Productivity Tips for Moms (How I "DO IT ALL")

Today I'm answering the question of how do I do it all? Stick with me until the end for perhaps the most counter-intuitive way that I get more stuff done. If you wanna love parenting and parent from love, slam that subscribe button and hit the notification bell so that you're told every time I upload a new episode every Monday. The Parenting Junkie. Hi, I'm Avital, I'm a mindful parenting coach, I'm the mother of four, and I am absolutely blessed to be doing what I love, helping thousands of parents across the globe reclaim presence, peace, and play for their families. Today I'm gonna be breaking down how I personally get things done in my life, how I run an online business, homeschool my children, et cetera, what it takes to make that happen. If you're ready to hear how I do it all, click that like button and give me a love in the comments below, I love to hear from you. Getting all those love comments fuels my work and empowers me to keep going, so thank you. One of the things people write to me all of the time is how do you do it all? I don't know how you do it, how do you make it look so easy? How are you homeschooling four children and solo parenting most of the time and running an online business and coaching and creating videos and podcasts and all different things, how are you doing it? For example, Kylie just wrote to me last week, she said you make it look so easy. How do you do it? Is there some magic secret that you're not telling us? Mary said, I don't know how you do it. Alice said, riddle me this, how do you do it? This is an increasingly popular question that I get asked and sometimes when I hear that question, I assume that there is a lot of projection going on there, that people are assuming that I have some kind of magic power or that I have some kind of edge or some kind of secret weapon or something that I'm not sharing that helps me to do it all or that they're projecting on me that I do a lot more than they think I do. So before I dive into how I do it, I just wanna dispel the idea of what doing it is. I mean, you're doing it all as well in the sense that you are living full days and full lives in whatever that looks like for you in your lifestyle. There's no magic bullet, there's no secret agenda, there's no algorithm that you haven't yet cracked but there are other things that maybe when you put them all together can create a more productive and more satisfying and meaningful lifestyle like the one that I'm really honored to be currently living. Plus, I also wanna just dispel this idea that I do it all all of the time, I have ups and downs, there are things that I have not yet achieved or accomplished, I have big failures, big wins and a lot of just medium, middle of the road, normal everyday doing it. Number one is I don't do it all. So I just said I'm gonna share how I do it all and now I'm saying I don't do it all and that's really probably the most important thing you need to take away from here is that I don't do it all myself. I get help wherever I can. Generally, for me, right now, that means hired help but if you can have help from friends, family, community, et cetera, then I would say yes to all of that. I think particularly as women, we have this plague known as the super mom plague but we think we have to do it all and do it all by ourselves in order for it to have any meaning and I think the opposite is true. I think the more help you can get, the more community you can build, the more you can outsource, the more you can free up yourself to stay in your zone of genius and do the things that you're both really good at and that you really enjoy and that's my philosophy in life is that I should be spending all of my time or as much of my time as possible doing the things that I am great at, that I enjoy, that makes sense for me and outsourcing everything else. Now, of course, there's a financial component to this. You have to be able to afford the help. Once you set yourself up with some time for yourself, then everything else flows better and you're able to work on your business or on your job or on just you, your development, your health, your self-care, your house, whatever it is that you need to work on. Getting help in whatever form is possible, saying yes to the meal train that your community puts on, saying yes when your neighbor offers to watch your kid when you're not feeling well, saying yes when there's a mother's helper and she's a teenager and you're not sure if she's gonna be any good but you try it out because you need that help. I really can't shout it loud enough that I think we have to dispel this idea that motherhood is a sacrifice, a self-sacrifice that motherhood needs to be done by itself or parenthood in general, the dads too. This idea that we need to not get help, I think is a terrible catastrophe and I think it's terrible for us on a personal level and it's terrible for our children. No child wants to be putting their parent under that kind of strain where their parent is sacrificing themselves at the altar of raising their child, sacrificing their careers, their self-care, their passions, their friendships, their marriage, their body for the child. I think that's a terrible story. The story I think should be the opposite. The story should be I accept help, I create help, I find help, I say yes, I share the workload, I share my passions, I share my vision, I share my needs with others and we offer each other help. I say yes to every help I can get and so this idea that I do it all is simply incorrect. I have a team in place with a parenting junkie and of course I didn't have that from the get-go. I didn't hire a team straight off the bat. I built it up and I was solopreneuring and hustling for quite some time, working my full-time job and building my business on the side and I didn't full-on get help with babysitting, with housework to begin with. As my family grew, I got more and more help but my philosophy is wherever you can get help, whatever you can outsource, whatever you can take off of your plate, do, do because that's how you can do the things that you are really great at, that you are really productive at. If you get help with parenting, if you get help with playing with your kids, if you get help with their homework or their tutoring or wherever it is, really anything, the housework, the laundry, the cooking, the shopping, doing your shopping online rather than going to the stores, wherever you can do to cut corners and get help means that you are a little bit freer, a little bit richer in terms of your resources to apply those to the things that really matter to you, whether it's allowing you to meditate or it's allowing you to work another shift. Getting help is critical and this story, this shame around getting help, we need to nix that, that needs to go. Number two, how do I do it all? I got this gift from my father. Thanks, Daddy. And that gift is relentless optimism. My dad always looked on the bright side of things. He always had a smile on his face and a sense of gratitude for everything that we had. Whatever we were having for dinner, he was saying, how lucky are we? We eat like kings. Anything that we did, he was looking on the bright side and he always really taught us this sense of gratitude and gratefulness for whatever we've got. And always looking to be a problem solver. So rather than lingering on the problem, he was always ready to look at how we move past it, what we do next. He was never busy blaming or feeling like a victim. So while you're parenting, you can have that self-talk in your head that really brings you down, that really tells you, you can't do this, this is a problem, this is an issue, how hard my life is. And we can get into that victim mindset, that helplessness, powerlessness. And those things that are going on inside our mind have direct correlations to what we're capable of producing and doing in the world. If you get up in the morning and say, I can do hard things and I can figure this out and I can solve this problem and I'm so lucky and I'm so blessed and I'm so grateful, then no matter what's on your plate that day, you're going to manage, you're going to get through it, you're going to not only cope, not only survive, but actually thrive. But if you get up in the morning with the thoughts, I can't do it, I'm not good enough, my life is too hard, then we're not going to manage to get through it, it's likely to break us down. And so the mental capacity to stay relentlessly optimistic, relentlessly grateful, always coming back to gratitude, always coming back to optimism, moment by moment by moment throughout the day, throughout the month, throughout the year, et cetera, that is what builds our brain as a muscle of capability, of competence and of confidence. And with the real optimistic approach that we can do it, that we are good enough, that we do measure up, that anything that comes onto our plate is a blessing, that our children are a blessing, that the roof over our head is a blessing, that the food on our plate is a blessing, that our health is a blessing, everything suddenly seems so wondrous, so incredible, so lucky, and we really feel hashtag blessed. I know that's a cliche, but it really is one of the big ways that I think people who live meaningful, productive lives and are able to do a lot of things, do it. It's because they believe they can do it and they're grateful for it and they see every mistake or failure simply as a challenge, simply as a learning opportunity. They are relentlessly optimistic. So do you ever have that kind of voice in your head, that victim voice saying, I can't do this, it's too hard, why me? If you have that voice, I would love for you to watch my video all about self-talk and all about the characters that are in my head. It's a little crazy, but it's worth the watch just to understand that we need to develop a whole entirely new self-talk so that we can do it all with one child, with two children, with children with challenges and disabilities, all of the different things that come up. We need to develop the self-talk to support us. It's crucial. Mindset is everything. Number three, I multitask. Guilty. I know this is a no-no in the mindfulness community. We're not supposed to multitask, right? Our brains can't do more than one thing at once and we're supposed to be focused and present and in the moment. And for those caregiving times when I'm there with my children, we're at dinner, I'm not multitasking. I'm not multitasking when I'm bathing them. I'm not multitasking when I'm reading them a bedtime story. But much of the rest of the day, I am multitasking. So driving time, I absolutely utilize. Cooking time, cleaning time, any time that the kids are playing and engaged, I have an earbud in my ear and I am listening. I am soaking up information. I'm taking notes or I'm having a meeting and we're strategizing and working on what's coming next. I'm also multitasking my self-care along with my kids. And this is something that my present players will recognize from present play. It's called bundling. And it's when we bundle together something that is important to us, that we enjoy, but also while we're looking after our kids. So for example, I get my nature time when I go on a hike with my children. Or I get my exercise done when I go on my morning walk and they're riding their bikes. Or I might be doing yoga while they're playing with me. So killing two birds with one stone. I'll often be taking my kids to a homeschool co-op more because I wanna hang out with the moms there than even because they wanna hang out with the kids. It's about my self-care, my social needs as well. So having that connection with other moms or sitting and working on my laptop while they're playing with other kids. Again, I'm multitasking. I'm answering all of our needs at the same time rather than first doing something for my kids and then making time for me. Often those things work together. So when it's time to be present and mindful, be present and mindful. But the rest of the time, look for ways to get more bang for your buck so that you can get more done. And I'm not a big proponent in working hard, more, more, more, hustle, hustle, hustle. But if like me, you want to do things like homeschooling and you want to run your own business and you want to stay healthy and you want to maintain your marriage and friendships, then yeah, you're gonna have to compress your time a little bit. You're going to have to put a little bit more in and make things work at the same time. Now, I would love to hear from you. What are the ways that you multitask? What are your tips for this? Or is it a big no-no for you? Can you not focus when you're listening to something and driving whatever it is you're doing? So I would love to hear that from you. Let me know in the comments below. Number four is rhythm. I work very hard on creating the perfect, no, there's no such thing as perfect, but the ideal, the optimal routine and flow and daily rhythm and weekly rhythm for all of our family's needs, for our needs holistically. I work hard on making sure there are slots of time where I'm alone to do my work, like I am now, and there are slots of time when we are outdoors and there are slots of time when the children are engaged in different activities and classes and time when we're with friends and time when we're alone as a family and time when we're alone as a couple and that there are different times every single day, week, and month when we do these things. So it becomes a predictable routine and we can absolutely rely on it being that. If you want more help developing your own daily flow and rhythm, watch for Present Play opening. It's closed at the moment, but you can sign up next time it opens and we go deep into flow there and in how to develop this flow. I know it's not easy to manage our time in this way, but for me, it's absolutely crucial. If I just woke up every day and decided what we were doing that day and we didn't have a very clear daily rhythm in place, then I would never be able to get done the things that I do get done. But because I have reliable time blocks, I know that this is what I have, this is the time that I have, and I can be ever more productive, ever more prepared for it. That's not to say that I don't also grab slots here and there if I wake up earlier or if suddenly the kids are very engaged in play. I might just whip out my laptop and get a little bit of extra work done, but that's just cherries on top. I'm not relying on that because I know I have my work time set aside. Creating a daily flow means that bedtime is 100% predictable for me. I can book a meeting exactly when bedtime ends because it's pretty much the same every day. And this liberates me and makes bedtime and everything else so much easier because I feel very safe that I will have my time for myself, for my husband, for my family, for my friends, and for my work. If you want more help on bedtime, I will link to some videos on that below. Number five, I declutter. I am as minimalist as I can be. And what that means to me is that I make time and space only for the things that are important to me and that truly bring me joy. I try very hard to only have items in my home that are worth my time and worth my energy. And I try very hard to only have scheduled things in my weekly and daily calendar that are joyful, meaningful, and productive for me. And so by minimizing, by decluttering, by getting rid of everything that doesn't serve me, be it relationships, be it hobbies, endeavors, watching TV, scrolling through Facebook, all of the different things that I feel aren't focused enough aren't my optimum, most important use of my time, I will get rid of that. I will say goodbye. I'm ruthless about disconnecting those things from my life so that I can stay ultra-focused on my zone of joy and genius. If I can stay in my good zone, then I put all of my 100% of my energy to the things that are important to me. And so making enough time for all of those things means that my calendar is 100% full of those things. There's no space for anything that doesn't serve me. And I'll say no to those things. Same goes for just running my home. We'll only have the clothes we're truly wearing, only the foods we truly want to eat, only the toys we really wanna play with. In my office, I will only have the equipment that I'm really using. And in my work itself, I'll only work on the things that really serve me. So you've gotta be laser-focused and niche down and be very clear on your plan, very clear on where you're putting your time and resources, and that way you can get it all done. And finally, supreme self-care, radical self-care. Now I have a video, if you're just getting started with the idea of self-care, 10 Tips to Self-Care, I'll link it below. But what I want you to know about self-care and getting it all done is this. Most people would think that you get it all done and in the time that's left over is for you, right? First, get all of the important things done, and then if there's any time left over, you can take a bubble bath or go to the gym or read a book or meditate or journal or chat to your friend on the phone. I work with the opposite equation. I say, here's my time minus my self-care time, and I have the rest, whatever is left over is the time when I can get it all done. And the reason is this. You have to first put in your self-care. First, block off that time, and then all of the time that's left over can be productive. If you just give 100% of your time to being a mom or to your work or to a combination of those, they will fill all of your time. But if you first set aside time for your yoga, your meditation, your marriage, your date night, your reading time, your self-growth time, your friendship time, any of the things that are important for you to feel cared for, you first put that in. You say, those are top priority. Then I can show up to my children and my job with energy, with gusto, with zest for life, with excitement and enthusiasm. So self-care comes first. It's not selfish. It's actually the only way to then go out and be altruistic. If you are sacrificing yourself, then there is nothing left of you. Instead, you need to fill up your cup full to the brim, let it overflow, and then you'll have extra to give to others. Now, I would love to hear how you do it all in the comments below. And if this has been helpful for you, give me a love down there in the comments so I know you have found it helpful. And if you have any friends who you think might benefit from this episode, please share it with them. Now, this video has a companion podcast episode. I have just launched my brand new podcast, The Parenting Junkie Show. So if you want a much deeper dive into this topic and many others, head on over to iTunes or Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe to The Parenting Junkie Show podcast, and I would be so grateful if you rate it, review it, and share it with your friends. I'm really excited to get the word out about it. Now, if you want an ultra supportive community, head on over to Facebook and join Love Parenting with Avital. It's absolutely free. We'd love to have you in there and support you in getting out of victim mode and into full-on power mode as a parent. If this list spoke to you, slam on that like button. And don't forget to slam on that subscribe button and hit the notification bell because here's what's coming next week. I believe that so many ailments of our culture and the things that kids suffer from today, like depression and anxiety, would be strongly alleviated if we all took note of this one thing.