John Pinette - Around The World In 80 Buffets

It's a pleasure to be here, cause I was just in Las Vegas. So I need the money. I lost a lot of money. I really did. I mean, I get them back at the buffet. Don't get me wrong. 9.95, all you can eat. We'll see who wins this frigging handout, won't we? I do believe I have blackjack. I was at the prime rib counter going, hit me again. The buffet manager was horrified. You should have seen him. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Get the prime rib back in the kitchen. Finally, they just gave me my money back. Here's your thousand, get out. Actually, they have a buffet in Las Vegas. It's called the Oz Buffet. It's the Wizard of Oz thing. And it's a buffet. You walk up and it's the Emerald City, and it's an all you can eat buffet. I ran to it. You're out of the woods, you're out of the dock, you're out of the night. Into the sunset, into the light. Prime ribs and pork chops and scampi, oh my. You know, I talk about buffets, not because I'm a big guy. No, I'm actually writing a book around the world and 80 buffets. And in my research, I found that there are some foods that shouldn't be all you can eat. Like Chinese food shouldn't be all you can eat because you get hungry again. I don't know what it is. They put something in it, they must. Because I order takeout, they're always real happy. Oh, he gonna be back. I give that big boy one hour. Because you do get hungry again. What is it too? And you go from full to starving. There's nothing in between. I can't believe I ate all that chow mein. Hey look, they brought egg rolls. So I went to this Chinese all you can eat buffet and while the owner, he got pissed. I mean, he was rude though. He'd come out every hour. Son of a bitch still here. Look, he go again. He started screaming at me. You go now. You're here four hour. You not come here anymore. You have spare rib, you're so big. Vegetable. Broccoli. You scared my life. Love Chinese food shouldn't be all you can eat. Now Japanese food. For the book, I went to an all you can eat sushi place. Mm. All the raw stuff I can eat, huh? It was 22.95. 22.95 for raw fish. 22.95, you throw this on the grill. 22.95, I can't eat a dollar's worth. I brought a seal. I put him right under the table. Another plate please. That seal ate buckets full. The owner thought I was eating it all though. Got yelled at again. This guy scared me though. He reminded me of Lord Turanaga from Shogun. Yo. Big boy. Big boy, come here. You eat like free. That's you eat like free Willy. Actually, I wanna visit Japan. You know, sumo wrestlers in Japan are icons. Oh, I don't think I could be a sumo. No, no, they're big. No, they really, I mean, those guys are big. I look at them and go, oh, you've let yourself go. You know what I also tried for the book? Tried Indian food. Have you been out for Indian food? Yeah, bring a sandwich. Cause you know, they're starving in India. Now I know why. Plenty of food, they just don't know how to cook it. You see, Indian food's too spicy. It's, it is spicy. Spicy is a relative term, I know that. Spicy can mean a lot of things. Spicy could mean, ooh, jeez, you know, that burnt my tongue a little bit. Or it could mean. Would you like some water? No thanks, I always scream at the table. It's too hot. I had that curried chicken, it went through my colon like a Japanese bullet train. Wasn't at the table five minutes, where's the bathroom? Way over there, huh? Please God, let me make it. Don't let me take a dump in the lobby. Oh, look at the line. They served all the curry at once, they shouldn't do that. They should stagger it. You could hear Indian music coming from the bathroom. Bonsoir, mes amis. He's like, yo, if I was 70 inches taller, I think I'd be in the NBA. I was like, nah dude, you'd just be a little bit taller. My girlfriend's pregnant and we're very excited about it and that's exactly how you have to say it.