When You Fall For a Man, This is The MOST Important Question to Ask

One of the more difficult questions we need to ask ourselves when a relationship doesn't feel right or hasn't felt right for a while is, should I keep trying here or just give up? It's easier when you are just dating, in theory, because it will still be hard. For example, I see some women struggle with, yeah, well, we have been dating for six weeks now, but he still hasn't said, I love you. And when I ask him about it, like, when do you think you'll be able to say it? He says, I don't know. That takes time, but I'm crazy about you that I do know. Okay, good news, right? Not really. Wait, what was that? You don't know? How can you not know? Do you love me? Yes or no. Will you ever be able to love me? Yes or no. It's not rocket science now, is it? I know I love you, but I'm not going to be the first one to say So should I keep trying here or is all of this just a lost cause? Crazy about you. Yeah, that sounds great. But that doesn't give me the secure feeling I'm looking for that makes me sleep at night with a big smile on my face now, does it? This is just one of the many examples, but none of this actually matters that much. Him saying I love you is, for example, not as important as some women think. So how do you know if you should keep trying or give up? Let's find out in this video. My name is Geert. I'm an author. I also use the much more pronounceable pen name Brian Knox. I write books about emotional intelligence, relationships and dating. And I want to start with a great example of when you should stop trying. And the simple concept is this. If we are ourselves in a romantic relationship, our real self, so not our needy or insecure self, not our let's play hard to get self. But if we show the real vulnerable us to our love interest, what happens then? Does that draw that person closer and make them fall for us or does it seem to scare them away? That, in my opinion, is one of the most important questions in our love life. Picture a woman who really likes a certain guy and they have been on a couple of dates. It was a lot of fun, but she notices based on what he said about his ex-girlfriends that he has a tendency to fall for bad girls, so not the sweet and soft kind of woman. She, however, is very sweet and very soft. When she falls for a man, she wants to treat him really well. She wants to be kind to him. She's going to be open and vulnerable. But she has learned from past experiences that this scares men away. Well, of course, only the type of man she's not compatible with, but she may not see that yet. So this time, based on his ex-girlfriends and how much she likes him, she will try to not wear her heart on her sleeve. She will act and behave a little bit different. And guess what? It works. It makes him a lot more attracted to her. Great, yeah, but also a really, really bad idea. And here's why. She's wasting time for the both of them. She's not allowing him to see that she's not his type because she's playing his type, which is not cool for him, but it's even worse for her. Because no matter how attracted he now is, no matter how much he's excited to be around her, she knows it's not about her, but rather the role that she's playing. So this relationship will not feel good. A major rule when dating or being in a romantic relationship with someone is that if you have to deviate from your soul, from who you really are deep down in your core, the relationship rarely has a healthy and fulfilling future. So let's quickly turn it around. Here's a relationship you should fight for. Let's say a man is in love with a certain woman, and not because she's beautiful or dresses sexy or because she has an important job or is really smart or is a famous person. None of all of these things. And sometimes in the morning when he opens his eyes and she's still sleeping, he just looks at her thinking, I'm so lucky. When they organize a barbecue and he's standing at the barbecue, grilling some meat, beer in the other hand, of course, and he sees her talking to some of their friends and he thinks, wow, I really love her. What he lost then is her soul, who she really is deep down and she doesn't have to do anything for it. She can just stand there. It's because he sees her, the real her. He's perhaps, at that moment in time, the only person in the universe who can really see her, her core. Not the looks, not her beautiful hair, her sexy pedicure, how funny she is. Not the surface level stuff, but the real her, her soul. When you are deeply and thus really in love with someone, you can see the real them, right? So the people who are in love with us because they can see the real us and they're not judging us or trying to change us. Those are the people and the relationships worth fighting for. I get many emails from women that are trying to fight for imaginary future relationships with a man that clearly doesn't want to be with the real them. And here's the thing. If they would be honest, they don't like the real him either. They mostly like who he could become. You know, if he would finally grow up, stop being so immature, get his act together, open his eyes, become emotionally available, start treating them with respect and other very expensive options that may not even be available on that model of men. And sometimes they ask me, what can I do? Here's the thing. If you have to do anything to make him love you, he's not the man you should be fighting for. Return him and get a different model. If all you want is a one night stand and the man wants the same thing, then go ahead, be sexy, dress sexy, talk sexy, say and do whatever seems to work well for the guy you like. But if you are looking for a real romantic relationship with a deep emotional connection, there's only one thing you have to do. Allow him to see the real you. No walls, no masks, no acting, no constant neediness or playing hard to get. None of these things. And see if that is enough. If it isn't, then he's not the guy for you. Not for a long term relationship, at least. If it is, then he's worth fighting for. And yes, you may still need to fight. Because relationships are never easy or the fairy tale that some movies want us to believe. It's never a smooth ride of never ending happily ever after. You will still have to deal with your and his emotions. You will have to deal with discussions, different opinions, perhaps a fight. Definitely misunderstandings every now and then. He will hurt your feelings. You will hurt his. There's no way to avoid these things in a committed long term romantic relationship. But when you know that you are enough, and not because you work really hard for that, but because he decided that on his own. You are who I want to be with. I'm in love with you because I see who you are. Well, then it will be easy to make the choice to keep trying. It's very simple and basic, isn't it? We sometimes complicate our love life when we really shouldn't. Have I been showing the real good me to you? Not just to me on my bad and perhaps needy days, of course, but the real me. And was that enough? Did that bring you closer to me or did it push you away? Did you fall for the real me? Yes or no? It's a basic question with long term consequences that can make our love life a lot easier or much harder than it should ever be. And there you go. I have to stay top level here on YouTube. But if you would like the deeper stuff, then you can find that on BrianNux.com or in my books. They are on Amazon. Just type my pen name Brian Nux in the search box and voila, a full list of all of my books. I want to thank you for still being here at the very end of this video, because that means that you resonate with what I'm posting here. And that means that you are the one I'm imagining when I'm creating these videos. So thank you for doing that and hope to see you in another video.