you're going to change your entire life this year and have a booming social life and here's how

I posted a video every single day about just like being an introvert, being nervous and just trying to get out of the house more and more. It really took off. Your life this time last year to now is so drastically different. Yeah, I'm holding a microphone at the moment. My confidence was so low. So I started off slow. I was like, I'm going to go find a bar that they are really nice at and I became friends with the bartenders to start with. I'm 27 and I've seen other people that are 27 or even like a little bit younger and they have like a family and they have significant others and all this stuff. And I'm like, am I just doing something wrong? You can't take things to heart too much because good or bad, like your opinion of yourself needs to be your opinion of yourself. 100%. Going to my job, it can get stressful, same thing every single day. But at the end of the day, I am quite lucky to have that stability. How are you feeling about content currently? I'm not feeling great. Honestly, hate comments at the beginning was what helped grow my account. Dating. Oh gosh. We don't need to get into your dating life. I just want to talk about dating. Oh, I could go like all into dating. Oh, you want to go all into dating? I mean, sure. Why not? I'm going to be doing a dating challenge. Good. Announcing it here. Like everyone who's listening is going to be like so inspired. All of this stuff that you've done and if you've done it, they can do it. Hi house guests. Welcome back to my home. This week we have one of my favorite people on the podcast. If y'all are in Dallas, honestly, if you're on TikTok, I'm sure you have seen him. We have Michael, AKA Harky on the show. He blew up on TikTok in the past year from his like 27 year old introvert videos where he's putting himself out there. So when thinking of January episodes, I thought to myself, who better to bring on the show than my friend Michael, who just recently changed his entire life by pushing himself outside of his comfort zone. I love house guests. I love this show. I don't want you guys to come here in January and feel like you have to change every single thing about your life and it'd be overwhelming. I feel like we're all like fatigued by January as is and so much of it is focused on like numbers and how much money you want to make and like fitness and all that stuff, which is great. I'm literally my idol is at my lot. Like I love that kind of stuff, but I think what Michael has done with his like actual personal life and finding fulfillment and building community and like actually building the life that he wants to live for himself and his personal life is sometimes if not always way more important. And I just think what he's done in the past year is incredible. I love him. He is the sweetest man on earth and you guys are going to love him. I know all of our fellow Dallas girls and guys out there, all of our fellow Dallas house guests are going to be so excited about this because he really is the man around town. But more than that, I mean, he's literally everywhere and he is just the best, sweetest man ever. You guys are going to adore him and love this episode. So without further ado, I hope you guys enjoy and let's welcome Michael onto the show. Welcome Michael to the show. Hi. I just found out a really, really big piece of information. Not only is this for his first ever podcast, but apparently he's turned down every other show. Yeah. I mean, this is the first time I've actually felt comfortable enough to go and do the show. So that's saying something for sure. Because we actually know each other. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Well, I'm so glad. Yeah. I'm so happy to have you on. Well, thank you for inviting me. Of course. Your house is beautiful. Well, thank you. Yeah. You've had the full experience now. Yes. You've done the dinner parties. You've done a sourdough night. Yes. You've now done the podcast. The sourdough night was so much fun. You killed that. Thank you. By the way, your loaf looked actually great. Yeah, it did. It was amazing. Okay. So I think the whole point of my video, like putting out and actually making the loaf, the whole point of the video was like, I screwed it up and it still came out perfect. Yeah. It still worked out so perfectly. Yeah, you were right. It's easy. He killed it. He came to our sourdough baking class the other night because we did a launch event for a product for a friend of mine and you killed it. Thank you. It was amazing. Thanks. I appreciate it. I have so much I want to talk to you about. I was saying this in the intro. I was saying this also offline to you, but you are someone who has changed your life so drastically. For sure. In a way that is somehow very, very inspiring, but also comforting. Well, thank you. You're amazing. Sometimes, especially in the new year when people are going into any sort of year, I think January can get really overwhelming. For sure. It can feel like I will get January anxiety because I'm like, oh my God, I want to change a billion different things. I'm like, what's wrong? There's so many goals and I need to do everything all at once. You're someone who actually changed what I think is important about life. It wasn't a certain amount of numbers necessarily. Yes, you have goals, of course, but you were changing your actual life and putting yourself out there after really hibernating or isolating yourself for quite some time. Can you take us through just that journey on social because it's really been everywhere and obviously in your real life, but you started documenting it online. Yeah, definitely. I started documenting it back in March of this year. It was really, I guess I underestimated the overall reach of social media. I was like, oh, people in Dallas are going to see this and no one else is going to see it. No one from home is going to see any of this. I was like, I'm sitting in the house every single day. I might as well do something to get out of the house and try to change things. I just started documenting it and it was really nerve-wracking at first, but what was comforting was I thought no one was going to see it. I posted a video every single day about just being an introvert, being nervous, and just trying to get out of the house more and more. It really took off. I think what was really surprising was that more and more people felt the same way as I did. I thought I was alone in the house by myself, but a lot of people felt exactly the same way as I did. I think especially following a pandemic, where we're all actually stuck and it's so easy to get set in your ways even outside of that. I am a homebody. I actually am very introverted, which I'm just a loud introvert, but I even think about socially, when do you see me outside my house? Never. Literally never. The only times you see me are when we're here. Well, the last time I was here, I was like, what bars do you go to? I don't really do that anymore. I do love a bar, I will say. I love to drink and I love to go out. It's just few and far between now. I used to go out all the time. Had we met a couple of years before. Well, it's more meaningful now. When you go out now, you can actually enjoy going out and having fun. I think I enjoyed it a little too much. Yeah, that's fair. But no, I think it's a really important, even just topic, because once you start to isolate yourself and stop putting yourself out there and maybe you will develop social anxiety or maybe you have social anxiety. Maybe it's just like when you start, even like, okay, this is a weird analogy, but when you're going back to the gym, like getting back into that routine, the initial times of starting, that feels like very overwhelming. So can you go more in depth on like how you were feeling, maybe a little bit more isolated, not doing anything, like where you were at mentally and like, cause it's like, it's one thing to say like, yeah, I was home and then I made myself to go, like, it's a lot harder than just like getting and pushing yourself out the door. Like, what did you do? Yeah. Like my confidence was extremely low. Like I, after like, like you said, the pandemic, coming out of the pandemic, I had done nothing in so long. So my confidence was so low. So I started off slow. I was like, I'm going to go find a bar that they are really nice at and I can go to all the time. Um, and I became friends with the bartenders to start with. And then I, Billy can, can, yeah, I still go like every night. It's actually an issue now. Like it's gotten from like not going out of the house at all to like maybe going a little bit too much. I could probably cut back a little bit, but like, um, yeah, so I started by going to the bar and then like through that I became friends with Bart, the bartender. And then I like started going out and having drinks with like her and her husband that like was just from that relationship. Um, and then the real biggest thing that I did, I joined a club called the Dallas creators club and, um, I met like my, like some great friends there, like Claire and Griffin, um, are just other creators in the Dallas area. Um, and they really introduced me to my entire group of friends. So it was really finding that one person or one group that could really branch off into two different things. So they have different events, like, um, they made, uh, like sandwiches for, for homeless people a few weeks ago. Um, so like just going out and doing those little events and I like found a new person to like connect with and make friends with every single time. And then now I'm getting invited to things with those people. So, um, just finding that one core group, it branches off into a lot. I always say, cause I get like listeners will write in all the time, like, how do you like make friends post-grad? How do you meet new people in a new city? And I always say like, you have to consistently put yourself out there and go to places where like the people, it's kind of like dating, like you need to put yourself in an environment where that person would be, it's really hard. And you almost have to treat it like a part-time job initially, but it doesn't like, you aren't going to necessarily meet your new best friend, maybe the first time. And maybe you'll meet maybe like the second or third time or fourth time, you'll meet someone who will then introduce you to a different group of people who will then introduce you to a different group of people. And then through that, you'll find your best friend. Exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah. And like, the thing is, is it's getting out of the house is the first thing, but like just getting out of the house, you could meet someone that is like pretending to be your friend or like not going to be the right person to like help you advance your life in that way. So like, I definitely went out of the house and it was like not feeling it at first, which was totally fine. But I think it's important not to like recluse back into your house and, and say, oh, it's not worth like trying again. Like you can take time and just go like meet as many people as possible. And it really just helps out. And I think the toughest thing was, is that I was new to Dallas, so I had just moved here. I had nowhere to start. And yeah, just finding that one person that helps you branch off so much. Let's say it's your first time. Let's take it back to the first time leaving your house. Yeah. How do you build up like that confidence? Because it sounds easier than it is. Like really actually put yourself out there. Yeah, I think, and this is going to sound like this is a really like fat of me, but I wanted to try this restaurant so bad. Like I had like seen a TV show about chicken Parmesan. I was like looking at the best chicken Parmesan in the city. And I was like, I, this is before I even found Billy Kanken. I was like, I really want to try this place. So I just like, I was like, if I make a video about it, it'll be like someone else is there with me. So like I got my camera and I was like, Hey, I'm an introvert living in Dallas, Texas. And I really want to try this restaurant. And honestly, finishing the video was what gave me the motivation to go out and actually go to the restaurant. Cause I filmed the intro, I filmed myself walking there and I got to the door and I was like, I just feel like I'm not going to do it. And I was like, I have all of this video that I need to use. So I was like, I just went in and ate and it was like the best decision. I wound up getting like, like 4 million views. And it was like, not my first, my first introvert video. So I actually started off doing day in the life stuff. So I was like kind of doing like the hub's life type thing where I would like show myself going to work and it was really depressing music. And it was really indicative of how I felt at the time. I was depressed and not having any friends and just working my whole life away at that point. But that video of me going out to the restaurant and trying the chicken parm was the first time I actually really did the introvert thing. And, and just eating by myself and trying the food was what really set things off. It's so funny too, because the things that like, just on the side of the content creator, it's like the things that you don't think are necessarily going to hit are always the things that pop off. But even when you're like, I had no idea, like I wasn't alone and everything. Yeah. The reason it's doing so well is because so many people relate to it. Yeah, for sure. But it's easy to feel like you're, it's like when you're going through a breakup, it's like, you think you're the only person in the world who's ever had your heart broken. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's really easy to think I'm the only one who feels this way or to look around and think everyone else has so many friends and they have their life together. They have all these things like that isn't true. Yeah. And like, I'm, I'm 27 and I've seen other people that are 27 or even like a little bit younger and they have like a family and they have significant others and all this stuff. And I'm like, am I just like doing something wrong? Like I work too much and I'm like, I felt like I was genuinely doing something wrong. And as soon as I posted that video, my DMs were full of people being like, Hey, I feel the same exact way. We have a little group that gets together on this side of Dallas. And like, it was like hundreds and hundreds of messages. I think I got 35,000 followers from that one video. So it was like 35,000 and then probably like 2000 people messaged me saying like how they felt exactly the same way. And it was like, it instantly boosted my confidence. I was like, I'm not the only one that's like this. I'm, it's just, uh, there are people that have their stuff together in the world, but then there's also people that not say I don't have my stuff together, but that feel similar to what I do. That's crazy. A million thousand from one video. Yeah. Wow. Okay. A little hustler. Crazier is the fact that I like the rest of the videos. Don't get any. So like I have 400 videos and 35,000 is from one, but beside the point. Yeah, we'll get there later. Yeah. No, I think it's good. I also love when you're talking about like appreciating like your daily life and like the ordinary like day-to-day stuff. Can we talk more about that? Because right now on social media, it's like, you need a Lamborghini to like your life. Yeah, exactly. Changing your perspective on life is literally the only thing that you can like control. So like, I do get, I do get overwhelmed with work. I get super busy, but every now and then I like to stop and think about what I do have. And I'm so lucky for different things in my life. Like I can walk to work every day. I have a dog that is very loving when I get home and excited to see me. And I can afford a one K match. Like I have benefits. Like it's, I'm so lucky to have all the things I have that people always like look at and take for granted. So I go into my job. It can get stressful over and over again. It's the same thing every single day. But at the end of the day, I am quite lucky to have that stability and that life that it's allowed me to build. It's a beautiful perspective. Well, thank you. There's this book that I always reference on this podcast called The Gap and the Gain. And I like, I'm someone, I'm very goal oriented. I'm very driven. There's so many things that I want to do in life. So I will fall into the trap of like measuring myself from like the gap versus the gains. You start with your starting point, where you're at currently. And then obviously your end, like your ideal self, which like you'll never actually like get there because that always is moving. And the gap between like where you started and where you are is the gain. And then the gap between where you are and where you want to be is the gap. So I would find myself like constantly measuring myself in the gap. But like the only way to live a happy life and also like to be healthy and to be able to do good work and to actually even get closer to the ideal self is living in the game, which is like what you're doing. That makes sense. On that same note, I like I struggle to make long term goals. Like I am always I think I'm living too much in the game. Like no, I think that's good. OK, I think that's good. But elaborate. What do you mean? Like I think like with content creation specifically, like it started off on a whim. Like I didn't expect any of this to happen. So I've kind of struggled to like set that angle like on what I want to do next. I'm kind of just living in the moment. And I feel like it would be really beneficial to like help set those angles, if that makes sense. OK, I think it's good to have goals long term. Of course, I think specifically with a career in digital, like you got to think even, you know, five years ago, like a lot of what we're doing now didn't exist five years ago. So that makes it kind of hard to have a real like a tangible goal. Like I think there are certain things like, well, I don't I won't talk about it now that we've talked about off air for you. That I think that's good to have goals of like things that you want to head towards and work backwards of like, oh, if I want this, I want to work backwards. But I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing in general. I don't even really believe in like a five year plan in life, period. OK, so I don't think that's a bad thing. Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, like I actually did talk about that other day, like the five year plan. Like I can I could set a five year plan and have all of these these ideas. But like in five years, my dog's five years older. My parents are five years older. I'd rather just live and have fun with my dog now. And my parents now like that kind of stuff. So, yeah, yeah, I think it's a good combination of both. Yeah, I think that there's a good middle ground. That's the question I'm always asking myself. I'm like, how do you like live in contentment like now every day, but also have like all these big dreams? Like, how do you find the middle? That's the happy medium. You know, it's impossible. I think it's impossible. Yeah, because it's going to change every day. If it's not changing, you're just like you're stagnant. It's not going to be great. I also I don't like believe in balance in general. I think that you have like different priorities at different times. Yeah. So I think that probably also like somehow is tied to that. Yeah, that makes sense. So we're going to be perfect. Sometimes I need more balance. I don't know. I like struggle with it because I'm like, sometimes I'll sit down at night and be like, what are your actual goals? Like, what are you trying to accomplish here? And my answer is like, I have no idea. Every time. I have good ideas for you. I know you do. I think that it's also one. You are not even a year into this. Yeah. So that's insane. And you've made such drastic change in such a short period of time. Absolutely. And this is also new to you. I think you're more than fine where you're at. I think you're like, that's really reassuring. Yeah, I think you're so fine. Can you talk a little bit? Because you said that you really had low confidence when you started. Yeah. Can you go into more like gaining confidence for like someone who's listening to this? I feel that way currently. Maybe they don't want to go on to talk and do like some sort of challenge. But like, what would you say to that person? The filming of myself is really what helped me gain that confidence. No one else cares. Like everyone in the like, if people care about people, obviously, there's empathy in the world. But like, no one cares what you're doing. You can I could sit at my phone on the other side of the bar and feel myself eating and no one's even going to say anything to me at all. So I think like the little bit of knowledge that no one is looking at you 24 seven, it's all in your head is what helped me build that confidence. I always had a perception that I was like the center of the room when I walked in. Like, I don't know, like not in a narcissistic way, but like in a way that people were just judging. In an insecure way. And yeah, the filming and just doing weird things like content creation is weird. Like everything that I do on a daily basis is strange. I go in, I set my phone, I walk out the door and then I walk back in. Like someone has to watch that happen. But no one ever cares or says anything at all. So it really helped me build more confidence that like, hey, you're not the center of attention. And you are able to just go and live your life. And no one's thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. Literally no one at all. And actually in the slightest. Yeah, it's like if you stop and think about how often you think about other people, like aside from like your family and stuff like that. Like I can't remember a single person that I saw at a restaurant that I was at last night. I can't even think back to what anyone looked like. So I think that's really important to know. It's almost like what you were doing was, what was that trend on TikTok that it's like some sort of like rejection exposure therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you're constantly, like you're consistently putting yourself out there. And then over time you realize it's just not so bad. And you're like building up the confidence for it. Yeah, it's like exposure therapy for sure. Yeah. It really is. It's a weird way to think about it, but it's really helped me a lot. There's this quote by Ed Milad. I say this on the podcast every single week. Okay. And it's like confidence is built by breaking promises to yourself and keeping them. Yeah. And like that's essentially what you were doing. Absolutely. So I think that anyone who's wanting to build confidence, like maybe it's not filming themselves online. That's like not their stick. Like just making a promise to yourself every single day and keeping it because you're also showing yourself that you're competent. Yeah. You can be learning a new skill, like whatever it is. You are building that and you're also building that relationship with yourself. While you're putting yourself out there, you're also spending time with yourself. Absolutely. And like you learn that failure is okay. Like you can go and you can work so hard on something in content creation. I'm just using content creation as an example because it's what allowed me to build my confidence. But like I can work so hard on building something within content creation and then it just completely flops. And then it's like, hey, it's fine. You can still do it every single day and it's just failure is okay. What about this whole process of like putting yourself out there has been the most surprising to you? I think going back to just people feeling the same way is what is so surprising. Like again, in the same note of just thinking you're the center of attention, like I also, like I said earlier, I thought that I was the only one that was like feeling this way and I'm not, which was really nice and surprising. But the amount of nice messages that I received was like beyond heartwarming and just kept me going. I was going to say this city, but also I just feel like everyone was rallying around you like crazy, especially Dallas though. Especially Dallas. Dallas is the best, the nicest people. I've never run into a mean person like in Dallas. Anyone who has recognized me has been beyond the nicest person ever, has been beyond supportive. I think Dallas is uniquely like special and kind. Like I've lived in Charleston. I've lived in Virginia, like in Richmond for my whole life. And no one has ever been as kind as people here are in Dallas. I also think that you going forth and being vulnerable though makes it easier for people to connect with you. Absolutely. You know what I mean? And like, I think that that helps so much with relationally because people are afraid to be vulnerable first or like open up first or even like initiate a hangout or something. Yeah. You know? Well, like I've, I've had people introduce me, like I'd be like people who've seen my videos have like told their friends like, oh, this is my friend. And then like they catch themselves. They're like, oh wait, no. I just know you through social media. But like, I think that I try to give up the perception that like I'm there with you and that like we could be friends if we regret into each other in person. So yeah. I think you definitely do that. Yeah. I try to at least, but. We have a new recent favorite at my house. Something that I am far too familiar with as it's like 9am and I'm already yawning is the afternoon slump, like a 3pm slump. Every time I lose all my productivity, I lose any will I had to do honestly anything that day. And I just want to go back to bed and need a point every single day. Okay. And that is because I need more caffeine, but I already had caffeine that morning and I don't and by caffeine, I mean, I will get coffee normally and I can't have a coffee at 3pm because I have a 9pm bedtime strictly as you guys know, like, and I have to be in bed, like needle pointing and reading and I can't stay up forever because I need to wake up early in the morning so I can need a point that you guys understand. Like it's a whole thing. Anyway, we have these awake chocolates. They're actually so, so good. There's a bunch of different flavors. There's peanut butter, milk chocolate bites. And then they have the mint ones. I love the mint dark chocolate bites. These are my personal favorite. Each one has 50 milligrams of caffeine. So it's like half a cup of coffee. So I don't stay up past my bedtime, which as you guys know, it's like very, very strict around here in my household. And they also taste amazing. Awake is an innovative, functional chocolate brand that combats the afternoon scaries while providing a delicious and sweet snack. Each bite is crafted with fair trade chocolate, 50 milligrams of caffeine, and is 60 to 70 calories per bite. The 3 p.m. slump is an all too real phenomenon that can be difficult to overcome. It's too late in the day for a coffee or an energy drink, but still a few hours left to work. That is where Awake Chocolate comes in. Honestly, they're incredible. And I have a couple in my office and it's just the perfect little pick me up. And of course, I have a deal for y'all. Okay, you guys can visit awakechocolate.com and use code houseguest at checkout for 15% off your order. That is awakechocolate, A-W-A-K-E-C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E.com and use code houseguest for 15% off your order. All right, let's get back to the show. How are you feeling about content currently? I'm not feeling great. I think that's like the standard answer for everyone though. Yeah, that's just how it is. You have like ebbs and flows and it's just kind of part of it. And like the thing is, is I'll post a stupid video. Yeah. And it'll get a bunch of views. I'm like, I feel great about content creation. It's going wonderful. And my video last night is doing pretty good right now. And I'm like, oh yeah, I feel good. It's actually going amazing. It's similar. Okay, like in the way that you can't like take any comment to heart too much, positive or negative, it's like the same with views. Yeah. Because it's so up and down. Like it's just... I think that was one of the best advice that you gave me when I first was starting. You told me not to take that, like what you just said, don't take any comment positive or negative to heart. And that's so true because there were so many positive comments that you could definitely like get an ego about yourself. Oh, totally. I mean, look at my ego and I found out that you're my... I was the first podcast of yours. Yeah, that's true. You were the first person to DM me too when I first started. Yeah. Which was nice. When we were obsessed with your TikTok, I was like, immediately he's coming to a dinner party. That was so fun. That was the best time. Best food, Harrison. It was such a good group. Yeah. It was such a good dinner. Yeah. Macy, Harrison. Yeah. I think, but I think that goes like people who don't even do content. I think in general, like people's opinions, like you can't take things to heart too much because good or bad, like your opinion of yourself needs to be your opinion of yourself. A hundred percent. And not, and of course, like it's so, it's obviously so easy. It's so much easier said than done. Especially when you're on the internet. People are telling you great things about yourself all day and bad things about yourself. But like... It's crazy. I just do this every time because I'm, I don't know, I'm annoying. But I respond to every single comment, whether it's like, well, I try to, even if it's negative, I mainly respond to negative comments. And I play so stupid every single time. Like people are like, oh, so you set up your phone in the corner of the room to film yourself. And then I'll go, I'll be like, yeah, that's exactly what I did. Yeah, thanks for asking, King. Yeah, it gets me so, exactly. It gives me so much joy just to answer in a stupid way. But yeah. Do hate comments ever get to you? Oh yeah. Oh, get to me? Yeah. No. I can't see you being bothered by hate comments. I don't care. No, it doesn't bother me at all. I don't think there's been a single one. Like honestly, hate comments at the beginning was what helped grow my account. Because after that first video that I did another one and people were talking about how I'm balding at 27. I love that. So then for like the next month, I like made sure to like tilt my head in every video and get a bunch of hate comments. And it like helped really grow my page. Yeah. Hate comments, like they never actually affect me or bother me at all. That has to be like a male thing because I don't think that's so rare that it does. It doesn't really bother me, but I've been on the internet for so long and I really genuinely like don't care about most things. Like things don't get to me. But it's so rare that like, especially starting out that it just doesn't. It's very good. But your personality, especially, it's used up. It doesn't, I couldn't care less. It is definitely a good quality to have because I've seen people, like some of my friends that are like doing the Creators Club as well, like they get really affected and they just won't post for a couple of days after that. I'm like, no, no, like don't, do not let that person win. Yeah. Like do not let them win. That's exactly what they want. They can't do it themselves. So they want to tear you down so you don't do it anymore either. You cannot let them win. You just have to keep going. And there's some loser who's like leaving a hate comment. Like imagine you're at dinner and you find out the person that you're at dinner with leaves hate comments on TikTok. Oh God. I would not be friends with them. No. I've had people in my life that I could tell they were reading Reddit pages about friends of mine. That's wild. Because they would ask me things or say certain things and I ended the friendship. Then I was like, I'm never speaking to that person ever again. That's insane. That is so crazy. Imagine them posting the Reddit thread. Yeah. That'd be crazy. I know. But it's like, what does it say about them? Like if you have time in your day to care that much about someone else and leave a comment, what are you doing? And they only spent that time like building their own thing. They might be that person. Exactly. You know? It is really crazy. Also, it's like people who are on Reddit, smart pages, do you not have friends to text? Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you not have something else to do? Or is it that bad and embarrassing that you don't even want your friends to know? You shouldn't be on there. You know what I mean? Exactly. That's a very lonely, sad life. It is really lonely and sad. To the point where I don't even get into comments. People leave hate comments about other people on my page. Other creators that I'm in the same category as. I don't even want to involve myself with those either. Oh, I'll see someone leave a hate comment on my friend's video and I block them myself. Yeah. Just because that, I don't like their vibe. Oh, block is my thing. It doesn't affect me. But also, you don't need to be here anymore. Yeah, I just don't want to see it. I could have seen a better comment in the meantime. Exactly. You're wasting my time. My sister was talking to me about this. She was like, well, that's a follower that you're losing. I don't care. They're gone. You're so good. You don't even need those people. Can we talk about your life before social media? Yeah. People really don't know much about it. It was weird. So I grew up in Richmond, Virginia my entire life. I went to a really small school called Longwood University in Farmville, Virginia. It's just like the game Farmville on Facebook. How small are we talking? 5,000 students, I think. Okay. In the whole school. So it's not crazy small. I went to school at like 40. Oh, really? Where'd you go? It's an extension campus at Southeastern. Okay. Really small. But that's still a small school. Like that's not, yeah. But yeah. And then I graduated from there with a sociology degree in criminology. I didn't do anything with either of those. That's so interesting. Yeah. I think the sociology degree has actually helped me a lot in life. I can see that. That's what's like helped me connect with a lot of people. It's basically sociology is the study of like how people think and react to things. And so like I could feel like I have a great understanding just because of that schooling. Because you have a high EQ. That makes sense. Yeah, I think so. I tried to. So the criminology. Yeah. What were you going to do with that? Like what were you doing there? I applied to be in the secret service. Yeah. Michael, I did not know this. Yeah, I applied to be in the secret service. And then like I, so they started like asking around my family and stuff like that. And like they came to like the house and everything. And I was like, I'm just not going to do that anymore. Actually, I kind of dropped it. So. That's crazy. I could so see you in the secret service. Really? Yes. I blabbed too much. I would tell all the secrets. I don't think that you would. In another life, I could see you. Here's the thing. You would have to have kept the whole like introvert not around other people. You would have had to have been a lot more isolated. So you didn't, you know, share all the secrets. Absolutely. But God, that would have been cool. That would, that would have been, that's, I could have done it if I did that. Yeah. For sure. No, it's like you're at the bar. You're telling the whole bar. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like I, yeah, I. And then. Yeah. And then they came down this street. Yeah. So, but that's what, that was the goal. That was the original goal. Uh, and then I really switched up and then I worked in insurance. I've been in real estate the entire time, basically. So I did insurance. Um, got a job there. I moved directly to Colorado. Uh, right after, right after college in Denver. Okay. That's right. I did that. Yeah. So that was my first like stint in like going somewhere without having any friends. Um, which that did not go well at all. I moved six months into a 12 month lease. So I paid rent for the entire year, but I moved back to Virginia. So my dad, God bless my dad. He's driven me to, like, as soon as I graduated, drew me to drove me to Denver. He had every underlying condition that COVID had to offer. And he, he still drove me up before any vaccines or anything like that. Drove me all the way out to Denver. And then six months later, he came all the way back and drove me all the way home to Virginia. Wow. Yeah. It was nice, but yeah. And then I got into property management after that. So that's what I've been doing ever since. And like your day to day where you're just like sitting at home. Oh God. Yeah. Extremely. I mean, you're close to their family though. You're going to visit them. Exactly. Like when I was living in Richmond, so I, I lived downtown Richmond. My parents lived in Chesterfield, like a suburb. So I would go to their house every Saturday and Sunday. And like, that was my going out. Like I would go watch football with them and everything like that. And then I had like my best friends from college. My one best friend. I don't have very, I've never had very many friends, which is. I don't think it's a bad thing. I just think it's how I, how I am. But my best friend from college lived in Richmond as well. So I would go to his house and just like sit on the back porch and have a drink. And that was it. That was the extent of my going out in general. Yeah. Even in college. I didn't go out in college at all. Like I never went to a party. Like. Did you just not want to or. I always worked. Okay. So like I ran a hotel in college. Really? It's a lot of fun. But I, for some reason. So I grew up like on a like work first mentality. My dad worked every single day for like 15 hours a day, seven days a week. I think we were talking yesterday and he was like, I worked 57 days in a row one time. So like, yeah. So I grew up on a work first mentality. And then I like really put that as like a number one behind like my social life and anything like that. I know, but it's good. Like, look what you're doing now. Yeah, that's true. But like, it's crazy now because everything I do is like my first like going and doing stuff. It's my first time. Like I have a friend, Aaron, who like makes fun of me every single time. I went to a brunch last week for the first time with Bob's Mimosas. Wow. You're living literally the first time ever. Have you been to Billy Bob's yet? No. Oh, we have. Oh, I heard it's great. Oh my God. It's so much fun. It's the world's largest honky tonk. Yeah, we went this weekend. It was so much fun. But here's the thing. Like, you know, me and my like bedtime and Charlie and his bedtime. Yeah. The concert on the weekend, like they start at 10 p.m. So that was tough for us. I couldn't do that. I actually have a story about that place. What, Billy Bob's? Yeah. I've never been, but I like did a thing downtown with a hotel and I was staying there. I was like, oh, I'm going to go Uber over there. I got there. It got so anxious. I got to the front door and I turned around and went home. Okay, well, we're going to rewrite that story for you. Okay. We'll go to Billy Bob's. We'll find like a good show. It's so fun to go to, truly. Like we should all just do like a Fort Worth weekend in general. That'd be fun. But it is the most fun place ever. But you have to being in Dallas. I mean, you have to go to Billy Bob's. Yeah. That whole area is really overwhelming to me. The stockyards? Yeah. It'll be better with a group of people. It'll be fun. I was by myself. Yeah. That would be overwhelming by yourself for sure. But when you're with a group of people, it's totally fine. That was. And I know where to go. So that'll help. That's good. Yeah. That was a unique weekend because they gave me a cabana by the pool. Oh, I remember this vlog. By myself. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Talk about like trying to build confidence. Yeah. Just sitting by yourself in a cabana by the pool while they serve you strawberries. It sounds wonderful. And this sounds like princess problems. But that was the most awkward I've ever felt in my entire life. But this is good because you grew your confidence by doing uncomfortable things over and over and over and over again. That's true. That is like the definition of exposure therapy. Yeah, that is. But yeah, it was bad. It's good though. You made it through. Yeah. I'm still here. That's good. Like everyone who's listening is going to be like so inspired because your group had all this stuff that you've done. Yeah. And put yourself out there. And if you've done it, they can do it. Yeah, for sure. Anyone can do it. Can we talk a little bit about like dating? Oh, gosh. We don't need to get into your dating life. I just want to talk about dating in general. Oh, I could go like all into dating. Oh, you want to go all into dating? I mean, sure. Why not? Okay, where should we start? I haven't talked about it at all. Like everything on my pages has been so surface level. So like. Okay, let's talk about dating. Yeah, I suck at it. I don't think you suck at it. I think I do. Why do you think that? I don't know. I have that. My confidence is still like that's the one aspect of my confidence that has not come up. I'm so like extremely low myself on dating. I don't know why. It's interesting that you say that because I felt that very similarly in dating. And anything else in my life, I felt good about it. Because I think I, one, I felt like I had more control. Yeah. And two, because I had proof that it would work out in some other area. But with dating, I obviously hadn't had proof that it worked out because it hadn't worked out. So there was something about it that was just. And I think it was like the opening up aspect. And like for me, it was like past poor relationships I'd had. Yeah, like. So it really like knocked my confidence in dating. I had. I was so not confident when it came to dating. Well, that's exactly. That's exactly. You just described how I feel 100%. Like. Yeah. I've had success in my career. I've had success in content creation. I've like had success in all my lives, all my life. But like this is the one aspect that I have not had any success. And like I really just haven't tried. And like the past relationship is like the biggest thing. So. Well, you know what I'm going to tell you to do? What? The dating challenge. I know it worked for you. I think it would work. It's literally your TikTok challenge for like yourself personally, but just in dating. I know. It's just like putting yourself out there and getting out there and making it not a big deal. You do date though. So like that's better because I didn't date. I don't. You went on more dates than I had. I've gone on like four. Yeah. And I had gone on one. Really? And like, yeah, like a year probably. That's crazy. I know. When I say I didn't date, I did not. Well, just so we're clear. The date I went on here was like the first day I've gone on like five years. Okay. So I was similar. I didn't date for five years and then I did the challenge. Okay. And I done like one day in between. And like there's maybe like one or two. How did you do it? Like the challenge? Yeah. No, I know how you like, I know like the logistics of it. But like the thought of doing that makes my stomach drop. It's literally exactly how you were when it was going to like putting yourself out there and going, leaving the house. It made me sick. It made me ill. Like actually like I, the thought of a date made me want to die. Like I had no interest. It was actually terrifying to me, but it's so similar to your whole journey. Because one, my friend who knows me really well was like, you're very goal oriented. You need a number and you need a goal. And like you set yourself up for it. You'll do it. Yeah. And two, it was nice because it was good exposure therapy. And once I got into the habit of going on dates, I mean, granted like Charlie was the fourth one. So like that was a long story. She didn't go on that many. Yeah, I didn't go on that many. But like once I got, I went on five. What I want. Cause like the guy after. Yeah. But we, like it got, it made me get into the habit of putting myself out there. And so it wasn't so scary. But because I kept putting it off for so long, the more I put it off, the bigger it became in my head. And the scarier it was. That's exactly how I feel. Like I've put it off for so long. I've made this like mountain out of going on a date. I feel like, I don't know. I just, I, every single time like I'll match was like right now. If you saw my hinge, you'd be like, what are you doing? I have like 15 matches right now on hinge. And like, people are like, Oh, like, when can we go out? And I just like, Oh, I'm just not gonna respond to anybody. It's crazy. You have to respond. I know it's terrible. But that's why you need a goal. Yeah. I think you're right. Another thing that's helpful is having multiple dates lined up. Because when you only have one date coming up, you make that date a way bigger thing than it needs to be. That's fair. So like if it goes good, great. But you're still making it a bigger thing than it needs to be. But if it goes bad, then you're like, I hate dating. I'm never dating again. Like, this is awful. And it's like confirmation bias. Like, you have to like, also, it's like when you're like, it's changing your perspective on life. It's all you can control. Like, and again, these are all things people told me before. And I thought they were so annoying. And I never wanted to do them. And I was like, I think the fact that like, if they heard me say this now, they'd be like, Kenzie, shut up. Well, like you said, like, you just said set up multiple dates. That made me like even more nervous. Just do like two a week. And here's what you do. One hour drinks date. And then you have a heart out. And that's it. Yeah. And it doesn't need to be this huge thing. Especially when you're a guy. Like, you don't want to go on like, dinners with every single person in the world. It'll get expensive. You're going on multiple. I would do like a one hour drinks date. That's smart. And then have a heart out. You have a dinner. And then you know enough if you want to go on a second date. I don't think you need any more time than that in the first date. That's great advice. Because my last two dates were six hours each. And that, okay. So I talked to, we had a dating coach on the podcast. And I actually thought this was such an interesting point. And she said that every time that like, people would call her and be like, oh my God, the date was amazing. And it was, it went on for seven hours and I loved it whenever. But like, I feel so anxious now. And she's like, because you should never have that long of a first date. Because the next day, because you spent so much time with that, it's like this false level of intimacy. So you're expecting like almost too much out of that person immediately. And then you get anxious because you're like, oh, did I overshare? Did I do too much? Like you almost like give yourself more time to like, overthink the things that you did. Yeah. And then they give like nothing to talk about on the second date. Yeah, exactly. Which is, yeah. Like the, the girl I went on a six hour date with afterwards, she was like, like the next day I was like, hey, like followed up, like do you want to go on another date? And she was like, I don't really feel a spark. And I was like, yeah, because like, we had a spark. Yeah. And then we went five more hours after that. And you really just like dug it into the hole. Yeah, exactly. So. I think, well, what are you looking for? Like what qualities and like, do you want a partner? I don't even know. I want someone who like, obviously like wants kids at some point in their life. Like, cause that's like a big thing to me. I have a niece and nephew and I like love kids. And I really don't know. It's someone who's nice. Like, I think like, not to like, not that you asked this, but like my biggest red flag is someone who like is mean to like a server or someone like in the service industry or whatever when we go out on a date. So like anyone who's just like a nice person in general. Yeah. Like I don't really care. Like it doesn't. I am not like huge on like a non-negotiables list. Cause I think sometimes it, it's like almost too vain. You're putting yourself into a box. Yeah. And you don't really even know what you want necessarily. Like I had been so out of the game when it came to dating that I didn't even know what I wanted anymore. Yeah. Like I was like, I genuinely have no clue what I'm looking for. Like, I do not know. And also I felt like, because I'd made poor decisions on who I would date in the past, like for me, they're fine people, I'm sure. But like, it was not a good fit for me. It made me lose confidence in like my ability to pick someone. Yeah. Because I was like, well, I'm getting myself into these positions. Cause I'm picking and choosing these people. Like I have no one to blame but myself. Yeah. And so it made it harder for me, but like making myself go on all the dates made me one, actually what I was looking for is probably what I would have guessed in the long, like what I ended up, what I would have wanted like prior to all of that. Yeah. But also it like, it only helped because it like, it made me like actually realize what I wanted. When planning like that many dates, was that part easier? Like meaning there were so many different types of people that you could really narrow down, like who you really were looking for when you went on those dates or? I think it was good for me because I was more open with, cause I needed to hit 10 at a certain period of time. Yeah. I was way more open to like who I would go on dates with. Whereas before when I didn't have a goal or I wasn't forcing myself to like put myself out there, I would be like, oh, I don't know. I don't like the way that he like posted that photo. Like I was like way too critical of stuff. Do you think you would have still gone on a date with Charlie if you weren't doing the challenge? Like, okay, here's the thing. Charlie's the greatest friend that's ever walked this earth. His profile. Yeah. So everyone knows that Charlie's profile was really not good. I do think you could tell, like here's the thing, all of his photos, like one day I'll have to post this on like the Instagram or something. I mean, you saw his profile. It was just blurry, zoomed in. He didn't really have that much on there, but it did say that he didn't have social media. Which is a plus. Yeah. So maybe like, yes. And also like our conversation was good. He asked immediately, if we met in person, we would have like immediate, like it would have been fine, but like he didn't have a great profile. But I also would say the kind of guy that I would want to be with wouldn't have a good profile. Yeah. So I don't know. I think it was just like, I was really trying to get my numbers up with everyone at that point. But I do think it was good. That's good though. Yeah. It's like that challenge like changed your life. I know it really did. I know. I need to do it. And it's just, it's literally like your introvert challenge. I know. I think people would like to see it too. I do too. See. Yeah, I know. I know. I've been trying, I've been pitching him this idea. I'm like, no, I have to like live through other people. So let's do the challenge and I'll be your coach. I just like, my number one thing on, which is weird and this is going to sound braggy, but my number one thing on Hinge is the first message I get is I love your videos. Yeah. It just is a little uncomfortable. Yeah. I just, I think it's very uncomfortable. And I get like very, so, cause I don't want there to be like a, like, I don't want that to be like a reason to go on a date with me. It's cause. Yeah. You want them to go on a date with you for you and not because of like the TikTok stuff. And like, I'm not going to post the date, obviously. So like, I'm not going to like film the date. Like you're not going to get any kind of clout or anything like that. Like, I just want to go on a date and. And even if they mean that, like, I'm sure there's a lot of them who like, are just genuine and mean that and still want to go on a date with you. But it is like, I think it's also like them knowing so much about you off the bat and you not knowing much about them. That makes it uncomfortable. A hundred percent. But it is hard because like TikTok specifically, like everyone in Dallas has seen your TikToks. I know, it's impossible. Yeah. It's, it's kind of impossible to. When it is, what's weird is like, I'll match with someone. They'll be like, I love your TikToks. I'm like, oh, thank you so much. Like, how's it going? Like we started like the conversation and they just won't respond. Yeah. I'm like, that's weird. Well, I think a lot of people do though. That was in general. I'm kind of that person. I am actually, I might, I might be the problem. I think I'm actually in the problem now that I think about it. Okay. I think this is what we do. I think that you start responding and then you just do like two dates a week and they're like drinks dates. And then like Charlie and I can pick you up and we can go to dinner after. That sounds fun. That'd be fun. Yeah. That part sounds fun. Yeah. Like what if, what if every first date is a double date? You and Charlie. Second date is a double date with us. Yeah. If they make it to the first or maybe the third, maybe that's too much. Yeah. You guys available like five times a week. We're available literally all the time. We don't leave this house. We don't do anything. You know that. Yeah. That'd be fun. That would be so fun. I would like that. And he'd be so down. He would love to do that. Yeah. I like Charlie a lot. Yeah. You guys are like besties. So this is going to be incredible. Yeah. We have to do it. I'm like trying to think of who I can like picture you with. I don't even know. I'm good. Like once I meet someone, I'm like, oh, this person. But like, I'm bad at like, I'm like imagining someone if that makes sense. You know, it's weird. It's like, I've never been the, I think it's like going back to being an introvert. I've never been the guy that I like. My friends are like, oh, we should set him up with her. Like that type of thing. Like there's never. Because they don't think that you want to be set up. Yeah. Literally. Like my entire, like every friend group, my entire life, even in college, like all that kind of stuff. It was like, it never was that guy because I was always like working. Like he's not going to be the guy that goes out to the party and like get set up with this person. So I think this is like the first time in my life where I'm like, just open to being set up with somebody. What's your ideal way of meeting someone? In person. Not in. Yeah. But we'll see. It's not so bad. Yeah. Here's the other thing. Look, another thing that I think is good about apps is that like Charlie and I, if there were other times, you know, when like that person was trying to set us up before or whatever. Like you, I think it's good in the sense of like, there's some people that you probably would have run into at a certain point, but it almost like speeds up the process. Yeah. That's true. You can meet someone out. Yeah. I almost don't think you're going to meet someone out in a bar in Dallas. So I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think the girl that you're one of you with is going to be out at the bars. I don't think so. Maybe though. Maybe. But like, I wouldn't, maybe cause I mean, you're out with them. You're kind of, it's not like you're, yeah, it's just. That's another issue with this whole, like going out thing. Like now that I've gone out and everything, like I also don't need to go out that much. Like that's what I'm saying. That's why I don't think the girl would be. Yes. Which is kind of an issue like for my whole content, like in general, because like I, for the first certain period, like my goal was to get out of the house every single night and do something every night. It's like, no, like normal people still can like stay home. So I don't know. I'm a very all or nothing person though. So I get it. Yeah. Like I don't half-ass anything. So like if I was doing it, I would feel like I needed to, but you don't need to. Yeah. No, I know. We can do like an introvert stays at home series. Like it needs to be like, this is what I'm doing at home. You kind of are doing that right now. Yeah, I am doing that right now. But it's kind of weird though. Cause then I feel like it's such a line to stay on. Like right now I feel like I haven't gone in three weeks and like, is that an issue? I think you need to talk more about like how you've gained confidence and do like more almost like advice talking to camera videos, because even that stuff, like, I think it's kind of, I was saying that earlier, like the stuff that like pops off or does well, you don't even think anything of it because to you, it's just normal. And you're like, why would I even explain that? Yeah. Because it just feels common sense like to you, but that doesn't feel, it's not common sense to everyone else. People are like interested in that. That's true. I was looking there for like myself though. Like, yeah. How much is like. Too much. Yeah. Like too much going out and then too much staying in. Like I'm trying so hard to find the balance cause I've like always just stayed in. So like I need to know exactly where that, that balance is. We can figure it out. Yeah. There'll be a nice. There's gotta be something. Ebb and flow. Yeah. Holidays are kind of harder. That's true. That's a good point. But it'll be fine. Yeah. Maybe 2026 is the year that you find some sort of balance. Yeah. And love. Balance and love. That'd be ideal. This will be good. And this is why we're going to be doing a dating challenge. Yes. I'm going to be doing a dating challenge. Good. Announcing it here. Yay. I'm so glad that I got you to say that exact words. Yeah. Exactly. Oh gosh. I'm going to be texting you and I'm literally just going to clip that and then just send it to you. Yeah. I'd be held accountable. Yeah. I'd be like, how's it going? We can go through your hinge too. Yeah. That'd be fun. That'll be fun. Yeah. This'll be a great series. It's bad. My hinge is bad in general. Like the actual profile is bad. Okay. Well, we can, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but we can amp it up. We can use some photos from the party this weekend. That's true. Cause that'll be fun and show your personality. Yeah. That'd be good. I like that. I'm sure you have your dog on there. Yeah. I have my niece and nephew. Amazing. Yeah. What are you like looking forward to this year? Like what are some things that you're wanting to just maybe change or do in your life? Yeah. So it's find love and find balance. I don't know. I think finding love is like a huge one, but I like, I really want to travel for like the first time. I've never been on the country. I've never done anything like crazy as far as trips go. So I really want to travel at some point this year. I want to get closer like to my niece and nephew. They're in Atlanta. So I want to be able to at least fly there once a month and, and see them. I think that's like my number one goal is just getting close. I've only gotten like every six months, which is like not acceptable. That's so sweet. I'm like, you're that ladies man. Yeah. Well, that's for sure. Like my family is like my number one thing. So I need to see my sister. I need to see my niece and nephew. I need to get back to Richmond and see them, but also continue to build my friendships here and my community here. Yeah. You're on a great trajectory. Yeah. Your life this time last year to now is so drastically different. Yeah. I'm holding a microphone at the moment. Like that's crazy. It's insane. Okay. Well, this has been incredible. Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. This is crazy. Where can they find you? Harky.diml on everything. Yeah. Literally everything. Snapchat has just added today. So it's fun. Yeah. Bye.