"The Simple Way to NEVER Obsess Over a Man"

Not obsessing about someone or not overthinking is really easy if you don't like a person. You're probably not obsessing about the hundreds of guys that will love to go out on a date with you, but you are not interested in them because they're not tall, dark, and handsome or whatever you are into. Not obsessing is a walk in the park then. But what happens when you really like someone, but sadly that person doesn't like you back or is emotionally unavailable or has an avoidant attachment style or doesn't keep promises or there's a breakup without any closure or you see the good in someone you like and are dating, but sadly, for some reason, they have a really hard time showing their goodness because they're not really respectful. And words like I'm sorry are just not in their dictionary. Yeah, that's when it gets a bit harder to not obsess or overthink. So since I make videos for women on this channel, let's talk about how to stop obsessing over a guy, especially one that doesn't deserve it because that's usually the case. If a guy is treating you well, if you're in a very stable and loving relationship with him with mutual respect, good communication, and breakfasts in bed after long cuddle sessions and so on, then there's probably no reason to obsess. We don't obsess and overthink when everything is great and awesome in our relationship. Now, you will also see why the opposite of obsessing, not caring, can actually give you much better results. So let's talk about it. My name is Geert. I'm an author. I also go by the pen name Brian Knox. And first, obsessing is never a good idea. It's a loot. It keeps us busy and up all night, but it will never get us what we want. Obsessing or overthinking just gives us the illusion that we are fixing something, that we are making our life, or in this case, our relationship, a lot better. But we're not. It's just an illusion. It's a distraction. It's about as useful as trying to boil water by asking it to start boiling. That rarely works. Let me turn it around. You are, for example, your most attractive self when you're not obsessing, when you're not overthinking, when you're not putting people on a pedestal, when you're not afraid to let something or someone go, when you're not afraid to lose someone, so when you're just going with the flow of life, when you accept what is and is not going on. Not only are you very attractive, then, it will feel great. Your life will feel much better. You'll be in the moment, enjoying the moment. So first, please understand that if your dating life or relationship is ever challenging, then obsessing about the guy you're with will only make it more challenging. I'm sure you've already noticed that the more interested you are in a specific guy, the more you put him on a pedestal, the worse the results you will get. Did you ever notice that the guys you're not that interested in seem to be much more attracted to you than the ones you really like a lot? Well, this is one of the many reasons why all of that happens. Or did you ever notice that the moment you lose interest in a guy, his interest may suddenly rise? I don't know who invented these mechanisms, but that's how it works, right? So your best bet is to never obsess over a guy. Because, let's also be honest, and this is about men too, but when we humans obsess about someone, when we put someone on a pedestal, we become high-maintenance, hard to please, sometimes impossible to please. We may nag. We may say things like, you're seven minutes late. If you really liked me, you would be 20 minutes early. Or you would have slept here in your tent overnight just to be on time, just like people did back in the day when the iPhone 3 came out. So tiny question, why am I not as important as an iPhone? So if you do not obsess, if you do not overthink, and you just go with the flow, and thus you are your most attractive real self, and he still doesn't treat you well, or you're not getting the attention and the affection that you require and desire, then you are 100% certain he's not the right guy for you. He's not worth obsessing over. Another great reason to not overthink in a relationship is that overthinking and obsessing create tunnel vision. They make us focus on one thing while ignoring all the rest. Things like, ooh, that person is not compatible with me. That person has a ton of red flags. I don't even like that person. My ego just can't deal with that lack of affection. Tunnel vision. If I look at the emails that I've received from women over the years, then for a ton of them, it should have been 100% clear to the women sending me those emails that the men they wrote about were not right for them. Their friends probably knew it. I'm sure even their cat or dog knew it, but they could not see it because they were obsessing. Tunnel vision. Whenever we obsess about someone, there are two things going wrong. First, that person probably doesn't deserve that much of our attention, and second, there's something wrong with us. We're not seeing our own value. We may think we're not good enough. We may think some people are better than us. We may start to create doom scenarios, and that's another form of tunnel vision where we start to ignore very important things like our self-worth and our own value. We're using a scarcity mindset. You will notice that when you obsess about a guy, you will probably be very attached to a positive outcome with him, and you're probably using a scarcity mindset. You get thoughts like, yeah, well, it has to work out with him because otherwise I'll never find a great relationship. He's my only hope. Yeah, cool, but that's a weird thing to think on a planet with almost 8 billion people and overpopulation. The opposite of obsessing and caring way too much is not caring, and you may already have noticed that not caring and thus letting go creates much better results, especially in our love life. And for the record, I don't mean treating someone badly, obviously. You still care about the person. You still treat that person really well, but you no longer care that much about the outcome, and you start to think, if this works out, great. If it doesn't, also great. It will hurt, but then I'll move on. Then it's time for a new chapter in my life. So you're not attached to a positive outcome. You just go with the flow. You don't put him on a pedestal. He's not there to fill a void. There is no scarcity mindset then. He will meet the real attractive you, and you will feel like the real you. Life will feel better because this also helps to destroy issues like not seeing your own value or thinking that you're perhaps not good enough or that the situation is too good to be true and that it will end any moment. Because if it does, well, then it does. Then it wasn't meant to be. Because if it is meant to be, it will not end. See, that's another reason to never obsess or overthink in a romantic relationship. If you meet a guy and he's supposed to be the right guy for you, then you will not need to obsess because a great relationship will then start to form and will last. If he's not the right guy, then this is a guy that will be present in one or a couple of chapters of your life, but then you will both go your own separate ways because he was not that special. He was not that important and definitely not worth ever obsessing over. If a guy is the wrong guy for you, no amount of effort and overthinking will ever make him right. And finally, it doesn't matter how much you like a guy. He's probably not as irreplaceable as it will feel. Chances are you will meet a guy in the future that you will like just as much, sometimes a lot more. I still remember my first breakups where I thought, I'll never find someone like her again. Now looking back, that was often fantastic news. Some of my exes were really not right for me. I'm lucky I didn't meet a replica of them, but if I could, I just want to go back to the heartbroken version of me just to tell him, hey dude, lighten up. You're still going to meet this and that great woman. It will be awesome. To end this video, overthinking and obsessing are mind games. It's a mistake that our brain makes. So try to notice when your mind is doing it and then change course by, for example, redirecting your thoughts to the present moment or by realizing that overthinking doesn't lead to anything good and that the man or the situation that makes you overthink may not be worth it anyway. There you go. I hope you found value in this video that comes in handy. If you ever obsess over a guy, there's more on briannox.com or on Amazon where you can search for my pen name, Brian Knox, to find my books. I want to thank you for still being here at the very end of this video. That's awesome. I love it when you do that and I hope to see you in another video.