La confiance en soi, ça s'apprend - La Maison des maternelles #LMDM

Very important topic this morning, Marie. Yes, we all want our children to be good at their basketball. And yet there comes a time when, what I was saying, around 8, 9 years old, when the eyes of others start to count, well, our children start to depreciate, to devalue themselves. I'm bad, I can't do it. This fear of failure, really this bunch of failures, means that our children are constantly lowering themselves. So how do we build self-esteem with them? A little recap in the picture. So, people wonder, my child is bad, what should I do? Well, he's bad. He's bad, guys. You have to tell the truth to the children. My son is bad at math, I tell him, you're bad at math. The other one is bad at football, you're bad at football. I mean, it's not going to be a problem for me to tell them you're bad. I'm too bad, it's impossible, I can't do it. All children go through this. And you, parents, what did you do? You said, but no, you're not bad. Did that reassure her? I don't think so. So here are some tips to help your children have self-esteem. First of all, you have to know what kind of bad your child belongs to. Is it the child who said he was bad so as not to have to make an effort? Like me, I'm bad at math, anyway, it's useless for me to work. Or is it a child who says he's bad to attract attention, to be nice, affectionate, cuddly, reassured? Or is it a child who feels deeply bad because he thinks he doesn't have enough resources to face life? Our parents, with the phrase, I'm bad, we tend to answer, but no, you're not bad, although we should do otherwise. What are the two best friends of the parent? Apart from chocolate and drink. Well, it's empathy and listening. You have to listen to your child and have empathy when you ask him why he feels bad. Don't you feel rather angry after yourself? Wouldn't you be rather disappointed? In short, rather than putting everything together under the term of nullity, let's try to explore the reasons for its devaluation. Let's stop, us parents, from noting the mistakes and failures of our children. I'm not throwing stones at you. The first time, I explained to my 12-year-old child that, what, you can't tie a bow at 12? It wasn't very smart. Or little sentences like, yes, well, anyway, you never help me. And no, us parents, we really tend to highlight these failures when we should encourage and value the successes. For example, I really appreciate that you scratched all the scabs from the toothpaste in the sink. It helped me a lot. That's positive. That's reinforcement. Trust, in itself, is acquired when others trust us. So for him to trust him, you have to trust him. It's not too complicated. Basically, the idea is what? Well, it's to stop forbidding, to stop being afraid in a systematic way, and to offer his help. So yes, you can climb on this little wall, which makes me super scared. But maybe you'll give me a hand. And yes, you can serve water with this brow, which weighs about twice your weight. But maybe you need a little help to carry it. Clearly, we encourage him. The more he does it alone, the more he will know that he can do it alone. And yes, you have to learn to love your mistakes. Why? Because they are part of learning. And when we adults accept them, we have them, we value them even, well, the child will have less trouble doing it themselves. It's time to use a little trick. The word for the moment. It's two words. The word again. I can't do it yet. You can't do it for the moment. We see that the margin of progress exists and that it is normal. And let me, my friends, deliver the metaphor of life that accompanies me every day. No one can reach the top of the mountain without having struggled and sweated like a calf on the path. It's not Marie, it's Super Marie. I have the impression. Super curious fox. It's true, it's me. So, of course, I have a few little tips, but as you have followed this little tutorial very well, of course, I give you little clues to answer the quiz, to obviously change our way of talking to our children and concerning our own mistakes, so as to make them accept the mistake and trust us. Go ahead, go ahead. So, rather than saying, I don't understand what you're telling me. What do we say? We say, we say, can you rephrase? Yes, that's really it. It's funny, I understood well, but I think it could have been even clearer. No, no, no. Agathe, you were a little more honest. I didn't understand what you were saying. Can you rephrase it differently? Who is the best mother? It's not, you spoke like a mule and I didn't understand anything. It's maybe me. Can you rephrase it differently? In short, you had no solution. Yes, yes, but you didn't give me a word, okay? Well, no, you didn't buzz. No, no, yes. You have to buzz. Come on, Yasmin, answer. Go ahead, continue. Oh la la, but what is this grade? You didn't buzz there. Listen, we're at school for failures. Being wrong is very good. Now, how, in your opinion, can we do to improve the grade, so that you are better in your exam, because you are quite capable. It's not bad. Well, it's a lie. I'm sorry. No, I did it. We can start with, what do you think of your grade? Because, in fact, the child is also able to say, well, there, indeed, it's not great, great. And then, of course, we go on, how can we do it? Can you do it? Yes, I do it. But on what tone? What do you think of your grade? No, I say, well, what do you think? Well, because clearly, I mean, when we have four, well, we can't say it's great, great. But, on the other hand, we have to see what we can do to improve. And above all, what did we do to get this grade? Wait, are we talking about 7, 8 years old there, or are we also talking about teenagers? Well, there's also teenage college there. Yeah, but that's not the thing, yeah. It's okay. Normally, there are no grades for the younger ones. Yes, well, since high school, there are grades. Normally, there are no grades, my friends. So, rather than telling his child, but stay calm, let's see, by getting angry. Shut up! Not bad. So, it will be rather for the tutorial on how to make your child sociopathic. Benjamin, thank you. So, wait, do you want... Silence has virtues. So, there, we will rather suggest to his child to go play football in the garden. Rather than trying to impose on his child an attitude that, obviously, is not the one he wants, we propose a solution to get rid of it. A break, you know. And then, here, it's more about us. Rather than saying, oh, my God, I suck at do-it-yourself. What can we say? Buzz off! Okay. It's not my first quality. No. How can I prove it? Yes, that's it. Oh, my God, I'm delighted to learn from you. There, very good. In fact, you have to say, I suck for now. That said, you really suck at do-it-yourself. Yes, I know. But how can I improve? Well, I think it's dead. Yes, I think it's dead, too. It's like me in English. There, she lost all confidence in herself, and all self-esteem. Well done, Benjamin. You have other qualities. Yes, I have other qualities. In fact, we have to modify our relationship to failure. We have to try not to really consider that the only thing that qualifies our child is his success. So, the first question we ask when he comes home from school is... Go for it, Jermaine. No, go for it. No, that's not what I meant, Elra. Go for it. No, it was to say, it's not, how much did you get? Did you get a scholarship? Etc. So, it's really about modifying. I forgot to say. Can I say something? Yes. I think there's something very important, too. It's humor. Completely. I mean, me, my children draw... There are no drawings in the manuals to draw so badly. The two of them, in my case, it's okay. So, the little one, but it's something, and then, we say, make a handsome man. Well, we laugh about it. We don't pretend. I mean, in any case, drawing is really your strong point. No, but you should expose. And like that, well, he laughs. Exactly. I'm going to finish just by the success book that I found at Philly. No, no, no problem. It can help some children in the accomplishment of tasks. We can set with them small challenges, goals and small rewards. We can do it with you for the Do It Yourself, too. Yes, we can do it. Well, listen, I'm going to set a goal. It's before Christmas, do a correct Christmas Do It Yourself with a rain stick. Because it's been a long time with a rain stick. She agrees. Christmas decorations, rain sticks. OK, I'll write it down. And we'll put gums on you. I refer you to the rain stick, so when you type Marie Perrarnot rain stick on Google, you'll come across it right away.