Cha mẹ làm sao lấy nhu chế cương? Tập 13 | Khóa học dành cho cha mẹ #daycontaiduc #thanhhoaquetoi

In the previous episodes, Ms. Chen reminded us not to make the children feel insecure. This can affect the confidence of the children in the future, and can even cause major problems. But how to respond, even when the child is still very young? Remember, you need to respond to the children at least by voice. Today we will start with this topic. Ms. Chen, speaking of responding to children, sometimes when we don't observe the children, we don't know what to respond to. Yesterday, we came to a friend's house. There was a 3-year-old boy who had just entered the house. When he entered the house, everyone had to put on their shoes. But this boy asked for his father's help to put on his shoes neatly. At that time, did you observe that your father did not respond? He didn't respond much, because his next step in his work was to go into the house. Because he was tired, so he chose the fastest way to help his son put on his shoes. The boy is only 3 years old, and his reaction is not to let his father help him. The boy not only didn't let him, but also threw his shoes away. This boy didn't let his father touch his shoes, thinking it was a reaction. From the perspective of an expert, you observed that your father did not understand the situation, did not respond to the boy, but just ignored him and took him away. According to you, this is not a correct response, is it? So what is the correct way to respond to the boy's reaction? I feel this is the father's way of responding when the house has a guest. How to make your son understand that when a guest appears in the house, you don't become a pawn for your son to use. You mean the boy's reaction that day was due to your presence in the house? That's right, because I was there. If you weren't there, the boy wouldn't have reacted by throwing his shoes away like that. Because the boy knows that when there is a guest in the house, his parents will not speak to him. The 3-year-old boy knows this, right? Of course he knows. So what do you think the boy threw his shoes away for? What is the purpose of the boy? That boy wants to visit his parents. What does the boy want to visit? The boy wants to see his parents' tolerance limit. He wants to see what his parents can do to him. He wants to see where his position is. All children are like that, right? From the age of one, the boy knows to stand still. If he can say no to his friends, the boy can know to start visiting his friends. Have you started visiting our tolerance limit? Oh, many parents don't know that their children are constantly visiting us. Is this true? We have read a lot of studies with the same result. Children from a very young age, even children of different nationalities, all grew up like this. So if parents agree to face their children, always visit their tolerance limit, if we don't have the right response, how will it be? You will step back step by step. Then the big problems will arise. And you will continue to win. Until one day, I was very angry and shouted to my son, this is the limit, you can't reach it. But if at that time, your son has grown up, he will move his hands and feet to respond to you. Your son has become a rebellious teenager. At that time, you are angry, but it doesn't work. You will be very sad. We have seen so many cases like this. You will be very sad, so you have to be careful. To become a good parent, I said that not to put pressure on the child's score. It is important that you focus on exploring this world. This is very interesting, so I often remind myself. And I often tell a lot of parents this concept. That is, you should spend a lot of time when the child is young, don't wait until your child has grown up. When the problem has grown to an uncontrollable level, even if you have to take three or five times the time, you still have to do it. Now that we know about a one-year-old baby, how do parents react? First, we need to know when to respond to the child. But there are two types of response, face-to-face and face-to-face. Which one is the most intelligent? Just now, we took the example of a three-year-old baby, the father did not respond. After that, I know that you have done a lot of things because it is your friend's family. I want to ask that situation at that time, you are a guest, so you can't directly tell the child, right? No. So I want to ask the father in that situation, what should be the right response? The father needs to repeat the movement, repeat the instruction that the child must learn, but with a cheerful attitude and not blame the baby. I am also a very quick-witted guest, I also repeat that movement, and I also don't blame the baby. At that time, if we blame the baby, the baby understands that when there is a guest, the adult cannot speak to you, cannot hit you, so the child will tear the shoes even harder. If I hold the baby and give it a hand, I am so stupid, too real, not polite, how will it be? And look at your relationship with the child, if you are not very stubborn, if you hold the child, the child will cry even louder. The child will not let you step back, because you have made the child unable to step back. So you see, in that situation, what should the guest do? The guest will feel very uncomfortable, like that. Now I put the shoes on the shelf, but the child takes the shoes out, what should I repeat? I will repeat putting my shoes on the shelf and putting the child's shoes on the shelf. Then I point at the shoes and tell the child, the shoes have to go to its home, the shoes were hurt just now. I don't say who hurt the shoes. I say, the shoes were hurt just now, really hurt. Then I pick up the shoes, rub the shoes and rub for it. You rub the shoes of the child, right? Yes, I also tell the shoes, do you want to go home to find your mother? Then let the child answer, yes, I want to. The children are still young, before 6 years old, they often see animals like humans, to see that animals are alive and they often talk to each other. So you take advantage of this feature of children and talk to your children. Your children will be moved, you will feel like parents are on the same team with you. Parents also know that these shoes can talk to each other. Because the child can talk to the animals, so when the child can understand the actions of the parents, then the parents and children will get closer. In addition, parents also have to take care of the children. You don't blame the child, but pick up the shoes, rub and say a few words to the child with the shoes. Then the shoes also say, I hope someone can take me home. Can you read the child's name? Someone, someone can take me home. At that time, if you are the one who is called by the shoes, what will you do? Come behind the shoes and put it next to you. Then the shoes have to give the child an important response, Oh, you are wonderful. Finally, you took me home. So the story is over, the shoes can also go home. If we meet a 3-4-year-old child who is depressed, how do we respond to the child? This is a homework for you. You can call us to ask questions to Ms. Tran. I also ask a very interesting detail. Ms. Tran, when I observed you advising your parents, there was something very interesting. You didn't just ask questions, you also told your parents to shoot a video. Oh, yes, yes. Why? After that, what did you see in that film? We sat next to each other. At that time, there was a patient, we didn't ask why we had to shoot a video. That's right, because I don't want to make a mistake like an expert. Because when we reach a certain level, we will feel that others are not as good as us. I can't forget that each family is not the same. Learning is never-ending. How much did you learn today? How much will you learn next year? Learning is never-ending. So I feel that the best answer, the best answer is to ask that question yourself. So at that time, I asked my parents to shoot a video of a child eating. I remember at that time, the child was only 2 years old. What was the problem when your parents took the baby to the hospital? Because the relationship in kindergarten was not very good. The child was 2 years old, the relationship was not good. The teacher felt very difficult to manage this child because I often hit my classmates in class. When I eat, I make a lot of noise, make me want to eat out. That is, I often cause uncomfortable situations for my friends around me. So your parents asked you to help. You asked your parents to shoot a video. After that, did they shoot it? They shot that film. What did they shoot? First, we can see if the development of the body of the child at this stage is normal or not. Is there something wrong with the body that the parents have not discovered? It's not that the baby deliberately caused trouble. That's right. For example, in cases where the baby is mentally injured, there will be a problem with the level of the bar. Once I told you, the child may have a high or low leg. Maybe one leg is suitable for the development of the body. The other leg is a little smaller. A lot of people don't pay attention to this. Because parents don't pay attention? That's right. A lot of people don't pay attention to this. Two legs will have one long leg and one short leg. A high leg and a low leg? That's right. This is due to the incomplete development of the body. This incomplete development makes the child feel different. No one understands this feeling of difference. No one guides, no one guides. So the baby will be hot. It's not that the baby deliberately caused trouble. It's that the baby's body is not fully developed, or the baby has birth defects. At this time, parents should not blame their children. The parents' concern is also due to the lack of understanding of the problem. Do you think this child is slowly developing? Is there any problem with the baby? There is a problem, but at that time it is not yet clear. It's still okay. That's why in this program, we provide standards for the development of children for parents to follow. At what age will the child achieve what? Moreover, when I observe children eating, I see that the child really likes to use a spoon. In that video? That's right. The child took the spoon by hand. A two-year-old child uses a spoon, it is very easy to make a mess, make food out of it, even drop the spoon. That's right. And in that video, I also see that these two parents are very fast, very urgent. The soup in the bowl is too much. The rice in the bowl is also too much. So the child just needs to scoop a spoonful and it will fall out. Then the parents have to rush to clean up the battlefield. Their solution to quickly finish the job is to give it to the parents to feed the child. From the film, you can see a lot of problems. The problem is that this child is going to a religious school. In a religious school, is anyone free to feed the child like that? In a religious school, most children eat by themselves. So when the film is running, I sometimes stop and say, in this part, what can we do? In this part, what can we do? When you think, how much food does your child have to eat in the evening? Then you can divide it into three times or two times for the child. Don't use a big bowl of food at once. And the spoon for the small child, holding a heavy spoon like that, it will be easy to drop the food. So whose fault is this? This is the fault of the parents, but I have to be kind to the parents. No one teaches us. You are wrong when you are learning math. No one told you that 20 years later, you still have to use the ratio 1 in 3, 1 in 2 to divide the food for the child. This is the fault of education. No one teaches us how to be a parent. So when the child holds a spoon, what response do we need? First of all, you have to understand the size of the child's hand when holding the spoon. If you feel that your eyes and hands don't fit together well, then don't give the child too much. Because the connection between the hand and the child's eyes is not yet familiar, you can't force the child. This takes time to complete. Parents, please note that a one-year-old child knows our reaction. So you need to be kind to the child and choose a positive response. Thank you for watching. Goodbye and see you in the next episode of Science as a parent.