough compassion and enough empathy that they come to understand it and us theirs. And you heal together. You go on that journey together. That to me is the right relationship is the one that can go on the journey with you. And it's a bit redundant to say, but if I was further along on this journey, I would have been able to keep this person. But because I had still had too much stuff, I lost that person. There's like a science fiction element to that. Then it's not your person. Your person is someone who can meet you where you're at and grow and heal with you. I'm not taking accountability away from people in taking responsibility for healing their trauma, but I think we can almost be a bit fatalistic about it. If I do everything in my power to heal my trauma and I'm not quite far enough down that path to keep this particular person I just met, they kind of have an attitude of like, I'm not. I know I dated people in my early twenties where there was stuff going on with them. By the way, with me too, I just didn't know it yet, but there was stuff going on with them where I very much had the attitude of, Oh, I can't deal with this. I can't deal with it. And I know it'd be a very different, a very different version of me would have shown up 10 years later, but at the age and the stage of my development I was at, I was like, I can't deal with this. This is too much. This is just, Oh, what? And so I wrote people off because I was just like, I, and for them, they were like very early in their journey of trying to, maybe they didn't even realize what they were trying to work on at that stage. It was just unconscious. But we all can get to a stage where we go, no one's going to want me because of this. Everyone turns me away because of this. You, you are going to, if you continue to work on yourself, you're going to continue to meet people at a new stage of your evolution. And you never know when you're going to meet someone who's at a stage of their evolution where they're actually equipped to help you heal in a way that people haven't been in the past. And that, when you find someone like that, that's a really beautiful thing. I know before you and I met, I don't, I don't believe I ever met anyone who was equipped to help me heal in the way that you have. And that's, that has been one of the greatest, probably the greatest gift of our relationship is that I never met anyone who is equipped in the way that you were naturally equipped to soothe me. So, and I don't, and you know, you know, this is true. I don't see it as your job to soothe me. I see it as my job to work on my stuff, but you want to work on your stuff with someone who's a soothing presence. So don't feel defeated. If you feel like you've got had a go on in your life and that that has made it hard for you to have a relationship without sabotaging or without turning people away with your trauma, understand that A, you can heal. B, there's your equivalent out there who's been through just as much, maybe not the same stuff, but they've been through just as much in their life. And that has uniquely positioned them to be compassionate towards you, to help you heal. And that finding someone like that and then doing it together can be one of the most beautiful experiences you can ever have with another human being. You don't need to come ready-made. You need to come open and humble and willing to do the work and to meet someone who meets you in that place. And by the way, Braz, I want to say this to you. If you're taking your own part in this seriously, that you want to take responsibility for working through these things. In October, we have the retreat that we're doing in Florida. It's a yearly event. There is no better place that we have to work on healing those things. People often ask me, what does the retreat do? And it does many things for people, but one of the primary functions of it is to help us understand the patterns in ourselves that have been holding us back our entire life and to help unwind those, heal them and rewire our patterns so that we can start getting a different result. Because just getting tips and advice doesn't change our patterns. All it does is give us a roadmap that we don't know how to use because our brain is not built for it right now. Those patterns don't go away on their own. They go away by focusing on them and gradually learning better ways of being and making those part of our new muscle memory so that we can do something different going forward. Once you change your patterns that underlie every action you take in your life, whether it's in your career, friendships, family, romantic relationships, the results you get in your life naturally begin to change. You don't even need to focus on the result anymore in the same way because your patterns will create new realities for you. That's what we do on the retreat. We now have dates, Braz, for the October retreat. It's from the 9th to the 15th. You don't have to do this work with us, but you have to do this work if you want to be happier and if you want to get better relationships. I encourage you to do it with us because what we have is a really beautiful way of doing it together over six days. If you want to find out more about it, go to mhretreat.com.